Teen Mom OG Recaps That'll Change Your Life

This isn’t an open letter as much to Catelynn as it is to “The America,”  the bong, a little bit to Catelynn and mainly to you.  Look, I don’t really see what all the hoopla is about for Catelynn and that damn bong.  Are drugs good for you?  Most likely, no.  I mean, I’m not […]

It’s fitting that MTV would kick me in the teeth one last time with the part two of the Teen Mom reunion being about Maci for about 45 minutes.  For reasons unbeknownst to me, Maci looks like Japanimation come to life with the black streak in her hair that no one is doing anywhere.  This […]

I’m glad that MTV decided to split this reunion up into two parts.  I think it technically takes that long to try and discover exactly where iCarly is hiding out.  Spoiler Alert:  Tajikistan.  I know, it’s usually the first place I look but the last place Dr. Drew looked.  Speaking of doctors who mainly appear […]

Well folks, here we are.  Like Farrah’s life when Debra grabs the butcher knives, all good things must come to an end.  So for one last time, let’s see what Amber, Farrah, Maci, and Catelynn were up to on last nights crapisode of “The One Time Unprotected Teenage Sex Actually Paid Off, Literally.” Amber – […]

Well we’re almost done with this Teen Mom series which means that you’ll have to go back to actually paying attention to your own dumb kids and I should probably start reading books or something.  I’m kidding I would never do that.  Once I finally found Waldo I gave up “the books” for hundreds of […]

Hello my good people.  It’s time for yet another episode of “Carly is Really Missing Out.”  Before we continue I’d like to say a big “gracias” to all of you who recommended and shared my recap of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.  It broke IBBB records that, well, only I care about.  So let’s make […]

Time for another episode of “Spread ‘Em Young and Land on the Television.”  Before we get to that, please be sure to come back tomorrow where (yes) I will be recapping a new show, “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” on TLC.  I like to think of it as a Teen Mom prequel.  Also, be sure […]

Tonight on a very special episode of Teen Mom we deal with the delicate subject of domestic violence. Remember, abuse is never ok and if you know someone who is in an April and Butch style situation please let them know that, well, no one likes a snitch so take it to the grave. God […]

That’s right folks it’s time for another episode of “Are You Sure It’s Not Too Late for An Abortion?”  The answer to that is always “no.”  Although I’m sure modern western medicine would disagree.  Consult your physician before reading this recap.  Also, as always if you’d like to join me on my personal Facebook page […]

Time for another episode of “Now You’re Just Moms.”  Join me on my Facebook page (click here) and be sure to click the “Recommend” button so you can share this will all your friends and family members that you hate.  Ole! Farrah – Bolt down the furniture and put the rubber sheets on the bed […]

Time for another episode of “I’m Barely Still a Teen, but Keep the Cameras Rolling and the Checks Coming!”  Overall this crapisode was a snooze but there are still some gems nonetheless.  Bonus points of me using a 10 point word like “nonetheless.”  Also, Friend me on Facebook by clicking here if you want to […]

Check your naughty factory for a fetus because it’s time for another crapisode of Ye Ole Teenage Madre.  It’s both “old timey” and “Spanish.”  I’ve decided.  Before we get to the goods, I have a little housekeeping to discuss.  I need y’all to help me win a little contest Bravo is holding to become the […]

Hey y’all it’s time for another crapisode of Teen Mom.  Sadly this episode was a little slow (like Kyle trying to find the toaster in the tree in a Highlights magazine) but hopefully this recap will breathe a little life into it.  I have no idea what that means.  However, if you like what you […]

As promised here is the recap of the second crapisode of Teen Mom.  Per usual, the most interesting person in this episode is Amber because, well, watching anyone have a breakdown is quite the treat for both the eyes and ears.  If you like this recrap, don’t forget to click on the “Recommend” button that […]

Well, well, well.  Look what the placenta eating cat dragged in.  Teen Mom is back!  And according to the 2,032 commercials that MTV has been showing this is the most dramatic year yet.  I hope that’s code for “We found Amber’s rope.”  I don’t care.  I said it.  You think you’re going to come here […]

That title is based on fact.  Yes, fact.  I’ve surveyed over zero teenage mothers and ended up with that highly classified data.   I’ve received a lot of emails and the like from readers asking me about my take on our beloved Amber spending 5 years in the slammer. I’m prepared to issue a statement. Also, […]

And so we meet again.  Dr Drew and his baby vomit green decides to bring Amber back after she stormed off stage due to her mom talking to Dr Drew about her daughter dying from SADS.  That’s a typo and, well, I’m keeping it because Amber stuffed into her blue blouse without spanx makes me […]

Woo hoo!  Let’s put these rust dumpsters under the microscope of Dr. Drew Potato Head and his removable hair piece!  I always love how we kick things off with a close up of Dr Drew with his face right in the camera like he’s trying to analyze each and every one of us through the […]

Well good day my good people of IBBB.  As many of you know (those who follow me on Facebook and Twitter) I have been battling what I can only assume is a giant dose of karma with a slam punch of bronchitis, sinus infection, 102 fever, and possible pneumonia.  I, of course, blame Amber and […]

Farrah – For those of you playing along at home, please stamp your Teen Mom BINGO card because, yes, we have found a Barney stuffed animal right off the bat.  I’m pretty sure Sophia thinks Barney is her dad.  Too soon?  Per usual, Debra is having a hard time with even the thought of Farrah […]

Farrah – It’s been about 3 minutes since our little Glow Worm with a new rack has made the friendly skies unfriendly so it only makes sense that Farrah is talking to Debra and filling us all in that she wants to travel to Florida to check out some below average school that takes worms […]

Farrah – Per usual we’re kicking things off with Farrah because her dirt bag attitude is this shows unsung hero.  Miss Gulch is in rear form during this crapisode but before we get to that it’s time to play “Where in the World Is Our Glow Worm Going?” (sung to the tune of the Carmen […]

Farrah – Apparently getting your “Pizza Making” 2 year degree deserves an endless celebration because Farrah’s dad is taking her out to brunch.  This, of course, requires him to have a little screwdriver with brunch basically to just get through it…kinda like what I have to do watching these trash heaps converse.  Farrah is filling […]

Farrah – Since Debra no longer seems to want to “slash-n-grab” Farrah’s face anymore we’re left with picking random storylines out of a black top-hat.  So what do we have in store this week, boys and girls?  Well we’re going to be heading off to the graveyard but of course!  Sophia, press pause on your […]

Farrah – It’s quite the celebratory day for our little Glow-Worm with bangs, Farrah, because she’s finally graduated with her associates degree from her local culinary school!  So basically at this point she’s qualified to cook me sandwiches out of an ice cream truck.  Although, I’m not too sure how good those sandwiches will be […]

Farrah – Oh Jesus, baby Goo is legit dressed like Dora and trying to help Farrah load the dishwasher.  Yes, my friends, it has come to this.  Is it just me or does Farrah talk to Sophia like she’s the family pet?  She keeps trying to get Sophia the Explorer away from the dishwasher because […]

Amber – Manscape your junk fella’s because Amber Portwood is back on the meat market!  The same as my mood changes with each beer I pound, Amber and Gary have decided to break up again.  I think the only difference is that Amber will only be using her mouth on Gar Bear and not her […]

Hello my good people.  Before we get down to brass tax, let’s get down to brass tacks.  For those of you who’ve helped me during the Celebrity Twitter Bomb, we’ll be playing again today.  It’s simple.  If you like this recap and want to help me continue to sell out then “Tweet” this recap (you […]

Farrah – Ooh la la!  Someone is finally ready to get back into the wonderful world of modeling.  I guess leopard print caftans aren’t going to sell themselves!  After boobs have been bought,  Farrah is thumbing through her “portfolio” and this is the first instance in this episode where I literally squealed with delight.  I’m […]

Cruel world, it’s been too long! After waiting almost as long for my parents to allow me to watch Weird Science on VHS, Teen Mom has finally returned! It’s fitting that the premiere is the week of 4th of July because like apple pie, fireworks, and red, white, and blue streamers there is nothing more […]

My Dearest Ambersand, I am forced to write this open letter to you as I am in fear of your life my own life.  I know you’ve been going through some really rough times lately.  First you got knocked to the up whilst 16 years old and, even worse, it took you 2 seasons to […]