Teen Mom Recap: So Many Ugly Cries So Little TimeAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023More: Like This Teen Mom Recap? Join Me Here on Facebook! Farrah – Death is never an easy topic to discuss, but luckily for us fans of Ye Ole Teenage Mother we get to chat about it typically upwards of 10 times per season and, well, last night was no different. When Farrah gets a […]
Teen Mom Recap: Farrah Fires Kiana and I Fire LifeAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Farrah – It’s basically day 2 of FroCo and Farrah’s employee Kiana is having a real hard time with the can-opener. And you want to know who isn’t being so supportive? Farrah. She’s eye-rolling her way to freedom as Kiana finds herself in quite the pickle. Luckily, Farrah gets to chat with Michael about this […]
Teen Mom OG Recap: Yes, Farrah’s Dad and Dr. David Got Into a Street FightAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Teen Mom OG is back! I added the “!” because I wasn’t sure if the eye-rolling emoji would translate here. Anyway, here we go. Once again I’m grateful to the trash boxes at MTV who made the decision to break the 4th wall and allow part of the show to be about, you know, actually […]
Teen Mom Recap: Butch Makes Amends (The Cliffs Notes Version)Author: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023When all else fails on this show, make Butch (allegedly) contractually obligated to make amends to his kids on camera. The only catch? The rehab facility won’t let them film the amends. Um, I mean, how am I supposed to know if I have a drug problem unless I see someone else’s amends, live, on […]
Teen Mom Recap: The Wedding of the CenturyAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Catelynn – It’s the day we’ve all been waiting for, I assume. It’s Cate and Tyler’s wedding day! Well, they have to have the rehearsal first. It’s at a castle. Everyone is wearing shorts and tank tops of sorts. The wind has been let out of Butch’s sail because Tyler had to let him know […]
Teen Mom OG Recap: Farrah’s Furniture Store – 200 Things You Need to KnowAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Farrah – It’s another week and another episode where Farrah drags Baby Goop to the highway to talk about Daddy Derrick, but this time there’s a surprise. Apparently Daddy Derrick’s family adopted a mile of highway in Derrick’s name so now there’s a giant sign where Farrah and Baby Goop can take pictures in front of. […]
Teen Mom Recap: Is Ryan Back to His Old Ways?Author: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Farrah – Pack the extra hair extensions (that we can always see the tracks on) because Farrah is heading overseas for a spell and needs to drop Baby Goop with anyone who hasn’t had rabies before and may know their way around an Epi-pen. But first, she wants to spend as much time with Sophia as […]
iCarly Totally Ghosts Catelynn and Tyler’s Birthday Party For HerAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023So I’m bummed I missed last weeks crapisode because I just got caught up and got to see the squalor that Tyler’s sister, Amber, left his house in. There were legit holes smashed through the glass, doors kicked apart, blankets matted to the wet dirt in the side yard and, I’m sure if I hit […]
Teen Mom Recap: I Mean, Who Doesn’t Have 7 Kids in 7 Different States?!Author: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023It’s another victorious episode of Teen Mom and by “victorious” I mean, “35 minutes of commercials and two chronic ugly cries.” Let’s dig into it. Giggity. Farah – You know who loves her mother and father? Farrah. I know it’s hard to see her love as her face is filled with poison and she suffers […]
Teen Mom OG Recap: Save Debra! Free Sophia! Save Debra! Free Sophia!Author: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Farrah – It’s Baby Goop’s first day of second grade and she’s up, dressed, and ready to terrorize kids her own age, which is a nice change of pace. I wonder if she’ll bring weeds from the highway for Show & Tell day? Time will tell…and, er, show I guess. Per usual, Debra and Farrah fight […]
Teen Mom OG: Cate and Ty Want to Buy Back iCarlyAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Is it just me or was anyone else hoping this would be the Christmas episode of Teen Mom OG? Sometimes I dream that Butch would be dressed as Santa, April would be Mrs. Claus and Brandon and Theresa are, of course, The Grinch (you know, since they basically stole Carly from Cate and Ty). Anyway, […]
Teen Mom Recap: Gary’s Vasectomy is Caught on FilmAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023It’s safe to say that this season’s Teen Mom is pretty much the pits. It’s also safe to say that I’ve missed a few episodes due to a self inflicted coma. It’s also safe to say that we’re all here this week strictly for Gary’s vasectomy. That’s right folks, Gary’s ding-a-ling-christmas-bells are getting a snippity-do-da-day right […]
Teen Mom OG Recap: Presenting 6″ Eyelash PortwoodAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023I missed the live Tweeting of Teen Mom last night since I was flying the friendly skies and getting back from a much needed vacation. But if it’s one thing I do know (besides Spanish now) it’s that nothing brings the country back together quite like the new season on Teen Mom OG (which stands, […]
Teen Mom Recap: The One Where Baby Goop Gets in TroubleAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Was my television possessed by el diablo last night? There was only one commercial shown every 5 minutes and then the show ended at 10:40. Personally I loved it. Although I wet my pants twice due to lack of bathroom time. Either way, it was a real win-win. More: Watch the Insanity That is Beyonce’s […]
Teen Mom OG Recap: Meet Debra’s Online Boyfriend, THE Kenny Rogers!Author: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023It’s the season finale of Teen Mom OG. How could it already be over? It seems like the season just started 72 weeks ago. Alas, here we are. Thanks for reading, sharing with your Facebook friends, and helping me to continue to sell out each and every week! Let’s get to it. Farrah – I guess […]
Teen Mom Recap: DebzOG Wedding is in Full Swing (sort of) and the Invitation is ConfusingAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Farrah – You know what always makes me cringe, besides Farrah’s burnt red weave, is when Debra still talks in the baby voice to Baby Goop. When she shows up the hotel room to “hand deliver” her wedding invitation she basically baby talks Goop into a coma. I get that it’s cute when they’re, you know, […]
Teen Mom OG Recap: Meet Gary the Tickle MonsterAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023>> Follow Me on Twitter & Facebook to Continue the Teen Mom Conversation! << I know I’ve said that Gary and Amber were basically the Roseanne and Dan Connor of our generation and, well, they basically do live in Lanford, but as time goes on I think I’m going to start to elevate them to Ross & Rachael status. I […]
Teen Mom Recap: The One Where Farrah Learns How to Assault from DebraAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023After the flu last week, both Teen Mom and I are back! And look at that…just in time for the season finale. Ole! Farrah – Things are really looking like they’re on the up and up for Farrah and Farrah’s frozen face-o-horror. First off, Simon is back! I mean, that man can certainly take a beating! […]
Teen Mom OG Reunion Recap: The One Where Amber Fights FarrahAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023I don’t always recap the Teen Mom reunion because it’s a lot of same/same from the season, but today I’m here for the good old classic fighting between Marilyn Monroe and the Real-Life Glow Worm. Oh, you probably know them best as “Amber” and “Farrah.” I sometimes forget you guys aren’t in my head. Either […]
Saint Amber Portwood is With Child (The Teen Mom Recap)Author: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Amber – Since Ambjikistan spent last episode chasing chickens with Leah, that’s enough time needed so she and her new boyfriend, Dom DeLuise, are heading to Hawaii for a little vacation so (in their words) they can think about Leah and then send her a gift. So that’s cool. Is it just me or does Dom […]
Teen Mom OG Recap: Amber Tours the Country As Gary ReclinesAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023> Follow Me on Twitter & Facebook to Continue the Teen Mom Conversation! < Well hello my good people of Teen Mom. So we meet again. This week is filled with a lot of action packed adventure and hijinx! I’m kidding. It is, of course, filled mainly with people sitting on oversized puffy leather couches and binge eating while the world’s […]
Teen Mom 2 Recap: Jenelle Brings Out the Tears, Brings Out the FunkAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Jenelle – Oh hi, Jenelle. This week Jenelle gives a fully thought-out presentation to her lawyer on the 5 steps she’s planning on taking to get Jace back. I’m kidding, she basically tried to figure out ways to use her son to get criminal charges dropped against her so she can get into that glorious […]
Bigger Than Beyonce? Debz OG is Rapping (or Stroking Out) in Her New Video (VIDEO!?)Author: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Allow me to reintroduce myself my name is Humpty, I’m IBBB and she is now apparently Debz OG and, well, if you ever wondered exactly the final sign of the “End of Days” was you’re correct if you thought it was Trump becoming President, but you’re even more correct if you guessed it was Farrah’s mom, Debra Danielson, from […]
Catelynn is Pregnant and Tyler (and Everyone Else) is ShockedAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023 Farrah — This trip to Italy is really never ending but, let’s just be clear, they saved the best for last. Farrah and Debz decide to head out to an Italian karaoke bar because, sure, why not. I mean, it makes sense since there’s just basically one country left that doesn’t hate us. The karaoke […]
Teen Mom Recap: The One Where Leah Learns Her Sister is an AccidentAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023I wanted to title this one “The One Where Everyone is Pregnant” but I just figured that was a given since if it’s one thing we’ve learned from 25 years of Teen Mom episodes it’s that when doing naughty boom boom feels good, the hell with protection! This week we learn that Gary’s Polygamist Sect […]
Being Butch Recap: Butch Loves Coke More Than Tyler & I Love Butch More Than LifeAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Well apparently MTV is just taking requests from me at this point. Last week we had the second coming of Christ in the “Being Barbara” special and now we have “Being Butch.” While I’m putting things out there to MTV, how about: Being Suzi (on a bender) or Being Janet (Jo’s mom) or Being Debra […]
Teen Mom OG Recap: Farrah + Nanny Franny + Hate Crimes = True LoveAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Well, well, well, looks like we’re all back! I missed last week as I was traveling, so let’s just pretend the first episode never happened. Oh, also did you know I did a video with Debra last week?! Check it out here. We all drank beers, wine, and she talked smack about Maci and Barb. […]
So THIS is What Led Up to Farrah Being Fired from Teen Mom?!Author: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Farrah – How come almost every scene with Farrah involves a cooking class or a unicorn? I was getting a bit bored until the scene with Debz OG popped up where she had to call Dr. David so he could wish her a happy birthday. He pretty much cut her off, ‘yeah, yeah, yeah’d’ her to […]
Gary the Hairy Fairy and the Case of Farrah’s First Ugly CryAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Is it just me or is Teen Mom on for an hour, but there are about 46 minutes of commercials? It’s like we watch Amber curled up on the couch looking out the window and then they go to commercial. Then they come back and Catelynn is laying on her bed…and then they go to […]
Teen Mom OG: The One Where Farrah Has 10 Jobs in One EpisodeAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Well folks, Teen Mom OG is back! Let’s just jump right into last night’s episode because you know how this all works. Ole! Farrah – Everything is making complete sense in Farrah’s world. Larry the producer is back in action and ready to film until his backdoor explodes apparently because Farrah has ordered a Port-a-Potty […]
Teen Mom Recap: Free Butch! Free Starburst! Free Me!Author: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Farrah – So looks like Farrah did end up buying that mini horse for Baby Goop. The producers want to stay outside and play with the horse and Goop instead of going inside and risking their lives talking to Farrah. Eh, at least they get to have fun wearing shoe covers like they’re heading into surgery […]
Teen Mom Recap: Farrah and Jenelle Team Up to Ruin Debra’s WeddingAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Farrah – News of Debz upcoming wedding is really making the rounds. So much so that Jenelle apparently called Farrah (can you imagine how that call went?!) to let her know that Debra invited Jenelle’s ex-husband, Cortland, to her wedding. I’m a little offended I never made the final guest list, but I don’t have a […]