I mean come on now. Seriously. Which lever to I pull for the anvil to fall on my head? Heidi and Spencer are continuing their prank on America by coming up with new and ridiculous stories, none of which I buy. Not one. I do want to go on record saying I don’t believe any […]
steve sanders
Man With Santa Pubes Beard Attacks Lifelike Q-Tip?
Oh wait, cancel the call to the police. A life-like Q-Tip is actually one Ms Heidi Montag and the man with the Santa pubes beard is actual one Mr. Santa Pubes Pratt. I was wondering why the paparazzi wasn’t doing anything?! Heidi and Steve Sanders continued their “We’re Going to Burn in Hell One Day” […]
But Where are the Seagulls?
Fashion, put it all on me don’t you wanna see these clothes on me. At first horrid glance, I assumed that Heidi and Spencer were filming a new and wonderful music video whilst on the beach in CA the other day. Alas, they weren’t. Spencer Pratt is trying to get Heidi Montag’s ass (which at […]
Douche Bags! They’re Just Like Us!
I’ve always wondered what it would be like to write creepy comic-strip jokes in the Sunday paper. A normal Sunday paper would never hire me, so I’ve decided to write my own “Hills Comic Strip.” Clearly I have a knack for cheesy jokes and, well, Heidi and Steve Sanders basically write this crap themselves. IBBB […]
Funny, This is What I Always Assumed Heidi’s Vaginastein Looked Like
These two can officially kill themselves. I am now giving them permission to do so. Heidi, her new chin, new boobs, new nose, and Steve Sanders filmed riveting scenes for upcoming episodes of this show they’re on. That show is called “The Hills.” Apparently it’s been on for a while. Whilst the two frolic on […]
I Now Pronounce You “Mr and Mrs. Santa Pubes.” You May Kiss Us Weekly.
Let me just say that I’ve probably taken 4 days off from the blog in the past 2 years. Of course, of course, I would take the day off when Heidi, her new chin, her new boobs, her new nose, her fake hair, would marry Spencer/Steve Sanders and his Santa pubes. Of course I would […]
And You Know That the Security Machine Beeped Every Time Heidi Walked Through!
Heidi and Steve Sanders were heading out of LAX to an unknown destination. I’m assuming they’re flying to Crested Butte so that they can cook up and eat Heidi’s horse for Thanksgiving just like the Pilgrims did in 1492. Perhaps my math is wrong. Anyway, I wonder how many times the security machine beeped when […]
They Don’t Even Bother Hiding the Script
Steve Sanders and Sandy Sanders enjoyed a wonder taco lunch on Sunset Boulevard in LA the other day while they also filmed “scenes” for The Hills. Holy Christ is this season ever going to end? I’m pretty sure I spotted the script sitting right there on their table and I’m 100% certain I spotted Stephanie […]
This Time Last Year: Heidi, the Fugly Mermaid
Happy Halloween and welcome back to everyones favorite lazy segment called “This Time Last Year.” This Time Last Year will take a brief look at what was going on in the celebrity world…this time last year (go figure). Oh, and also I’m lazy so this is pretty easy to do on a Friday. Here’s what […]
Stop Teasing Us and Just Use the Gun Already!
First of all if you’re not going to play “Murder/Suicide” than I don’t want to see these pictures. Second of all, I don’t care why these pictures were actually taken…there is no part of me that believes that Heidi Montag can read more than 4 words (boobs, nose, chin, lips). Third of all, I’m waiting […]
And You Know the Homeless Are Like, “Eh, I’ll Pass Thanks”
Heidi and Steve Sanders are continuing on with their “We Help People” press tour. This time around they’re scooping mashed potatos and toilet water sundae’s (I’d assume) at the Union Rescue Mission House. I have a question. Why are Heidi and Steve Sanders wearing white gardening gloves WITH plastic gloves over their gardening gloves? They’re […]
You Know What? I Don’t Want to See the Slaughtered Cow on the Wall, Why Would I Want to See This?
Unless this is their obituary photo, I don’t want to see it. Heidi and Steve Sanders, from The Hills, are now hanging from the wall at Wolfgang Puck’s restaurant, “Cut.” It’s not as promising as it sounds. Their pictures are hanging there, not them themselves. Ugh. Better luck next time. Seriously the last thing I […]
Oh God, Where Do I Go With This One
Look, even I’m not going to make some dumb joke about these kids. IBBB does, in fact, have a heart….contrary to popular belief. I just think that these kids have already suffered enough. To have to sit there and pretend that they’re happy to see Heidi and Steve Sanders is just like adding salt to […]
When Did Spencer Start Dating Cindy McCain?
So is this Cindy McCain sub-storyline going to make it into future crapisodes of The Hills? Steve Sanders and Heidi Montard, who literally looks like a Q-tip, walked the gray carpet at the Pink Party in Santa Monica yesterday. Elyse Walker played host to the 4th Annual function that was held in Hangar 8 at […]
A Two-Headed Montag Monster…..and Heidi’s Mom is Suddenly the New Dina Lohan
I couldn’t decide on what to title this post so I combined them. I own this crap. I get to decide. Anyhills, my worst nightmare has come true (Siamese Montag sisters) at the same time my dream has come true (Darlene Montag is totally the new Dina Lohan!). It’s almost like Hills implosion for me. […]
Yes! We Finally Have a Strategy on How to Smoke Bin Landen Out of the Hole He’s Hiding in! Heidi and Spencer are Going to Iraq!
Please don’t stop the war yet! Just give it a little more time! Trust me, you’ll thank me later troops! Heidi and Spencer have surprisingly strayed away from Us Weekly and told Extra that Heidi plans on going over to the Middle East and “perform” for the troops. No joke. Haven’t these troops suffered enough? […]
Yay! A Heidi Spencer Murder Suicide?!
Alarming statistics show that those who own guns are 55% more likely to have an accidental deadly shooting in their own home than those who don’t own guns. Well if Heidi owns a gun and Spencer owns a gun, isn’t that like an over 100% chance that these two clowns are going to “accidentally” kill […]
An Olsen vs. Spencer Pratt? It’s like “Sophie’s Choice” for Me!
What does one do when their two favorite worlds collide? You first pray to your Santa and then you write a letter to your Jesus. That’s what I do and it always seems to provide me with a sense of peace. An indistinguishable Olsen and Spencer Pratt are getting into a bit of a faux-fight […]
Ebony and Retardory
Heidi Montard, who apparently is taking hairstyling tips from Dina Lohan, was not only showing her support (and horselike features) at the Boost Mobile Rock Corps concert at the Gibson Amphitheatre in CA the other night, but she also really showed her talent while on stage with 30 Rock’s Tracy Morgan. What a match made […]
Heidi’s Gun Won’t Slow Me Down!
You think I’m afraid of a little gunshot wound? I don’t think so, Heidi. According to In Touch Weekly, Heidi and Spencer have made some enemies and want to protect themselves so they stopped by Martin B Redding store in Culver City, CA about a week or so ago and purchased $10,000 worth of guns. […]
I Hate You, You Hate Me
I hate you, you hate me, we’re a fame-whore family. With a great big chin and some big new boobs to boot. Won’t you say you love me too? Awww, we all love that song. Heidi, Steve Sanders, and Barney stopped to take an impromptu photo at the “A Time for Heroes Celebrity Carnival” yesterday […]
The Three Wise Men
EXACTLY. Source
Heidi and Spencer’s Wedding
Heidi Montard and Steve Sanders were all child-like and carefree….and plastic and evil..while playing reindeer games all around Disneyland yesterday. Seriously, who goes to DisneyLAND anymore? DisneyWORLD is where it’s at. Disneyland is so 70’s and is probably filled with retro pedophiles. Anyway, Heidi and Steve Sanders spontaneously decided to ride the Toy Story interactive […]
Spencer Sasses Back!
Bruce Jenner may have sassed the pants off of Spencer Pratt yesterday, but now Spencer Pratt is shooting him back using his sassooka. After Bruce and his facelifted face told Us Weekly that Spencer was a bad influence on his son, Brody, Spencer went back to blowing Us Weekly and had this to say: “That’s […]
Heidi and Spencer are Still Together?
Heidi Montard and Steve Sanders are shockingly photographed after having a little lunch yesterday at Cafe Vida in Pacific Palisades, CA. (Please read the following with both sarcasm and a British accent, just for kicks). Wait a minute, they’re together? But on The Hills the other night Heidi said they were broken up whilst she […]
Heidi Runs the Kentucky Derby!
Uh-oh, check your mint juleps for piss and silicon drippings because Heidi Montag was at The Kentucky Derby. Well, she wasn’t so much “at it” as I imagined her running it. Sadly, a horse was euthanized. You may have snuck away this time, Heidi Montag, but we will get you…oh we will. Ok ok so […]
Heidi Plays “Fashion Show.”
The sexy beastmaster that is Heidi Montag was all smiles (and boobs and chin) while at her very own fashion show for her new clothing line, which I refuse to name. Heidi didn’t look too much like a newscaster during the fashion show, which is a positive sign for her and can only mean there […]
Dear Spencer Pratt…
Dear Spencer Pratt, My girlfriend recently got new boobs, a new chin, new lips, and sings really bad. She’s done all of these things and still doesn’t look that good. Should I leave her or should I follow her around to different parties that she goes to with a boombox behind her? Help! Signed,Steve Sanders […]
Steve Sanders Cheats on Heidi?
I would say that The Hills is trying to create some additional buzz since the new season of the show starts up in a few weeks, but US Weekly seems to do a story with Heidi and Steve Sanders 47.3 times per month. This time around, Heidi quickly dries the tears from her step-brothers funeral […]
Heidi and Steve Sanders “Film” at Kitson
Busy busy busy! Heidi Montard and Steve Sanders were “working” while at Kitson on Robertson Blvd in Hollywood recently. I say they’re working not because they will eventually be retail clerks at Kitson, but because they were in process of filming for an original episode of “The Fit” which will air on Myspace. You can […]
Super Heidi Boobs Brothers!
We’re sorry Heidi, but your chin is in another castle! Steve Sanders (Spencer Pratt) continues his incestuous relationship with Us Weekly and tells them that there is a Heidi and Spencer video game in the works. Steve Sanders says, “We’re definitely developing the Heidi and Spencer video game. It’s top secret. Let’s just say that […]
Heidi Cries. Now With Hand Movements!
I’d check Spencer’s boombox for onions. Heidi Montard and Steve Sanders had an impromptu photoshoot of Heidi reacting to the poor reviews of her new video, which I believe it called, “Chasing Seagulls.” Personally I like how Heidi has one hand placed stressfully over her forehead, also known as the only original piece of her […]