Funny Real Housewives of New Jersey Recaps Like You've Never Read Before

I couldn’t be more excited that FINALLY the newest season of Real Housewives of New Jersey is here!  It’s debuting on October 4th and there’s a new cast member we’re already scratching our head over.  It seems like this season Dolores and Siggy are ready to throw down, Danielle Staub is back (!!), Theresa and […]

1. When I woke up and remembered sentencing started at 10am, I opened up every piece of social media and was like… 2.  And then I waited…and waited.  And then waited some more.  Then I waited again and was like… 3.  Then I read the Tweet that Joe’s sentencing was ready to begin and I […]

We’re on Week 8 of “We Already Know You’re Going to Jail, We Just Want to Know for How Long.”  Even though RHONJ is taking a hit in the ratings I’m still on for 2 reasons.  (1) I want to see what the behind-the-scenes is really like and (2) I haven’t had a life since […]

If it’s one thing we can all relate to, it’s never humiliate someone enough that they’re embarrassed to show their spray-tanned face at the local Dunkin Donuts.  For those of you reading this in the parts of the world where Dunkin Donuts doesn’t exist, first off, hi Tajikistan (!) and second, Dunkin Donuts is basically […]

Well I’m officially back from vacation and am trying to remember how to type and form sentences so bear/bare/beer with me whilst I recover from numbing my brain with sun and booze.  Also, by the time I got back to my apartment my DVR was on fire.  Apparently I recorded a lot of bad reality […]

We’re celebrating the Christmas season (and no other religious celebration) in New Jersey this week.  Truth be told, every day is like Christmas when you’re in New Jersey.  I mean, I just hear that.  I will, of course, never set foot in that state as I am allergic to hair gel and gold chains.  Allegedly. […]

What seems like the amount of time it takes for Mad Men to come back on the air, RHONJ is finally back!  And the first thing I want to know is the same as what everyone else wants to know.  Where can we get Kathy’s cannoli?  I jest.  We won’t be seeing as much of […]

Christmas has come early for those “sans life” like me!  Bravo has just released a video preview of the new season of Real Housewives of New Jersey that’s slated to premiere on July 13th, 2014.  I hear that they’re still waiting to shoot the sentencing of Teresa and Joe and, well, I’m all in for […]

Is it too soon for Hurricane Sandy Duncan jokes?  I’d assume “no” but I am typically sans social graces.  We’ve finally arrived to the season finale of The Real Housewives of New Jersey so that can only really mean one thing; we are ready for the fist-fight to end all fist-fights.  Watching the tall-challenged throw […]

I’d like to place an order.  Yeah, I’d like a large Italian sub with no tomatoes and no hots.  How much is that?  How long will that  be?  End scene.  Also, and scene.  I can honestly say that each week the Real Housewives of New Jersey is on I always want an Italian sub.  Always. […]

After traveling and the like I’m finally able to watch and recap another crapisode of Real Housewives of the Armpit of the Nation.  I was concerned that I had missed too much and I would never be able to understand what is happening but, alas, after seeing legit 11 seconds worth of footage…I’m back to […]

Happy Labor Day, my American friends!  For those of you reading this “over the seas” and don’t know what Labor Day is, it’s basically the time when the 3 Wise Men rode their Segways throughout middle America trying to track down Lewis and Clarke so that the Tooth Fairy could let us know if we […]

“First I was 1, then I was 2, then I was 3, then I was 4…now I am not 4.”  Who cares about this show because today is my birthday!  I have written dozens of letters (via magazine cut-outs) and mailed them to Gia (z-snap) to see if she would be kind enough to sing […]

It’s amazing how quickly you can get bored when people aren’t throwing punches and rubbing their shoe polished head all over the place.  It’s week 2 of the New Jersey Peace Treaty and I’m not entirely sure what this crapisode was about.  One thing I do know for sure is that Sizzle Tans has an […]

It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for, for what seems like 3 seasons now.  The time has finally arrived.  Yes, Richie went sledding down a snowy hill on his stomach.  I know.  It really seems like a full circle moment.  Like me,  you were probably wondering “will Richie go take advantage of all that […]

Celebrity Twitter Bomb Update:  I was tipped off that Rebecca Romijn is a huge Housewives fan and is new to Twitter as of yesterday to I say let’s Twitter Bomb her this RHONJ Recap.  Ole!  So please Tweet this recap to @RebeccaARomijn and @ibbb and maybe we can get her to actually read this here craptastic blog and invite […]

I haven’t been this excited for a Sunday night since CBS debuted Circus of the Stars.  There was just something about seeing Nell Carter on a trapeze that really made me feel connected to life again.  Either way, if it’s one thing I like about RHONJ it’s when oily slaps get thrown on the regular […]

Happy first Monday after the 4th of July!  I’m as fried as the sausage that Teresa and her family were making in the filthy garage.  Like any episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey it’s important that we hit as many Italian stereotypes as we can. If you’re playing RHONJ Bingo at home like I […]

Who in the holy peperoncini hell gets into fights via “the Twitter?”  No really, can someone give me helpful tips and hints because I’ve been Tweeting Amanda Bynes for weeks, poking her like one would do with a stick to a bear in the zoo, and zip, nada, nothing.  I’d kill to get into a […]

If you’re like me, you’ve been still trying to figure out how many days Melissa waited to go visit Captain Nono in purgatory.  Well, folks, we’re not alone.  You see, this week Tre and the rest of the Capicola 4 are still discussing new an innovative ways to figure out how many days it is […]

Well folks, it’s week three of “Does Gia Have Her Period.”   Spoiler Alert:  Not Yet.  However, RHONJ will be sure to keep us posted on all the necessary details.  The conversations that take place on camera about this 12 year old girl are so creepy that I’m pretty sure just watching it means that you […]

I have to admit I’m kind of pissed that we’re two episodes into RHONJ and no one has talked about the “jokes” from Teresa’s cookbook.  It’s strange because I’m sure to incorporate those jokes into my everyday life so I’m not quite sure why they don’t.  Either way, one thing is for sure Gia (z-snap) […]

Lower your hairline a few inches and try not to look directly into the camera because Real Housewives of New Jersey is back!  I haven’t been this excited for Sunday night television since they moved Night Court to the 8:30 time slot and really started developing Roz’s character more.  I’m sure you feel the same […]