#RHOBH Recap: The Lurker in the GarageAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023As long as there’s a chance that Kim is doing dismounts off her wagon, I’ll be here to recap this junk again. As soon as she goes on the straight and narrow I’ll reevaluate my life in its entirety. This week we continue on with the poker fight from last week. Kim is still being […]
RHOBH Recap: Table Flip 2.0Author: Patrick Varone Updated: January 1, 2023Was anyone else as psyched as me to get to this episode finally?! If you answered “yes” then I look forward to seeing you in the losers meeting this coming Friday. Say hello. Anygarb, this week we continue on with Yolander’s childhood tour in which she can show the girls two things: (1) How to […]
RHOBH Recap: The Pointless Scavenger Hunt to AmsterdamAuthor: ibbb Updated: February 24, 2015I’m not going to lie. I barely understood what this episode was about. I feel like the producers drank an entire bottle of bourbon and then just started piecing scenes and ideas together. I want to meet the person who was in the pitch meeting and was like, “So we’ll air, like, 35 minutes of […]
RHOBH Recap: Real Housewives of the Stranger at the PentagonAuthor: ibbb Updated: February 10, 2015Is it wrong to say that even though Kim may be on a substance…or off a substance…or even under a substance…she still looks good. In fact, I’d wager a bet to say that this is the best she’s looked since this pesky little show started. Apparently Bravo is shelling out brush money these days. Good […]
RHOBH Recap: Kim is Ornery…Ornery Sauced.Author: ibbb Updated: January 21, 2015Well look at us. Back together. For the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Now I haven’t recapped a RHOBH episode in a while as I had a firm stance on the show not being worth while anymore once Kim sobered up. Personally, I feel like a life of sobriety is one lacking bad decisions and, […]
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: It’s 2014. Stop Calling it a “White Party”Author: ibbb Updated: November 19, 2014Thanks to all who joined me for a little live-tweeting of the season premiere of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And a special thank you to Andy Cohen who retweeted me during said event. And by “Andy Cohen” I of course mean “his assistant who controls his Twitter account.” Speaking of which, join me on […]
RHOBH Recap: From Turtles to Iguanas to, One Day, Pills AgainAuthor: ibbb Updated: March 4, 2014Grab the tissues…and try to choke yourself with them because this episode of Real Housewives where Yolanda’s daughter and Kim’s daughter go off to college make me want to take a dirt-nap immediately, if not sooner. Things kick off with Day 27 of the Puerto Rico trip. Everyone is wondering where Lisa has gone since […]
RHOBH Recap: The One Where Our Spanish Lesson Comes to LifeAuthor: ibbb Updated: February 25, 2014In typical Housewives fashion, everyone is taking a group trip and this time we’re going to the place that apparently Joyce owns, Puerto Rico. Obligatory “ole!” I truly believe that no one is more excited by this trip than Kim Richards, who is busy telling stories to us in Spanish that consist of her liking […]
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Can You Botox Your Tongue?Author: ibbb Updated: February 11, 2014If it’s one thing I’ve always wanted during any season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills it was to have actual intercourse with some of their houses. Like, I’d play dippity-ding-dong with the conservatory in Lisa’s home for example. This urge has never been more apparent than with Mohammed’s house. Is it a house, even? […]
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Don’t You Dare Command Carlton’s Ding-a-lingAuthor: ibbb Updated: February 4, 2014I’m pretty sure it’s time to end the season. Here’s why. When a lunch meeting is being set up between Joyce, Carlton, and Carlton’s tucked ding-ding to discuss possible spells and other witchcraft that may or may not have been used on Joyce’s husband the previous night…you know it’s time to throw in the towel. […]
RHOBH Recap: Starring Marilyn McCoo and Jimmy McNicol Because, Well, We’re ThereAuthor: ibbb Updated: January 28, 2014I’m starting to think that not only is Carlton hiding a penis on us, but she’s also hiding the fact that she’s slowly turning into the new Kim Richards. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ready for Andy Cohen do give her the boot but at least for now we can make penis jokes all the […]
RHOBH Recap: So Sacramento Looks PrettyAuthor: ibbb Updated: January 21, 2014Right off the bat we’re all stamping our Bingo cards because Carlton is having women come over to try out as pole dancers for her annual pool party. You wanna know what I was doing at my family’s annual pool party? Peeing in it. Either way, if it’s one thing we all know Carlton loves […]
RHOBH Recap: All About Kim’s WienerAuthor: ibbb Updated: January 14, 2014Everybody loves a comeback story, especially starring Kim’s wiener taking a ride first class up to witch mountain. This week we get to sit a spell (not to be confused with Speak-n-Spell) and watch the Richard sisters get their gentlemen greeters waxed whilst holding a wide variety of dildos because, well, Russell killed himself two […]
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Bullying the Horse: Part IIIAuthor: ibbb Updated: January 7, 2014I’m back from vacation/delivering gifts to all the rotten girls and boys in the United States and awkward parts of both Mexico and Canada. And New Mexico. Ole! With that said I got a case of the frights that missing two weeks of Real Housewives would leave me lost and confused. The good news is […]
RHOBH Recap: When Kim Richards Calls Out Your Drinking, It’s Time to Switch Over to WaterAuthor: ibbb Updated: December 17, 2013We pick right up where we left off last week with Brandi slurring her way to freedom. Kim is still trying to figure out what “bullying” means and Yolanda is most likely adding the finishing touches to her Swiss Miss all whilst Joyce is flipping her hair from one side of her body to the […]
RHOBH Recap: A Drunken White Woman Gets Racist in the PoolAuthor: ibbb Updated: December 10, 2013Stamp your passport and clean up the beav because white women are going to Palm Springs for a relaxing weekend on Joyce’s dime. Before we can depart, however, we’re forced to watch Brandi give us a heads up about her next book that, per usual, deals with sex. I wonder if she gives women tips […]
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Has Everyone Just Given Up?Author: ibbb Updated: December 3, 2013Welcome back, everybody! After a nice Thanksgiving break I’m ready to pick up where I left off before which is basically the gutter. Join me, won’t you? I’m still on the edge of my seat after last weeks episode where Joyce pulled Lisa aside to discuss the incident where Lisa asked that Joyce not fix […]
RHOBH: Because You Always Take a Bath in Front of Your FriendsAuthor: ibbb Updated: November 19, 2013If you’re pressed for time let me take you through this recap in two short statements: (1) Discussions about Lisa fainting takes up 43 minutes and (2) Carlton may be a lesbian and a witch, but may not be a lesbian witch. For those of you who have more time on your hands, let’s get […]
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Carlton is Already Over Your Sh*TAuthor: ibbb Updated: November 12, 2013I’m still coming down from my high of Monday after an article I wrote was published over at Haper’s BAZAAR and then later picked up by Cosmopolitan. If you haven’t gone to those sites and Liked/Tweeted and Commented on my article, you’re dead to me. However, thanks to all of you who have been super […]
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Happy 100th Birthday (?) Beverly Hills. Here’s to Another 5.Author: ibbb Updated: November 9, 2013Obamacare, shmobamacare! All that matters is that the Real Housewives of Beaverly Lakes is back! If you think your 1% raise from last year increased the quality of your life that’ll all be put in check when you’re forced to watch scenes with rich women complaining about trust issues all whilst sporting clothes that cost […]
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: I Wonder What They Did With Russell’s Filet?Author: ibbb Updated: January 24, 2012Well folks, the time has come. We’re ready to give our little Pandorita away to her finance who may or may not have spoken actual words this season. That’s right, the entire episode is basically wedding related. Well, to be truthful it wasn’t all a snooze. I mean, the first 10 minutes consisted of Paul […]
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Ken is Definitely the Cursed Tiki (Doo Doo Doooo)Author: ibbb Updated: January 10, 2012For me, everything goes back to The Brady Bunch and this crapisode, well, is of no exception. Everyone is still in Hawaii because it’s Mauricio’s birthday and apparently this is the kind of party you have when Estrella has a new face and won’t bake you a birthday cake in the shape of a taco […]
Real Housewives of Beaverly La(t)kes: Friends Don’t Sue Friends. Friends Just Turn a Blind Eye to Friends With Really Long Age-Inappropriate Hair.Author: ibbb Updated: December 20, 2011When I walk into a room, I OWN it! Sorry, wrong show. The point is, is that I’m on a 2 week vacation from work and, therefore, every day is like Saturday to me where I forgot to watch all of my favorite shows. Either way, here’s a “lite version” of what went down last […]
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: I Want Kim’s Voicemail to Be the Soundtrack of My LifeAuthor: ibbb Updated: December 13, 2011Attention everybody, Kennedy has received a horse. Sorry, I know that’s off topic, but I forgot to mention that little gem from a few episodes ago and, well, it plays in a loop in my head on the regular. In fact, I’ve made it my alarm clock in the morning: Kennedy has received a horse. […]
Real Housewives of Beaverly La(t)kes: Braless Party Fights, Beverly Hills StyleAuthor: ibbb Updated: December 6, 2011I’m not quite sure what took me so long this season, but here are the opening remarks from the ladies that I’d prefer to hear in the opening credits: Life in Beverly Hills is a game and so was the adoption of our “son.” I’m not the richest girl in Beverly Hills, but I do […]
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: So, Uh, Russell. Yeah?Author: ibbb Updated: November 29, 2011I have to admit, I’m barely able to follow what the point of the Real Housewives of Beaverly Lakes is even about these days. I know they’re throwing a lot of parties and “teas” but other than that what are we actually working towards this season? Ah yes, I remember now. Russell’s untimely dirt nap. […]
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: If You Can’t Be My Friend, Please Just Don’t Be BritishAuthor: ibbb Updated: November 15, 2011Being George Glass – This must be the crapisode where everyone cries (tears of diamonds). We kick things off where we left off last week in which Kim is springing her new boyfriend of 1 year, George Glass, to her man-hands sister, Kyle. Kyle seemed to really handle it well since, you know, she kept […]
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Adrienne’s Spa Party Costs More Than You, Your Children, and Your Children’s Children Will Ever Make in 16 LifetimesAuthor: ibbb Updated: October 25, 2011We’re at the part in the season when fights and threats have flown throughout a couple of episodes and now it’s time to settle in to teaching Adrienne how to make chicken. Yup. Chicken. Luckily Lisa Vanderfunk is free to give Adrienne a lesson on how to get sexy with chicken carcass and, eventually, get […]
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Slut Pigs are Pretty Much the Best Kind of PigsAuthor: ibbb Updated: October 18, 2011Since there never really seems to be any rhyme or reason to these episodes, I’ve decided to just toss out the 8 random things I think are worth discussing on last nights crapisode of Real Housewives of Beaverly Latkes. Let’s go! A Slut Pig is a Slut Pig is a Slut Pig – I once […]
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: You Are. A God-Damn B*tch.Author: ibbb Updated: October 11, 2011I’ve pretty much only been watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills this season just to hear Kim call Brandi two things: 1. A God-damn b*tch 2. A slut-pig We’ve only achieved one of these things tonight. Oh, and I’m also a complete tool so I also watch this season because of that. After we get […]
Real Housewives of Beaverly Lakes: Kim Found Her Voice…and Meth Wants It BackAuthor: ibbb Updated: September 27, 2011IBBB was on his death bed last week, as you know, so I was unable to recap the absolute horror that was Taylor for 60 minutes. From trying to fit into her luggage (spoiler alert: her bony ass fit), to freaking out over someone “stealing” her makeup bag, to finally having the cutest little breakdown […]
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Beaver Creek. Haha. Creek.Author: ibbb Updated: September 13, 2011I knew something was missing from last weeks crapisode and that was, of course, the opening credits. Well, like season 3 of Gimme a Break, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills updated theirs and, well, it didn’t disappoint. First off everyone is wearing dresses as if they’re going to a Quinceanera (ole!) and diamond dust […]