One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Whore!Author: Patrick Varone Updated: May 7, 2010JWoww ShamWow and Snooki were celebrating Cinco de Mayo in Miami whilst filming scenes for the new season of Jersey Shore. With all the grease and oil that’s all over them you’d assume the lime would just shoot out of their mouths like a bullet. I’m glad that JWoww is wearing her token sombrero, but […]
JWoww’s Boobs are Going to Catch Secondhand SmokeAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: April 22, 2010Well. As if we didn’t already know that JWoww ShamWow smelled like a mix between packaged ham, Sex on the Beach test tube shots, and burnt skin, we can finally add Misty 120’s to that list of scents as well. I mean, it’s like her future perfume line invents itself. JWoww was caught by the […]
Remember That Episode of Punky Brewster When Punky Went to Live With that Rich Family?Author: Patrick Varone Updated: April 15, 2010Well now this IS bazaar and bizarre all wrapped up and held together with the elastic band from tanning goggles. Snooki, JWoww ShamWow, and Sami SweatStains all became elegant “ladies” for a photoshoot with Harper’s Bazaar magazine. Uh, maybe Nell Harper’s. The pigs in heat all got etiquette lessons from Lizzie Post and put […]
Snooki Finally Showing Us How She Protects Her Face from PunchesAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: April 12, 2010Wanna try and punch Snooki in the face again? Well good luck getting through two layers of tan and Real Housewives of Orange County inspired fingernails. Oh that’s right, Snooki is putting up quite the defense this season. I also like how Snooks is being proactive in regards to her red highlights she’s added to […]
Miami is Just a Trashy Stopover. Jersey Shore Season 2 Finishing Up at the Jersey Shore!Author: Patrick Varone Updated: April 9, 2010It’s like all of a sudden saying that the birth of Jesus took place in a bedazzled stainless steel manger in the sunny Caribbean. You just can’t rewrite history like that. Well the same goes for the trashmasters over at the Jersey Shore. People (i.e me) were dumbfounded when they heard that Snooki and crew […]
Snooki Lands in South Beach. Welcome to Miami, Bienvenguido a Miami!Author: Patrick Varone Updated: April 7, 2010Refreshed with a stack of sombreros, Snooki is doing her best Speedy Gonzales impression in caliente South Beach, Miami. See what I’m doing with all the Spanish references? I may be over it already. Anygtl, Snooki Gonzales met up with her other cast-mates like JWoww ShamWow, who is slowly channeling Charo in that dress (coochie! […]
Wanna Help St. Jude’s Hospital? Buy Pauly D’s Tanning Bed. Yeah, You Read That Right.Author: Patrick Varone Updated: March 24, 2010What would you do if I told you that you could help the children of St. Jude’s Hospital AND become a juiced-up-GTL-Guido all at the same time? I’m sure you’d say, “But IBBB! It can’t be so. How can I achieve all of my life’s goals in one quick shot?” Well, I’d reply back to […]
JWoww ShamWow Doing Anything BUT Dancing With a Combo Beaver/Seal is Just Plain PointlessAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: March 16, 2010I can hardly wait until the new season of Jersey Shore starts up. To keep myself entertained I’ve been collecting dust bunnies from my apartment and gluing them together with 2 parts chewing gum to 3 parts sugar water and making an “instant poof” that I place on top of my TV so that I […]
Who The Hell is He Always Pointing At?!Author: Patrick Varone Updated: March 12, 2010Ugh. Why always the pointing with the fingers? Who do you see, Pauly? Just tell us for Christ sakes. Use your words, Pauly, use your words. A lifelike Troll Doll, Pauly D from Jersey Shore, made a red carpet appearance in Vegas the other night to attend the premiere of “She’s Out of My League” […]
Snooki’s Boyfriend Wants to Put Her on a Diet. I Say Lose the “Freakin’ Poof” and Automatically Drop 15 Pounds.Author: Patrick Varone Updated: March 10, 2010Honestly, all I see if a floating head. The Rhea Perlman of our generation, Snooki Polizzi, and her boyfriend, Emilio Masella, are officially in love and probably will be until the new season of Jersey Shore starts filming. Snooki’s boyfriend told People, “We both started feeling it at the same time.” I assume he’s referring […]
Jersey Shore Cast Go “Jaywalking” on Jay Leno….Again.Author: Patrick Varone Updated: March 5, 2010I know this is 2 days old, but I can’t get enough. The D-Bag Brigade that is the cast of the Jersey Shore showed up on the Tonight Show again to try their tanned hands at a little Jaywalking. As always, my iced coffee straw could get more answers right than this crew, but, as […]
Why Did They All Turn Into Fran Drescher?Author: Patrick Varone Updated: March 3, 2010Well Harper’s Bazaar just fell into the dumpster and hit every female cast member of Jersey Shore on the way down. First of all, why is that the way “Bazaar” is spelled? Is that the correct way? I don’t get it. Eh, I’m not checking. Second, according to detective work that may have been done […]
Jersey Shore Cast on The View. I Feel Like Whoopi is Even Mad at Me for Watching.Author: Patrick Varone Updated: February 24, 2010It’s the dream just won’t end. The cast of The Jersey Shore stopped by The View yesterday to chat with the ladies who all seemed like they were pissed off just because they all had to show up to work. However, Barbara wasn’t there for the interview, which is probably great for us because the […]
The Jersey Shore Cast Hits Up the “Oregon Trail”Author: Patrick Varone Updated: February 22, 2010That’s right folks, it’s time to take another trip down the Oregon Trail and this time we’re enjoying our journey with the cast of Jersey Shore. I miss them, you miss them, and this is the only way I’m able to get through the downtime in between season 1 and season 2. So grab your […]
Grandpa Situation Got the Haircut That the Nuns Would Never Let Us GetAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: February 17, 2010When I was in Catholic school in the 90’s, the nun would NEVER let any of us get the haircut that Grandpa Sitch is now sporting. No, I’m not talking about the gel’d spikes, I’m talking about the two (and sometimes three) shaved lines on the side of his head. Yeah, we all wanted to […]
Welcome to Miami, Bienvenguido a Miami!Author: Patrick Varone Updated: February 10, 2010Help Me Work For “The Soup!” Join the Facebook Group Here! Read Past Jersey Shore Recaps! What do you do when your fist pump suffers from frostbite? Well, you pack up your tubs of gel, stash your Nads and tweezers in your duffel bag, and ship two cases of AquaNet to Miami because, according to […]
Ellen DeGeneres Sends the Jersey Shore Cast to HellAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: February 9, 2010One of Ellen’s favorite games (no, her other favorite game) “Know or Go” got a little extra grease in it’s levers when Snooki, Grandpa Situation, and Pauly D stopped by for a visit on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. To my complete surprise, Pauly D was actually pretty smart. Well, I don’t know if “smart” is […]
The Jersey Shore Cast Head to The ViewAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: February 8, 2010As the Douche-Bag Press Tour continues to criss-cross applesauce all over the United States, one of the next stops for the Jersey Shore cast is on ABCs “The View.” My little Snooki, JWoww ShamWow, Grandpa Situation, Pauly D/Ellen Travolta, Sammi SweatStains, Ronnie the Stump, and Vinny are all scheduled to appear on the Feb 23rd […]
Faux-Breaking News: DJ Pauly D and Farrah (from Teen Mom) Not Together.Author: Patrick Varone Updated: February 2, 2010See what I did there? You know, the baggage? Yeah? You with me? I made Pauly D pull Farrah’s baggage? Right? Good, right? Ok, well not the worst I’ve done. Anywax, rumors spread like the wild-fire between Lindsay Lohan’s crotchtastic legs late last week that Jersey Shore’s Pauly D and Teen Mom’s Farrah were now […]
Snooki Back on Saturday Night Live (SNL Update)Author: Patrick Varone Updated: February 1, 2010Hey America! It’s your girl….Snooki! During Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live (or “SNL” as “the kids” call it), we were visited again by the one and only Snooki from Jersey Shore. This time, however, Snooki (played by Bobby Moynihan) got it right by going from a dark tan (from the last time he played […]
Become the Best Snooki You Can Be!Author: Patrick Varone Updated: February 1, 2010Ever struggled with your faith? Well struggle no more because Jesus Claus does exist and he has come in the form of JerzifyYourself.com. A friend of a friend of mine actually created this website where you can simply upload your face, adjust your tan, and presto, you’ve turned yourself into the best Grandpa Situation or […]
Welcome to America. This is All You Need to Become Rich.Author: Patrick Varone Updated: January 29, 2010JWoww ShamWow and Grandpa Situation showed us exactly what it takes to get on a television series in the United States. JWoww, the self proclaimed Guidette, points to exactly where she had to place something in order to get cast on Jersey Shore and Grandpa Sitch wanted to make sure that Jesus was as close […]
JWOWW Naked and Coming to a Computer Near You?Author: Patrick Varone Updated: January 28, 2010Your favorite Jersey Shore skunk-head, JWOWW (which stands for Janky Weave on Whitetrash Woman) may have shown her rack and bumbum and those photos are reportedly being shopped around right now. I’d like to make an offer of three easy installments of $19.99 if she is willing to keep her yellow shirt on permanently. Haven’t […]
Jersey Shore Cast in In Touch Weekly: It’s Like They’ve Never Held a Cup BeforeAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 11, 2010Those wild and crazy kids from the Jersey Shore are in yet another magazine. This time they’re playing dress-up and headed out to the Ritz-Carlton in NYC for an InTouch Weekly spread. Haha, spread. It was “opposites day” on the set so everyone got “dressed up” in their Sunday best. This means that the guys […]
JWOWW, Jenni Farley: Graphic Designer by Day, Guidette by NightAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: January 5, 2010As if I couldn’t find a way to be even more confused by Jersey Shore, I’ve apparently hit tilt on the “What-in-the-Christ-O-Meter.” After performing seconds of research I discovered a little gem of a website called a little something like www.jwoww.com. I will now only refer to this site at “the Bible.” In the Bible […]
Uh, Where Did Their Tans Go?Author: Patrick Varone Updated: January 4, 2010Hmmm, with their tans not in full effect I’ve noticed that the cast of Jersey Shore seem less interesting. Don’t get me wrong, next to Vinny and JWoww ShamWow’s black clothes, Snooki just looks like floating eyes and teeth, but I’m already starting to feel a little ho-hum over them. And you totally know Angelina […]
Jersey Shore, a Picture Game…If You Will.Author: Patrick Varone Updated: December 28, 2009It’s that time in between Christmas and New Years when you don’t really know if anyone is working or not and if you are in work you’re not really doing anything, so why not play a little game IBBB likes to call, “Jersey Shore Hair…or Just an Animal?” If you thought my photoshopping was bad […]
Jersey Shore Cast Jaywalking on Leno = Early Christmas Gift from Jesus ClausAuthor: Patrick Varone Updated: December 17, 2009 Is it normal that when Snooki, Grandpa Situation, and Pauly D from Jersey Shore were on Leno last night playing the Jaywalking game not only did I get a bunch of emails, but I also got text messages, including my dad telling me to immediately put on Leno to see this. Well, I think […]
Jersey Shore Cast: So Ed Hardy Must Be Sponsoring This Show, No?Author: Patrick Varone Updated: November 24, 2009 Read IBBB’s Jersey Shore Recaps on the Show Here! Is it December 3rd yet? Is it December 3rd yet? Now? How ’bout now? December 3rd? Ugh. MTV’s Jersey Shore, as you know will be starting up very shortly. The west coast gets characters perfect for “The Hills.” Here on the east coast, we […]