The Best (and Most Ridiculous) Harriet Carter Products of All Time!

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  Figures this Harriet Carter Wednesday falls on St. Patrick’s Day and, of course, my name is Patrick.  I’ll try to write in slow sentences, whatever the hell that means, as I assume Harriet is doing keg stands in her office with her bra off followed by a slurred rendition of “We […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  Let’s celebrate!  Let’s text and drive!  Harriet Carter, the patron saint of white trash, typically provides me with smutastic products, but sometimes she shows me a little something that I don’t quite understand.  Let’s cut the small talk and get to the products.  Let’s go! Product # 1 – Do you […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  We’re officially three months into the new year and I’m already sick of 2010.  However, Harriet Carter and her rotten box…of products always seem to bring a smile to my lifeless-dead-behind-the-eyes face.  I picture her in a board meeting trying to choose what to sell next.  This week, Squirrel Feeders.  Next […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  Harriet’s testicles are, clearly, tired of being frostbitten so it’s time to take a look into what crap we can buy for the upcoming Spring season.  Let’s go! Product # 1 – Finally!  A product on the market that will protect my “ornamentals” from animal raids.  Like this one time a […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  Did you ever wonder where I’d be if there was no Harriet Carter?  No joke, when Harriet finally kicks I hope they televise the funeral like they did with Ted Kennedy and years from now people will say, “You always remember exactly where you were when you heard that Harriet Carter […]

Well happy Harriet Carter Wednesday to you and yours.  We are just days away from the holiest day of the year, Valentine’s Day, so it only makes sense that this year Failure Model Chick will be my Valentine.  Last year it was Harriet, but after dealing with her crust I’m ready to move on to […]

And on the 7th day, God rested.  Then on the 8th day, God created Harriet Carter.  From that, white-trash was born and all the angels and saints rejoiced and began purchasing products they did not need like sweatshirts that said things like, “Today Ain’t a Good Day For Me.  Tomorrow Doesn’t Look Good Either.”  Amen.  […]

Harriet Carter’s a brick, house.  She’s mighty, mighty.  She’s letting it all hang out.  Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down, shake it down, down.  Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down, shake it down, down. Brick……house.  Now that I got that out of my system, Happy HCW.  This week Harriet […]

Well hello and Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday of the new millennium!  We are in a new millennium, yes?   Sometimes, no?  Anyway, if my New Year hangover has finally wore off I will be of sound mind to know that this is the new Harriet Carter Wednesday of the New Year.  And if the Bible is […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! Can you believe 2009 is over?  I can because there are 365 days in the year and we’re basically at day 363. Did you not figure that out?  Well it’s been quite the year for Harriet Carter products so I decided to post some of the worst products that IBBB has […]

Here comes Carter Claus, here comes Carter Claus, right down Money Wasted Lane!  Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday.  Only 8 more sleeps until all you garbage bag trash barrels will wake up and unwrap your gifts from Carter Claus.  What a treat.  This week Harriet is giving your elderly grandmother the worst makeover ever, allows your […]

Well Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday to you and yours or to you and your hand, whatever your current situation is.  It amazes me that that I’ve been recapping Harriet Carter products for a little over 3-years.  Oh, and by “amazes me” I really mean “makes me want to reach out for someone to kick the […]

This Thanksgiving I am most thankful for all the joy that Harriet Carter brings to my life and I’m also thankful for no pending lawsuits.  Let’s take a look at some helpful products, etc that I have been most thankful for.  Let’s go! Product # 1 – Ho ho ho, stupid! You better hurry up […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday.  I really love when Harriet smuts it up just before the main holiday season.  It makes me feel all warm down by my ding-dong.  Anyway, this week Harriet is signaling sex in the bedroom (or bathroom floor), reminds your kids that Santa and his team of reindeer are always watching you…always, and brings back […]

Another Wednesday, another Harriet Carter crapshoot.  I’m pretty excited about one of the products this week because I have absolutely no idea what it is.  And similar to the fun of trying to figure out if Wendy Williams is a man or a woman, the guessing is the best part.  This week Harriet tells us […]

Happy Spooktacular Harriet Carter Wednesday!  See what I just did there?  It’s the week of Halloween and I used the word “spooktacular.”  It really made the sentence festive and I think people will be able to relate to it.  I’m a wicked pissah writer like that and junk.  Anyway, this week Harriet shows us innovative […]

So it’s Harriet Carter Wednesday.  What are you gonna do about it?  You wanna fight me?  Let’s go then.  I’ll meet you out front of the Carter Factory after school, you jerk.  No idea.  Anyway,  this week Harriet helps you find new and inventive ways to sell your snot-nosed children, tricks your kids with the […]

Oh. Well hello.  Strange seeing you here.  Welcome to the 14,538 Harriet Carter Wednesday in the year of our Lord.  I have no idea what that means, but sometimes I think that if God didn’t rest on the 7th Day we could have actually had an 8th day of the week, which could have been […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday Thursday!  With The Hills now on Tuesday nights, the Harriet Carter time slot has been temporarily moved to Thursday.  Perhaps I’ll switch it to Monday.  At the end of the day it’s really not any of your business.  Nosy.  Anyway, this week Harriet keeps your stuff safe for about 10 seconds, […]

Well, well, well.  So here we are again.  Funny seeing you here.  How could I not start this site up on any other day than Harriet Carter Wednesday.  I’m sure the Harriet Carter sales have been down by at least 75% since I stopped blogging.   Well, like the herpes allegedly on Harriet’s vaginastein, I’m back […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday.  We are almost half way through the year and you know what that means….let’s take a look back at what Harriet has been selling. Product # 1 – Uh-oh! Is your porcelain chipping? Who gives an F. The real issue is why in the hell is your refrigerator in the bathroom? […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  Do you think if there were ever an E! True Hollywood Story on Harriet Carter I would be able to take part in it?  I hope so.  I will register that prayer to Santa Christ and Jesus Claus and see if he can make that happen.  Anyjunk, this week Harriet has […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  Every now and then Harriet comes out with some real crash-bang-zinger products that make me want to never visit middle America because I imagine houses being filled with this crap.  That probably explains why everyone hangs out at either a gas station or Super Walmart.  But I digest.  Anywaste, this week […]