The Best (and Most Ridiculous) Harriet Carter Products of All Time!

Last week we had Diddle Fingers and this week, thanks to the fashonista who failed at becoming a Maxxinista at Harriet Carter, we are happy to introduce you to Slut Fingers:  Holiday Edition.  Ho ho ho.  Literally.  Christmas is just under 8-months away so now is the perfect time to start figuring out just how […]

Finally!  A clothing line for your small town pedophile.  This is totally an untapped market and one that, clearly, we should be focusing on.  Gone are the days of the ice cream man in that rusty truck trying to snatch (giggity) up your kids.  Ice cream blow pops are so 1986 and, let’s face it, […]

Tired of trying to keep your kids and their slimy little fingers away from the electrical outlets?  Getting a little bored with watching them clumsily crawl aimlessly around the house?  Looking to add a little excitement to your day?  Well if you answered “I’m an idiot!” to any of these questions, boy does Harriet have […]

If you know me you know there’s one goal I have in my life and that is, of course, to stab a puffy leather couch with a butcher knife.  That’s all.  Some people dream big, some just want to slash leather.  I’m not saying it’s normal.  Well, the scientists over at the Harriet Carter labs […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  Looks like we’re two weeks going strong!  Who knew?  I mean, I knew but that’s only because I’m the one writing this junk.  Was that not clear?  This week Harriet Carter is helping you recover from a little issue.  A little issue called, “Abuse.”  Let’s go! Playing another round of “Ike […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday on a Thursday!  When there aren’t a bunch of WT teenage mothers beating the bag out of others via “the television”  I like to change things up and go back to my roots which is, of course, making fun of white trash products.  Enter:  Harriet Carter.  For those of new to […]

Oh Jesus, child “actors.”  There’s nothing really wrong with this product in question, per se, even though fake table covers are the equivalent of puffy leather couches that are scattered around the homes of “the poors.”  It’s like if your table is all banged up just get a new one.   Don’t smother it with a […]

Oh and all of a sudden you’re the Queen of England when it’s time to wash the dishes?  Well excuse me, Your Royal Highness, whilst I genuflect as you scrub caked on carcass off your meatloaf pan.  Introducing “Garter Sleeves.”  Garter Sleeves: Because only animals allow wet cuffs.  So the next time you’re washing Fluffy […]

Door Exercises for Nana – Who’s ready to trick Nana!?  If you shot your hand up and yelled out “I am, I am!” put your hand down because I can’t hear you.  This is just a website.  Geesh.  Anyway, if times are getting a little stale around your home then why not simply hook up […]

The Magnetic Pad – Are you tired of “doing sex” with your husband?  Have you used “time of the month” excuses at least twice a week since the late ‘80s?  Did you think your cheap flammable lingerie (pictured above) would turn him off so that you could finally get a nice nights sleep free of […]

Well, well, well.  So we meet again.  If my math is correct it’s been nearly 14 decades since there was even a mention of Harriet Carter around here at the IBBB offices.  Well, times-they-are-a-changin’ because, uh, I’m posting one.  Was that not clear?  For those of you new to the site, check out the first […]

Who’s going to fix the economy and add jobs to your city?  Who cares!  Introducing “Pajama Jeans” for when you’re just about ready to call it quits in life (pre-dirt nap).  Pajama Jeans are a mix of pajamas and wait for it….wait for it…wait for it…jeans or “dungarees” for those of you still using dial-up […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday to you and yours. Some people have been emailing me and asking questions like, “But IBBB, why has Harriet Carter Wednesday sometimes moved to Thursday?” I answer in love and light by saying, “I ask the questions around here. Now cut the crap before I call the cops.” This week, Harriet […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday. Even though HCW only comes but once a week I feel like I’m trash-bag-status enough for every day to be HCW. In fact, I’m currently writing congress to make this a national holiday. I’m not quite sure what any of this means, but what I do know is that this week […]

Join Me on Facebook! Yeah it’s Harriet Carter Wednesday, what’s it to you?  I’ve received a ton of emails over the past few months wondering where Harriet has been.  I typically answered with, “None of your business.  Do I come to your house and ask your mother where her looks went?”  Obviously that is the […]

Join Me on Facebook, My Own White-Trash Catalog! Uh, Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday?  Uh, where have you been?  I’ve been here the whole time.  Ok fine, you caught me.  I’ve taken a little break from the wondrous world of “House of Carter” because of The Hills recaps.  Trust me, it was like “Sophie’s Choice” for […]

Happy Harriet Carter Day.  I say “day” because this week Harriet graces us with her “presents” on Thursday instead of Wednesday.  Hey oh!  You can blame shows like The Hills and The City for taking up a majority of my time.  Thanks Heidi.  Anyway, this week Harriet has fun with delivery and helps you save […]

It’s the happiest Harriet Carter Wednesday in all of the land!  And by “land” I, of course, mean “white trash dwellings.”  Kudos to me for using the word “dwelling” in this here crapbag blog for the first time in almost 4 years.  Harriet teaches.  Anygarb, this week Harriet sings “Noni Baby” to a sleepy little […]

Oh hi.  I didn’t see you there.  Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday.  Thank you for coming.  Take off your coat.  Perhaps, your pants?  Get comfortable, but not so comfortable that you start farting and junk.  Nobody needs that around here.  Class it up because this week Harriet has finally bedazzled a shirt for Snooki and keeps […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  Similar to “Must See TV” if it’s new to you it’s not a repeat.  Therefore I present you with a little Harriet Carter review from yesteryear.  Technically yesteryear is 10 months prior to “days of yore.”  Anyway, it’s too nice outside to be reading this so, well, don’t.  Ok fine, do.  […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  This week, Harriet lets people with ADHD multitask and is either giving us a dig or is about to kill her cat.  It’s a toss up.  Let’s go! Product # 1 – Are you a complete useless douche-bag?  Have you ever been taking your daily Shasta McNasty and thought, “I need […]

Another Harriet Carter Wednesday, another dollar I didn’t make.  You’d think the people over at HC would be tossing me a few bucks for positively highlighting their products each and every week.  I mean, sure I crap on them but it’s a kind crap.  A jovial crap, if you will.  And, let’s face it, this […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  Figures this Harriet Carter Wednesday falls on St. Patrick’s Day and, of course, my name is Patrick.  I’ll try to write in slow sentences, whatever the hell that means, as I assume Harriet is doing keg stands in her office with her bra off followed by a slurred rendition of “We […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  Let’s celebrate!  Let’s text and drive!  Harriet Carter, the patron saint of white trash, typically provides me with smutastic products, but sometimes she shows me a little something that I don’t quite understand.  Let’s cut the small talk and get to the products.  Let’s go! Product # 1 – Do you […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  We’re officially three months into the new year and I’m already sick of 2010.  However, Harriet Carter and her rotten box…of products always seem to bring a smile to my lifeless-dead-behind-the-eyes face.  I picture her in a board meeting trying to choose what to sell next.  This week, Squirrel Feeders.  Next […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  Harriet’s testicles are, clearly, tired of being frostbitten so it’s time to take a look into what crap we can buy for the upcoming Spring season.  Let’s go! Product # 1 – Finally!  A product on the market that will protect my “ornamentals” from animal raids.  Like this one time a […]

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  Did you ever wonder where I’d be if there was no Harriet Carter?  No joke, when Harriet finally kicks I hope they televise the funeral like they did with Ted Kennedy and years from now people will say, “You always remember exactly where you were when you heard that Harriet Carter […]

Well happy Harriet Carter Wednesday to you and yours.  We are just days away from the holiest day of the year, Valentine’s Day, so it only makes sense that this year Failure Model Chick will be my Valentine.  Last year it was Harriet, but after dealing with her crust I’m ready to move on to […]

And on the 7th day, God rested.  Then on the 8th day, God created Harriet Carter.  From that, white-trash was born and all the angels and saints rejoiced and began purchasing products they did not need like sweatshirts that said things like, “Today Ain’t a Good Day For Me.  Tomorrow Doesn’t Look Good Either.”  Amen.  […]

Harriet Carter’s a brick, house.  She’s mighty, mighty.  She’s letting it all hang out.  Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down, shake it down, down.  Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down, shake it down, down. Brick……house.  Now that I got that out of my system, Happy HCW.  This week Harriet […]