american idol recap

Well, well, well.  So we meet again.  Now I got more crap about 2 months ago when I asked which week Crystal Bowersox was going to get her teeth whitened.  I mean, I also said that she had a great voice and would probably win the whole thing, but die-hard fans of Bowersox were kind […]

You know it’s taken weeks, but I’ve finally figured out where I’ve seen American Idol’s Andrew Garcia before.  That’s right folks, I’m talking about Team America: World Police and I am, of course, referencing Kim Jong Il.  That’ll be all.

Join Me on Facebook and Let’s Talk Teeth. update: July 8, 2010: CRYSTAL BOWERSOX NEW TEETH UPDATE!  I repeat, Crystal Bowersox has new teeth.  Alert! Alert! Alert! Crystal Bowersox has taken to her Twitter account to snap a piggity-picture of her brand new smile, which includes some nice new store-bought teef! Clearly the likes of […]

Alright folks, Hollywood Week began on American Idol this week and even though I haven’t seen everyone, I’m making an extremely early pick for my top two on Idol.  My first pick is Haeley Vaughn.  Haeley is just 16 years old from Fort Collins, Colorado and just may be Idols first African American country singer, […]

I don’t even know why I’m recapping this episode.  I think if I type while watching it somehow erases the fact that I’m a grown man who actually still watches this show.  It could be worse, however.  I could be doing what Seacrest is doing at the start of the show which is standing on […]

The President of the United States almost rudely interrupted the American Idol Results Show last night.  So rude.  In case you missed his speech, let me sum it up for you:  The world is going to f’n explode, but if you cover your mouth when you sneeze you may not get the Swine Flu. Moving […]

It’s double elimination night on American Idol.  I wish it was a triple elimination, 2 contestants and then American can just vote me out of life.  Here’s what went down on the results show, in proper bullet point format: Remember when Ryan Seacrest used to wear camouflage army pants and a jean jacket when he […]

Ugh. Where to begin?  The show kicked off like robotic bat out of robotic hell when the Idol kids started to sing “Hot and Cold” by Katy Perry.  I hate this part of the show the most.  It’s like watching the Brady kids turn themselves into the Silver Platters and belt out a horrific tune.  […]

In, “I Forgot You Existed Until I Read This Story and Then Remembered That You Do Exist, You Aren’t Dead, and You Used to Be on a Show, But Haven’t Thought of You in Years and After Thinking About It Am a Little Surprised You Haven’t Done More With Your Career” news, Vonzell Solomon from […]

Ugh. Watching the American Idol finale was like running a marathon. Whilst watching I had people handing me little cups of water so I could dump it over my head and they also handed me orange slices to keep up my energy. I guess it’s no real surprise who won, but what was really surprising […]

So I thought I’d put on the American Idol last night that all the kids are watching and figured I’d regret it. I didn’t. I’m grateful to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, that I put it on at just the right time. Did anyone see Fantasia “perform” last night? Well, I’m pretty sure the […]

I was moments away from slipping into a coma watching the American Idol kids sing Neil Diamond songs when all of a sudden Paula came to life like Vicki the robot from Small Wonder. In case you missed it, each contestant would sing their one song without any critique from the “judges.” After each sang […]

Idol may be giving back, but they’re not giving me back my time wasted while watching this crap. So I think to myself, “IBBB, you dirt-bag, maybe you should check out “The Idol” and maybe you should recap the crap out of it.” Here’s how far I got… Sweet I love, “Please don’t stop the […]

So it’s 80’s night on American Idol so I figured I would check it out. I mean how bad could it be? I grew up in the 80’s (I was also alive during prehistoric times, but that’s another story) so let’s see how the “guys” do this week as they sing the absolute piss out […]

Isn’t American Idol quite the wholesome family show? The singing, the dancing, the audience applause. Well you sick rat bastards did you know that one of your favorite American Idol contestants, David Hernandez, used to show his dingleberry and bum for money? Yup. Rumor has it that David used to work as a stripper at […]

Ah yes, the Idol is back and is just about ready to kick off 4 people so I thought it was the perfect time to recap that absolute piss out of last nights episode. Who stays? Who goes? How many times will Simon ask Paula what Ryan said? How many peace finger signs will Randy […]

Dear American Idol Contestants, Hey there how are you? I’m sure you’re already stressed at this point so I’ll keep this short. I have a few requests, if you don’t mind. First, at the beginning of each episode when they announce you one by one and you enter the stage can you please stop doing […]

Yeah so “The Idol Machine” is back in full force this week and I’m not looking forward it all. Here’s why: It’s Hollywood week which means that people are going to be singing the worst songs, which will probably include but not be limited to: “Sugar Pie Honey Bunch,” “My Girl,” “Baby I Need Your […]

So it’s finally the American Idol finale and I already regret committing to watching this for 2-hours. Who will win? Blake? Jordin? Who cares? So here’s how the American Idol finale went down. Please note that I am dumber for watching…and I’m ok with that. Hmmm, Blake and Jordin kick off the night singing together. […]

It’s the second to last American Idol episode, so you know what that means….they are going to recap the hell out of the last season. Oh God. I don’t need to see the what happened 13 weeks ago, or however long it was. Anyway, here’s how the crapisode went down: Hmmm, does Paula have a […]

Seriously, what is American Idol even about anymore? I get that the first night is about the singing. It’s also about Paula Abdul jumbling her words and clapping, but I digress. The second night is a complete train-wreck. The results take about 11 seconds, the remaining hour is a mix between Sabado Gigante on the […]

I guess when Idol gives back that means that all the contestants wear white clothes. Hey Idol, it’s not 1945 when white is “good.” All that was missing was the pointy hat. I guess they are mini KKK members in training. Anyway let’s get on with what went down or as I like to call […]

After American Idol has raped the American public of gazillions of dollars and time lost in our lives, they have decided to give back. Whatever it takes I guess. I’d assume the children of Africa are psyched to see someone else famous besides Sally Struthers. I know I’d be happy for the change of pace. […]

(Please sing the next 3 sentences to the tune of “How Much is that Doggy in the Window”) How much is that pedophile in the window, the one with the stringy perm. How much is that diddler in the window. I do hope that diddler is registered. Seriously? What the hell is up with Sanjaya’s […]

Oh crap, it’s country music night on American Idol. The bad news is that the first person who sings something by Reba McIntyre will force me to change the station. The good news is that you know, you KNOW Sanjaya is coming out in a cowgirl costume. Martina McBride is the America Idol inspiration for […]

Trends in Hollywood come in waves, or “trends” if you will. First people get married, later they become alcoholics, next they enter rehab, sometimes they become raging racists, and somewhere in between they “accidentally” have a homemade sex tape released. This is the case with Olivia Mojica from American Idol: Season Two. You may be […]

74 seasons ago on American Idol there was Diana Degarmo, a pudgy little finalist the loved to wear pink hats. That was her thing. Diana came in second place (lost to Fantasia) and like many of the other contestants (Kelly Clarkson, Kimberly Locke, etc) vowed not to lose any weight because “they loved the way […]

Ok, so I admit I haven’t been keeping up with all of the American Idol “hoopla” Yeah, I said it. Hoopla. However I couldn’t miss what Sanjaya would do. Gwen Stefani was the musical influence this week. Fast forward (thank you Tivo) to Sanjaya. Now if there was a camera on me when I saw […]

As my buddy Andrew perfectly said, “I love it when Paula takes klonopin.” You know what? I do too. American Idol has the craziest cast of characters in the top 12. To sum up, most of the singers crapped the bed. Moving on here are some highlights for me: Simon tells Ryan to come out […]

In the “I Can’t Believe I’m About to Report on This” News, ex American Idol contestant Mario Vasquez is being accused that he tried to “pleasure himself” in front of a male employee in the bathroom on the set of American Idol in February of 2005. What a jerk (pun intended)! The lawsuit, which allegedly […]