Who Won America’s Next Top Model?

In a surprise twist, Tyra actually won this seasons of America’s Next Top Model. Anyway, resident America’s Next Top Model recapper, Jenny, is back one last time with her thoughts on the final episode of ANTM. We’re all appreciative of Jenny’s work this season and by paying her 13 cents an hour we wanted to make sure she made at least double than the kids in Tajikistan who are putting together toys for Happy Meals. Anyway…on to Jenny’s recap:
It’s season finale time and we get to see which nutcase is going to be America’s Next Top Model.
  • The final three – Natasha, Jaslene and Renee must ad-lib a cover girl commercial for lip gloss. This is painful to watch, and I am pretty sure that Jay is wearing lipstick.
  • After they film their commercial, Tyra greets the girls and manages to work “holla!” into the conversation.
  • Renee gets the axe at this point because the judges feel she looks too “old.” I think to myself that Nay Nay might have a pretty good age discrimination suit on her hands. Don’t the judges know you can’t just blurt that out? You just tell them they aren’t a good “environmental fit.”
  • It’s now down to Natasha and Jaslene, God help us.
  • It is the last episode and I still don’t understand what “Miss Jay” is. Is he a runway coach? A judge? A man? A woman?
  • It’s runway time and the girls have to creep along the runway like wild animals. While I am trying to figure out who the hell came up with this nonsense, Natasha’s skirt falls off and she simply kicks it aside. She must have mistaken the runway for “the stage.”
  • Jaslene tells the viewers that she is not the girl next door. She is the girl down the block in your hood. I don’t understand what any of that means. What is she trying to tell us? Does she pack a piece?
  • America’s Next Top Model is……………JASLENE! Fabulous. I couldn’t care less. I officially get my Wednesday nights back. Off to the bingo lounge! See ya next cycle.
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