America’s Next Top Model: “Modeling is Acting Like a Ho and Making it Fashion” – Tyra Banks

Miss Jay comes marching onto the football field and delivers the news that the girls will be trained in “walking”…So I am a little confused when the girls change into Burger King-like uniforms, while Miss Jay twirls around in a catholic school skirt. I guess that has a lot to do with learning how to walk?

After the training is complete, it’s final exam time. It’s a prom theme with three categories: Modern, 80’s and Ghetto Fabulous. If you are like me, you are wondering what Ghetto Fabulous could be? Evidently, it means wearing hoochie gear, and parading down the runway with your ta-ta’s literally hanging out, much to the horror of the school children and their parents. Good one. I think one chick actually did a “Z-Snap” when she got to the end of the runway. Z-Snaps rule.

Britney/Nana (is it me, or does she look like someone’s nana?) wins the competition. What could the prize possibly be for such a fierce competition? If you guessed a 10 foot high trophy with a gold high-heel shoe on top, you’re a winner…just like nana!

Jaslene is horrified that she did the worst in the walking competition. She calls her mother crying and tells her that she isn’t the best “walker.” Is that even a thing? If it is, then I am the best “hopper.”

The Russian Chick reads “Tyra Mail” aloud, which is loaded with 7th grade references like B.F.F. and K.I.T. Nobody understands a word she is saying. What’s going on in your head Natasha? N.M.H.

The photo shoot theme is “High School Clichés“, and one girl cries because she is not good at being the “class clown.” See picture above. Well, cheer up….maybe you can aspire to being the best “walker.”

It’s 8:30 and there is no sign of Tyra in this episode. I’m getting worried.

BUT- It’s 8:45 and here she is! It was SO worth the wait. She comes up with some real gems! In the final 15 minutes, Tyra manages to make the brilliant statement “Modeling is acting like a ho and making it fashion.” She then grabs her own boobs, does a really bad imitation of a Russian accent, and when commenting on Felicia’s photo, says “I don’t really see ME in the picture.” You really don’t have any shame, do you Tyra?

Blah, blah, blah, Samantha gets the boot. I am nervous for a minute, because it is between Samantha and Russian Chick. I am so happy Russian Chick is around for another week. I like her. Stoli’s for everyone!