Ahhh Tori Spelling. As each day passes I end up loving her crazy ass even more. Tori is still busy selling the piss out of her book like a gypsy in the airport. She’ll talk to anyone who will listen. That part of the joke was clear, right? Anyway, Tori is kinda like a sellout whore and she’s ok with that. People always put such negative connotations around the words “sellout” and “whore.” I think they’re positive descriptors. Here’s what I’ve been learning about Tori:
- She banged her current husband the first time she met him and while they were both still married. Awesome. What’s even better is that she is completely fine with telling people about her whore-filled past. Admirable.
- The first time she met her husbands wife (that he left for Tori) she packed a knife with her just in case the wife went all 6’s and 7’s on Tori’s ass. Again, admirable. I always carry a sharp instrument with me when I meet people for the first time. I mean, it’s a Spork but that can be deadly because it can cut and scoop. Cut and scoop.
- Tori also talks about her whorebag mom was out banging some random dude when her dad was on his deathbed. What’s even better is that Tori could careless that her mom (who has all the rest of the fathers money and could leave it to Tori) knows that Tori is telling the world this.
- Tori charged upwards of $200,000 on her credit card because her parents never her taught her how to manage money. Uh, I think my credit card limit is $200.00. Lucky.
Money problems, whorism, being a Skankersaurus Rex…and she’s fine with it all. Bravo. Remarkable. Good luck out there “youth of America.” Best wishes!