The Hills Recap: Lauren is Drunk Again-Hot

• First, this new picture of Heidi really reminds me of Donna Martin. I don’t know if I’m ready to rename Heidi though. I mean, Steve Sanders and Donna Martin? Too strange.
• Why does Audrina smile no matter what she says? She could be telling Lauren that her parents were killed and she would do it with a huge smile and tight top lip.
• What the hell is a “Elodie” and what adult says “OMG” when they are talking to someone. It’s bad enough to type it, let alone say it. Also, didn’t Elodie have a bleach-blond bowl-cut last season? Just checking.
• Why does Heidi need to explain the details of the engagement to her “co-worker?” Why can’t she just hand the script? Or she could just be like, “hey remember when we were shooting the engagement scene last week and all you guys were standing around take after take cuz we kept on messing up our lines? Yeah, well that was how the engagement went down.” Just sayin….
• Aww how cute, the girls go shopping together. Oh wait, that’s not the girls, that’s Brody and Steve Sanders. Brody hands Steve Sanders some shorts as they chat it up like chatty Kathy’s and giggle. I bet $20 they went to the mall for some fro’ yo after that. Kill yourself.
• Lauren goes on a double date (minus her date) with Audrina and her new boyfriend Justin/Bobby.
• Sweet, after about 2 minutes Lauren is trashed again. She’s so hot when she’s drunk. She’s slurring her words, brilliant.
• Ok, so now they’re all asking each other if they like each other….in front of each other. Seriously, who does that? Just put on a smile and talk crap about them when they leave like everyone else. Amateurs.
• By the way, Audrina in a helmet…priceless. I guarantee she borrowed it from Whitney. I am, however, concerned that Whitney is now walking around freely without a helmet on. That’s danger.
• Where the hell do Lauren and Audrina live? How come no one is ever at the pool except just them?
• Seriously, between the “Hollywood” sign spray-painted in their living room and the arcade games in the background, it’s like Heidi is living in a crack house. I mean, in due time Heidi will be living in a crack house so I guess she should get used to it.
• How many songs do you think they playing during “The Hills?” Someone keep track for me.
• So what does Lo do? I know she’s the sidekick of Lauren now, but I’d like to learn more about Lo. Ok well not really, but I have a soft spot in my heart for sidekicks….kind of like Ernie and Bert.
• So people always tell me I pay attention to the stupidest details during The Hills. When Audrina and Justin/Bobby are at the bar is Amy Winehouse the bartender in the background? Check it out when MTV replays this episode 253 times this week and then 453 times this weekend.
• Justin/Bobby is officially retarded. And I quote, “truth and time tells all.” Yeah, that is on every coffee mug that was sold in the 1980’s. Brilliant, yet not so.
• Oh snap. Heidi is painting over the “Hollywood” mural. Seriously, Steve Sanders walks in and I think I see his eyes fill up. Also, does Steve Sanders have Fred Savage hair? Just wondering. Anyway, hopefully Heidi gets the beating of her life when the cameras stop rolling. Oh! Add that to the script!

This episode blew. Episode 2 and still no Lisa Loveless. Fine, I’ll be back next week.