The Hills Makes My Head Hurt


Sure the Golden Globes were on at the same time of the new season of “The Hills,” but how many hours can you really watch that award show for? 6, 7 hours? I decided to go from “rotting my brain” with the Golden Globes to “melting my brain” with the Season 2 premiere of “The Hills.” What has LC been up to? Did the dark-haired chick get an acting gig? And, more importantly, how many times has Heidi fallen out of her chair since we last saw her many months ago?
In perhaps what I would consider the best scripted moment of the episode, Lauren dumped out Jason’s “stuff” on the sidewalk in front of his apartment….just in time for the cameras to capture it. Jason said a few words, but they were lost on me as I can never fully understand what Jason is talking about. Perhaps coke does tricks with your speech pattern.
Speaking of “things getting dumped,” Lisa Loveless (my new favorite), Lauren’s boss at Teen Vogue, basically took a literal crap on Lauren since she didn’t go to Paris and chose to stay with Jason in Malibu over the summer. To quote Lisa Loveless, “you’ll always be known as the girl who didn’t go to Paris.” Really? I actually know a girl who chose not to go to London once when I was in college and we thought that she would always be known as the girl who didn’t go to London, but like 6-months passed and she got really drunk at party and ran into a closed door and broke her nose. Yeah, that girl was then known as “the girl who ran into the door and broke her nose.” So, clearly the evidence is there that Lisa Loveless doesn’t have a foot to stand on.
Moving on, Heidi has a new boyfriend (although I don’t think she is aware of it) who I think is the same kid that played Steve Sanders on 90210. I’ll have to check the credits. In another scripted twist, it appears that Heidi’s boyfriend, “Steve Sanders” is also dating Audriana. Luckily there aren’t any cameras that will capture this moving forward. Smart move, jackass.
In the third scripted moment of the show, Nicole Richie’s ex (Brody “Chucks” Jenner) was randomly at the same place, Area, that Lauren was at and cupid is in the air! Oh, and by “cupid” I actually mean “the producers.” This potential love connection almost didn’t take place as Lauren’s friend, Jenn, can’t tell time and almost pointed out the wrong guy to Lauren. After finally figuring out where “6:00” is and “11:00” is Jenn finally did point out Brody Jenner to Lauren.
Annnd, cue the scene where Heidi may be pregnant. She’s feeling nauseous and dizzy…and not just because she’s dumb, but perhaps because she is “with child.” I’m already putting a call into DSS. Heidi purchases her pregnancy test with the determination of a whore in church who is trying not to sweat. And, end scene. We’ll have to wait until next week to see if Heidi is “with child.”
For me, “The Hills Question of the Week” is: “Um, how the hell long can you do an internship for? I always thought it was for a semester.”
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