MTV The Hills: Heidi Pregnant?

Man the last week flew by and every day was plagued by me trying to figure out if Heidi was indeed pregnant or was I just the pawn in a clever cliffhanger letdown. Did crafty editing trick me again? Here’s what went down on “The Hills” da-da-dunnnnn.

Doh! I was completely tricked by a clever cliffhanger letdown. In the first, I think, 14 seconds Heidi says it was a false alarm. I was extremely relieved, but only because any potential offspring of Heidi scares the ever-living-hell out of me.

However, I wasn’t the only one who was tricked. Heidi, that little minx, tried to pull a fast one over on her boyfriend (who I’m still calling Steve Sanders) by telling him that she thought she was pregnant EVEN THOUGH she knew she wasn’t. Steve Sanders tried to play it all cool and even said that he was on “team Heidi” so no matter what she wanted to do, he supported. Uh yeah, the look this dude gave her when she said that completely made me think that as while she was talking he was already plotting ways to trip her down a flight of stairs. Seriously, if a girl ever tried to give me the “pregnancy trick plot” I would be less than pleased. Although, if she was also humming “to the left, to the left, everything you own in a box to the left” it would probably ease the situation for me.

Meanwhile, does Lisa Loveless think that Lauren is retarded? When she asks Lauren to do something she talks real slow at Lauren and nods her head a lot too. I think she thinks Lauren has no clue what’s going on. She totally did this when she told Lauren about the fashion show in LA that she had to attend. The other chick Lauren works with (blanked on her name) couldn’t go because she had school and Lisa Loveless said that school was very important…and then she shot Lauren a look that basically said, “Hey f*ck-face Conrad hit the books, stupid.” Even the chick that ran the fashion show asked Lauren 3 times if she knew how to answer a phone. Wait a minute, maybe Lauren is retarded? By the way, the chick that ran the fashion show was legit nuts.

Ok, I have a question. So Brody Jenner is calling to ask out Lauren. Why the hell is there already a camera in his car as he calls to ask out Lauren? This officially makes this scene my 4th favorite scripted moment of the season.

I’d like to raise my glass for a toast: To the creepiest first date conversation! Cheers! Brody and Lauren talked about their creepy smiles and big noses. Then they went home. No joke.

For me, “The Hills Question of the Week” is: “Do you think Brody thinks Lauren is a fat-ass after dating Nicole Richie?