Heidi Cried Into Her Fake Boobs

Us Weekly continues their world tour of blowing Heidi Montard and run a story about how Heidi felt in regards to the feedback on her wonderfully horrific “music video.” When Heidi released a music video of her running with seagulls and looking like she washed up on shore people, for some reason, didn’t really love it. When Heidi received the backlash from her “performance” she said, “I just started sobbing uncontrollably. I cried myself to sleep that first night after my video came out. I couldn’t understand why people I didn’t even know felt the need to be so cruel and hurtful towards me. I’m just a 21-year old from a small town in Colorado trying to follow her dreams.”

Ok let’s dissect. First off, I too have been crying uncontrollably after seeing the video. The crying turned into laughter and then complete fear and horror. I have dreams of Heidi chasing me and a flock of seagulls at the beach. When she whispers, “Am I dreaming?” I wake up in a cold sweat and screaming, but no sound come out. I’m pretty sure this is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is the same disease the soldiers have when they come home from war. Thanks Heidi.

Second, she’s just a “21-year old from a small town…” Yeah, that only works for Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx who always says she’s “just a girl from the Bronx.” The only dreams I need Heidi to follow are the dreams that somehow incorporate her (a) having sex with her horse who lives in Crested Butte and/or (b) taking a permanent dirt nap.

In closing, Heidi and Spencer told Us Weekly that they shot the whole video in about 20 minutes and it only took 1 or 2 takes and didn’t cost a dime. Really? I don’t believe that at all. I think they shot the whole thing in 4 minutes 55 seconds. Am I dreaming?
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