Big Tipper Brody Jenner Breaks Bathroom Stall Promise

First off, I need to say that the title of this blog post is probably the most brilliant that has ever been written. Sadly, I did not make that title up, my buddy Mike did, but it’s still brilliant. So here’s the deal. Two of my great friends, Michele and Mike from Boston, came to visit me in the Big Orange for the weekend. We head out to STK (pictured above) for dinner and a drink or 15. I am positioned in the best seat available, which is directly in front by the window in which I can see every person enter the restaurant. Big mistake putting me there. We’re about 4 vodkas into dinner when all of an f’n sudden Brody Jenner and his posse come strolling into the restaurant. Shut the F up. I quickly said a prayer to my little baby Jesus that a camera crew and Lauren Conrad would be following him, but sadly they weren’t. No joke, I was like this is my chance to get on The Hills. I’ll have to wait on that.

So we finish dinner, which was excellent, and head over to the bar area for more drinks, which I like to call “confidence juice.” We chat up the waitress who informed us that someone was kicked out due to taking pictures of Brody. My buddy Mike then spots Brody heading to the bathroom so, like a good stalker-in-training, he decides to take a trip to the shitter too. Whilst in the bathroom Mike talks up Brody and, of course, asks him if he’s ever read IBBB. Brody, of course, said no (hurtful), so Mike asked Brody to swing on by our table to say hello on his way out as we are big fans of The Hills, etc. Brody was like “definitely” and before they both peaced out of the bathroom, Brody tossed $10.00 into the bathroom attendants tip basket (to which Mike told the bathroom attendant that was from him too….brilliant).

So me, Mike, and Michele are all drunk and Brody (who apparently changed his shirt while he was there) was heading out and walks by our table and we’re all like 10 year old school girls like “Hey Brody!” We are complete tools. Yeah, not so much because he blows past us going about 45 mph. We totally got the brush off, luckily the alcohol numbed the pain and suddenly we had a fun story to tell.

We legit had a conversation about what Us Weekly would put on their cover if they experienced this ridiculous run in with Brody Jenner to which Mike immediately said, “Big Tipper Brody Jenner Breaks Bathroom Stall Promise.” And you know what, he did break his bathroom stall promise.

So, note to self – all you reality star fauxlebrities out there – if you ever run into me it won’t just be a simple hello. We’ll be watching you and if I can’t get to you, I’ll send my friends in after you.

As a side note, my friends Mike and Michele asked me to do a reading at their wedding next year. So, I’m pretty sure IBBB will be the main wedding sponsor. A reading from the book of The Hills to the Corinthians….
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