The City Recap: Whitney and Jay Break Up, Olivia Blows the Meeting (and not in the good way), I Die a Little More Inside

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  • It’s date night for Ozzy Bobby and Adam.  The Ernie and Bert of our generation is at the movies snacking on popcorn and chit-chattin’ about Ozzy Bobby and his band going on “tour” and not telling Whitney yet.  They’re about two sentences away from braiding each others hair and putting fake makeup on their My Little Pony dolls.
  • Whitney and Olivia need to present to 25 people at Diane Von Fartandburp about purses.  Tough times.  The good news is that Olivia dyed her hair blond and doesn’t have that jacked up braid going around her head.  I love when Olivia laughs at her own jokes.  She kinda opens her mouth and does the Stevie Wonder.  Signed, Sealed, Delivered, Up Yours, Olivia.
  • Ozzy Bobby and the Bobette’s are practicing for their big “tour.”  Terrible.  If I wanted to listen to a bunch of horrible songs with Australian accents I toss in a DVD of Bindi Irwin (that f’n little bitch) and listen to her rap about stupid animals who are bound for extinction.  I wish I was extinct. 
  • Seriously, are these scenes like 2 seconds long?  Thank Christ! 
  • Ozzy Bobby is cleanly shaven and meets up with Whitney for dinner.  This must be a special occasion because he did, in fact, shave and he blew out his hair like Shadow Stevens on Hollywood Squares (I’ll take Joan Rivers for the circle).
  • Ozzy Bobby tells Whitney that he’s going on tour (I wish he was going to war) and then throws himself under the bus by letting the scripted cat out of the scripted bag and tells her he’s known about this since they went to Miami.  Whitney blows a gasket.  I’ve learned when she does this she makes her words that end with “t’s” sound like words that end with “k’s” waaaaay more often.  As Whitney is walking out on Ozzy Bobby she tells him to find another place to stay tonight and even tosses in a “maybe you can call Danielle.”  Maybe I should call the Psychic Friends Network to see if they know if I’m going to jump out of my window in boredom.
  • Even though Whitney’s life is falling to scripted piece she must still faux-work and put together a fake presentation for her part-time job.  Olivia is taking pictures of purses and not paying attention to Whitney and then she…wait for it….wait for it….cuts off Whitney in the middle of her talking.  Seriously, the same crap happens every episode.  They should make this show into a “Choose Your Own Adventure.”  During the “work scene” I would choose the option of “watching grass grow.”
  • Later, the girls (in which I still don’t know most of their names…after 3,430 episodes) are out for drinks so Whitney can blow of some steam.  Even Sleepy Time Allie made it out.  Is is just me or does the lighting that they use make everyone else look good, except for Sleepy Time?  She looks like f’n Wednesday Adams.
  • It’s meeting time at Diane Von Fartandburp!  When introduced, Olivia waves to everyone like she’s on a float at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.  Whitney, surprisingly, presents her crap very well.  I’m sure it was edited brilliantly.
  • Yikes! Olivia blows this meeting like a whore during at sales convention in Vegas.  Not only does she stutter a shit-ton, but she also uses the word “um” about 75 times.  Perhaps my favorite, though, is when she creates her own word: multipletude. She also tosses in some key phrases like: “it has globally has relevance,” and  “you can do longevity towards it,” and “people can look towards that.”  All genius.
  • In the end Ozzy Bobby and Whitney break up.  Ozzy B thinks Whitney needs to be stronger…oh and the season is ending next week so it makes for a good story….a good story for people who care about their relationship.
  • Ozzy Bobby leaves her apartment and Whitney is left to cry, but not before Ozzy B cries himself.  Hahaha!  Ba da ba ba ba, I’m lovin’ it! Maybe he can use the “panties that girls will be throwing on stage” when he’s performing to dry his tears.  Peace out, douche.  Bring Adam with you.

One more episode left of the season!  Thanks Jesus Claus!

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