There are a lot of things going on in the city, just not in the show “The City.” Even my favorite part of the entire episode, the opening credits, has been cut down to about 5 seconds. Thanks for taking the best part away from me. Here’s what went down on The City or La Ciudad as I like to mistakenly call it….
- Erin Jo Buttafucco is talking about 100 mph to Joe about what a train-wreck Olivia was for the Today Show segment last week. Thanks for recapping for us. Erin Jo is playing the role of the no nonsense business woman and complaining about how “not nice” Olivia is. In actuality Erin Jo should be thanking Olivia because without her Erin Jo would not have a speaking role in The City.
- It’s Roxy’s first day of work at Pubic Revolution, which I can only assume is a working sweat shop. Seriously the place looks like it should be condemned by the Board of Health. Roxy calls everyone robots, which I think it a nice gesture on her first day. It also would have been a nice gesture for her to brush her hair for work.
- Kelly CUNTrone stops on by so say hi to Roxy. Blah blah blah, but we learn a few important things about Kelly. (1) She wipes her mouth after she talks (2) She wears thick black eye glasses that Jan Brady wore and (3) She drives a Ford. Hot.
- Kelly gives Roxy her first important job which consists of driving in NYC to the fashion shoot. Whilst driving Roxy does such things as honk the horn, slam on the breaks, and cover her eyes. Oh that Roxy, she’s a real pot stirrer.
- Up on the roof, Kelly is directing the photo shoot with this model who I’m pretty sure is actually a corpse tied up with stings. She’s almost pinata-like. Well, picture a pinata that hasn’t eaten since the time it was 4 years old.
- Kelly is giving the pinata model some much needed modeling tips. Literally Kelly tells her to go “Bam, bam, bam, BAM!” On the last “bam” she puts her arms up like Mary Katherine Gallagher yelling “Superstar!”
- Roxy tosses in her two cents at the photoshoot and tells the bulimic pinata to take her top off as an edgy way to “model the jeans.” Kelly is pissed, yet happy with the results. When Kelly smiles I imagine spiders crawling out from her teeth. I heart Kelly.
- Meanwhile on the other show that I’m watching, Olivia is instructed to go to SOHO and pick up some more accessories for yet another morning show. Apparently this is what we’ll see every week….picking out accessories for a morning show. Inventive.
- Olivia needs to go and buy some fake accessories on the streets. This should be good. I feel like she’s going to show up in a complete Hazmat suit.
- What in the holy hell? Whilst down in SOHO, Olivia finds some dude in a costume on the street that will sell her some fake bags off of a one-page catalog. She keeps looking around like she’s about to get shot, stabbed, raped, arrested, and tickled all at the same time. The guy who’s selling this stuff also sings while he sells, which is great customer service, I think.
- I secretly wish Olivia got arrested and this turned into an episode of cops.
- Oh, I almost forgot. This show blows.
- Back at the sweatshop, Roxy tries to justify that Kelly will be pleased with her for taking the initiative to tell the pinata model to take off her top. Oh that Roxy.
- Olivia comes back with about 1400 bags and, well, that’s about it. She basically forgot the accessories. I love how she snaps back at everyone no matter who they are. It’s probably because her entire outfit costs more than most of these people make in a month and/or a year. As a sidenote, Erin Jo looks like she wants to hit Olivia with a stun-gun.
- In the end, Kelly comes into the office to regroup with Whitney Claus and Roxy. She does let Roxy know that she must respect her authority and that while on set she is mama wolf. I kinda feel like that even when she’s not on set she’s mama wolf. Like, in line for coffee she’s mama wolf and then at, like, the grocery store she’s mama wolf. At the toll booth? Mama wolf. Taking a delicate dump? Mama wolf. Kicking newborn puppies? Mama wolf.
- Whitney looks like she’s going to cry and Roxy looks like she’s on an acid trip. All in all this is exactly how I feel when I’m watching this show.