Cow bell cow bell cow bell. How come The City is turning into a reality show version of The Office, minus the interesting characters, funny lines, and good writing? Last season we were bored to meth tears with the psycho relationship between Sleepy Time Allie and her boyfriend and Whitney and Ozzy Bobby. This season we spend the majority of the 30 minutes of horror watching Whitney do business things like “working” and “going to meetings.” I mean, if I wanted to watch people work for 30 minutes I’d get a job.
- I also don’t know how long I can take the whole “Olvia is pointless to life” whilst at work with Erin Jo Buttafucco and Joe Zee. How come Olivia and Whitney have yet do be in the same scene together? I know they aren’t “working” together, but can we at least pretend that this is not two separate shows?
- Olivia has a big job for The Today Show (for the 14th time this season) of finding accessories that match up with all the letters of the alphabet. Oh, and I have no idea why and/or what that means. All I know is that everytime I see Olivia “working” I also think it’s strange how she has more money than her boss, her boss’ boss, and possibly Jesus. Well, to be honest I’m usually thinking of that or the fact that I believe Olivia has a mix of Social Anxiety Disorder, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Social Anorexia Disorder, Seasonal Lollipop Head Syndrome, and Rickets.
- You know what I love about Kelly Cutrone? Everything. You know what I hate about Kelly Cutrone? Nothing. Legit. Everyone else on show always has their hair and makeup done before a “scene” that their going to be in. Not Kelly. Nope. She legit goes Donkey Boxing, changes the oil in her car, wrestles the bread out of a homeless child’s hand, pops a mint into her mouth and is like, “action!” I love it.
- Whitney heads into Kelly’s office to show her her “sketches.” Keep in mind this is right after Roxy gave Whitney her stamp of approval telling Whitney how impressed she was with them. That must mean a lot to Whitney since Roxy is qualified for nothing.
- Kelly is impressed with Whitney’s sketches. I am too. I mean, I’m pretty sure they consist of stick-figures waving, but still, they’re good….I guess. I think one of the stick figures was walking a dog, standing in front of a house with flowers drawn that were the same size as the stick figure….who just happened to be wearing a triangle for a dress. That’s good, right?
- Kelly, similar to the witch in Snow White, tells Whitney to not show her “sketches” to anyone else and that she is in Whitney’s corner and will be her loyal bitch. Good old Kel. True friend til the end.
- Meanwhile on the “Olivia and Erin Jo Show” we enter week 3 of Olivia picking out accessories. Kill me and fail, all at the same time. Olivia will go to 15 different places throughout the remainder of this episode, to which she will smile at the store owners and say the word “price point” 1,436 times. Looks like someone made it into Chapter 2 of their Retail Sales for Dummies book!
- Whitney and Roxy meet up with Samantha (who is apparently on the show for reasons that are not known to me) for lunch. Whitney tells Samantha she is “daring” for wearing blue eye makeup. Clearly in Whitney’s mind, Samantha is the Harriet Tubman of our generation.
- Sidenote/Interesting Fact: Everyone probably knows this already, but did you know that in real life Roxy’s mother is in the show Brothers and Sisters and used to be in Thirty Something? True. Also, Roxy and her family are friends with Bonnie Hunt. Random, yet true and you’re welcome. Also, Roxy is the same Roxy that is friends with Stephanie Pratt and was with her in The Hills episode when Stephanie Pratt yelled at LC (and her mustache) at “da club” about Spencer being her brother and how she didn’t like LC, etc, etc script, etc. The More You Know (cue the shooting star).
- At lunch, Roxy wants Whitney to show her “sketches” to Samantha’s boss. Samantha tries to say “no thank” about 15 times, but Roxy keeps pressuring her like a rapist fresh out of the slammer. I mean, Samantha did keep saying, “no, yeah, maybe, I don’t know, yeah” so I guess Roxy the Rapist thought it was ok.
- Fast Forward (literally): Whitney has her big meeting with Samantha’s boss. She shows her the “sketches” which now look like they’re made out of construction paper, Popsicle sticks, and glitter. Also, Whitney is dressed like a 1993 Fly Girl. Anyway, the boss lady craps all over Whitney’s stuff because it’s not ready yet….and consists of stick figures. Poor Whitney, she should have just stayed with Kelly Cutrone. Also, Whitney doesn’t know enough to stand up and shake hands when the boss lady leaves the meeting. Rude. What was she thinkinK?
- Did I mention I love Kelly? Kelly calls Whitney in for a meeting and confronts her about doing to Bergdoff Goodman to show her “sketches.” I have no idea how to spell that and refuse to look it up. Anyway, Kelly basically tells Whitney that she’s an idiot for listening to Roxy since she’s some random chick from LA who just landed here (apparently on the Mayflower) 2 weeks ago and doesn’t know anything. She also tells Whitney that no one in their right mind would go there with a pencil sketch and she probably already ruined her reputation. And you know that Kelly said all this in one-take. No one had to yell “cut.” Kel is good like that.
- Perhaps my favorite part is at the end of the meeting when Kelly starts fanning herself with a book, while she tells Whitney that Roxy doesn’t have her best interest in mind and that she makes some “crazy ass decisions.” Poor Kel. I bet she’s having a hot flash right on camera. I won’t hold it against her. Or, maybe the lights that they set up for that scene are just getting to hot. In actuality I think we all know that Kelly probably just farts during the scenes and refuses to apologize for it.
- In the end, back on Olivia’s show, Olivia needs to show Joe Zee Medina and Erin Jo what she found for her random A to Z accessories. Erin Jo makes more faces than Jim Carey with every sentence that Olivia says. Hmmm, this makes me almost like Olivia more and Erin Jo less. I mean, either way these thoughts make me a complete loser, but still.
- Joe Zee praises Olivia and tells Erin Jo that Olivia is a star. The scene ends with Olivia walking down the hall and trying not to look at the camera, but she doesn’t really know where to look, so she just kinda looks up and then down, and then up and then down, and so forth and so on.
So what actually happened on this episode? I’m confused.