The City is back on MTV and this time around it’s taking a different approach than it did last season. What change, you ask? Well, first off it followed the formula of another show you may have heard me mention before. It’s called “The Hills.” Specifically, season 2 of The Hills. By this I mean, they got rid of the 2 dudes and hired a chick named Roxy to stir up some trouble just like Heidi Montag did. I look forward to the day when Roxy gets her rack done and possible her chin too. One can dream. Also, no one is named Roxy.
- The episode kicks off with the best thing to happen to television. Kelly CUNTrone. I’ve taken a lot of his for this nickname, but I legit think Kelly should be our next President or our next Lord. Whichever comes first. Roxy (the brunette version of Stephanie Pratt) is at the NYC division of Pubic Revolution to interview with Kelly, which consists of talking smack about Whitney wearinK yellow, Roxy wearing black, and when Roxy’s birthday is. During this “interview” Kelly looks like she’s ready to off-herself.
- As a sidenote, they better not cut the intro like they did in this episode. I love the cowbell and I love watching Olivia look like she’s going to axe me across the forehead in the opening. Bring that back please, STAT.
- Speaking of my little Olivia, it appears she is being promoted to “Accessories” at Elle Magazine. I actually have no idea what that means, but it makes Olivia smile a lot.
- Olivia’s new boss is Erin. When Erin walks up the hallway they play music with drums pounding at a rapid pace. I’ve learned a lot from Saturday morning cartoons, so this music indicates to me that Erin is going to be playing the role of “sass-master.” Also, how old is Erin? She kinda looks like she broke out of the trailer park to land this job, so good for her. Although, I do already enjoy her because she literally talks out of the side of her mouth like Mary Jo Buttafucco. So, basically, bonus points for that.
- Roxy’s eyebrows make her look surprised at all times. Since she moved to NYC without a job or apartment, she’ll be staying with Whitney for a little while, which I assume will mean she’ll be there for the entire season and will trash Whitney’s pad with an out of control meth-fueled fiesta. Ole!
- Erin Jo Buttafucco gives Olivia her first assignment for a segment they’re doing on the Today Show. You know it’s the 4th hour of the Today Show because Olivia is involved. Anyleegifford, Olivia must find a bathing suit and office attire that totals $125.00. Olivia looks like she’s going to puke when she hears this dollar amount. Although she could look like she’s going to puke because she probably ate 3 mints, had a diet Snapple, and smoked 10 cigarettes for breakfast. Just a ritual I’m sure. Say what you want about Olivia, but she’s hot and dresses like she’s going to a bar…for work. And, at the end of the day, that’s what’s the most important. Also, Erin looks like she wants to take a shot of Purell once Olivia leaves her cubical.
- A Moment of Reality: Whitney’s new apartment actually looks like an actual NYC apartment. It looks like the camera crew can barely fit in there. I’m impressed. Roxy and Whitney decide to have a small party at the apartment which I’m sure will turn into a disaster.
- Oh snap! Olivia and the mute-like intern are back to show Erin Jo Buttafucco what they found for $125.00. Erin Jo isn’t impressed and Olivia tells her the next time she can do it herself and storms out of the office. On the way out of the office the door comes back and almost knocks her over, which, lets face it, rules the scene. And life. Alex the intern looks like she was about to mess her drawers. Bonus.
- Is it just me or is Whitney getting hotter? Also, is she 10 feet tall? Awesome.
- Kelly CUNTrone gives Whitney some motherly advice telling her that she hopes Whitney’s friends treat her as nice as she treats them. Awww. It’s not as good as the “blue-bird on your shoulder” reference from last season, but still nice. Words of Wisdom, by Kelly Cutrone. Me gusta Kelly.
- It’s party time at Whitney and Roxy’s House of Horror! I thought Roxy didn’t know anyone, yet she’s texting 3,000 people to show up last minute to the fiesta. Eh,who cares. I stopped caring the second I spotted Sleepy Time Allie at the party! Allie, who got demoted from last season, had one line this time around. “Do you know any of these people?” I’m sure after that line she went into the bedroom and took a nap.
- Whitney shows up late and sees 3,000 people in her apartment. Poor Whitney. And by “poor” I mean “rich.”
- Whitney tells Roxy she got the job at Pubic Revolution just seconds before the cops come and break up the party. I would have loved to see Whitney get dragged out kicking and screaming Attica! Attica! Attica!
- Hey I was right! Olivia and crew did scrore the 4th hour of the Today Show (minus Kathy Lee). Why is Olivia always hunched over? Anykotbe, the head chick in charge (who is wearing a Failure Model Chick leopard caftan) is giving Olivia the side-eye after the segment for matching colors….or something….I don’t know…I couldn’t follow it. I was hypnotized by the leopard print.
I actually like this better than The Hills. I mean, they’re both hated, but The City was hated less.