Have you ever read the book “The Secret?” Don’t judge, I live my life by it, but I’ve figured out the secret of “The Secret.” You can’t wish for anything actually important in life. Not at all. I’ve been “putting out into the universe” that I will be working for The Soup one day very soon. Yeah, that was 4 years ago. Has it happened? No. Therefore, I’ve shifted my “secret” focus on absolute crap that doesn’t matter and you know what? Sh*t is coming true!
Take Amber, from Teen Mom, for instance. Apparently she’s had a picture of Roseanne Barr tattooed onto her muffin top. Oh fine, it also looks like a cartoon version of Susan Boyle. Well, if I’m being honest it looks more like if Susan Boyle and Francis from PeeWee’s Big Adventure had a cartoon baby, but Roseanne Barr was the surrogate. That’s what that looks like. Anyway, I basically put it out there in the universe and you wanna know what the universe said back to me? “Your wish is my command, stupid!”
I don’t know what’s worse (/best) the fact that the tattoo has a combover (score!), the fact that the flowers are the size of her face, and/or the fact that “Leah” is permanently wearing a plaid collared shirt….forever…for life. Ugh, imagine what that face is going to look like when Amber gets off the drugs (allegedly…not based on any fact whatsoever) and packs the pounds back on?
And how low does that tattoo go? Why do I have a feeling that come the winter months “Leah” is going to be sprouting a stubbly little beard? Ok I’m all done. Oh wait, one more thing. Apparently according to OK! Magazine Amber actually doesn’t have custody of Leah again like some other crackhouse magazines are claiming. I guess it’s good old Gar (Gar Bear) that has full custody and Ambzo only has visitation rights at this point. I said it before and I’ll say it again, someone 5150 this chick and call it a day. Oh, and “sexy-dance” more. Clearly, it’s hot.
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