Teen Mom OG Recap: Before Farrah Gets Fired, She Gets Sophia’s Set Teacher Fired

Farrah – The way Farrah looks for real estate is pretty much the same way she does everything else.  Oddly.  She wants to look at a home in LA she’s interested in, but didn’t make it to the open house so she just showed up to the house, with a camera crew, rang the bell and walked inside.  Sadly, cameras weren’t allowed but seconds after Farrah got back into the car she got a text from her real estate agent yelling at her about showing up at the house.  Apparently the people that were home said they didn’t know what to do when Farrah just walked in and then they stated she got “touchy feely” once she was inside.  Like, do you think that means on them or on herself?  Like backdoor stuff, or no?  Either way, Farrah decided she doesn’t want the house at all because….wait for it…wait for it….get your backdoor ready….wait for it…it had a stacked washer/dryer and she wanted one that was side by side.  So seems like proper decision making is certainly taking place.

Sometimes I forget this is actually a TV show and just assume we’re watching, like, closed circuit security camera footage.  Alas, there’s a problem with Baby Goop’s ‘set teacher’ and Farrah.  Go figure.  Apparently the set teacher, whom I picture to be like Anne Sullivan (Helen Keller’s miracle worker teacher), gave Sophia a piece of candy and, well, all bets are off in Farrah’s mind.  The producers have to get involved and they’re claiming the teacher didn’t give Goop any candy.  Regardless, Farrah wants her fired and replaced in the same day.  Since time machines aren’t quite where they need to be yet, this is impossible.  The producers are chatting with Farrah in her car about the current situation and she just keeps saying that “the b*tch is fired” and no one works harder than her.  She also claims the set teacher is “imaginary” and only reads a book to Sophia.  The only real voice of reason in the car is Amy (Michael’s woman) because she keeps saying it’s a legal matter in CA.  This is some Judge Judy level shiz.  The scene ends with Farrah, once again, telling the producer Kristen that she’s ignorant and, perhaps, she shouldn’t be working with her anymore.  She then slams the car door shut, but kindly asks them to move out of the way so she doesn’t “bash their face in.”  Sweet as pie that Farrah.

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Later Farrah is back in Austin and is no longer working with that poor producer, Kristen.  The head producer is doing a little sneak-attack and is surprising Farrah for a sit-down on why she’s treating producers like crap and why she ‘might’ be doing live sex cam shows, you know, for sport.  Evidently (and I mean that literally because MTV is now just showing tweets and the like) Farrah was even promoting her sexy-naughty-no-no-cam-show on social media and MTV is all hellll no.  They say, basically, if she’s going to sell her cooch for coin, they’re not going to be able to document her wholesome image on Ye Old Teenage Mother.

They all storm the house, very dramatically, and then we get a giant “To Be Continued” while music from what I can only assume is Survivor is playing.  Even though we all know how this ends, I’m nervous.

Amber – Did anyone else cringe with excitement when Leah had to work with Gary on her family tree homework assignment?!  There was no doubt in my mind that at the tippity top of her tree would be a picture of Colonel Sanders.  Perhaps the 7 secret herbs and spices would be sprinkled at the base of the tree for, you know, growth and such.

Leah finally got to hang out with Amber for the day so that was cool.  Amber decided to take her to what every 9 year old girl wants to do when they see their mother once a month…get a massage.

Later, Gary meets up with Jody, the man who might be his dad, and Gar Bear asked him if he’d be open to taking a DNA to see if he’s his father.  Oh, did I mention that Jody was in jail when Gar Bear was born?  Just like your own dad!  Personally, Jody thinks that Gary is 100% his son.  I’m sure he’s hoping that’s the truth so he can get some of that Teen Mom money!  I’d do the same.  They end up going to some strip-mall where you can get your mouth swabbed and in a few weeks someone will basically call them and tell them to get a life/fill them in on who’s their daddy.  What a beautiful world we live in!

I have to admit I really love that Gary’s storyline recently is ripped from the headlines of a classic Maury Povich episode.  As we know, he’s trying to figure out if Jody is his actual father.  Apparently his mother was dippin’ and doin’ back in the day and must have really lost track of things.  Maybe she thought it was tough to match a face with the dink, ya know?  Either way, Gar Bear is waiting on his paternity results.  I’m just as anxious has he is.  If they’re not revealed via a large stage in which people throw themselves on the ground as an audience screams and jumps out of their chairs, well, I’ll be let down…to say the least.

Catelynn – This episode was a real tough one for Cate.  Apparently she did, in fact, have a miscarriage.  It really was so sad. I give them a lot of credit for being able to film how they were coping afterwards.  Also, there are no jokes to be had, obviously, so I’m skipping over this one this week.  Cate ended up having to check herself into rehab because she was contemplating suicide.  Bravo for her to have the courage to try and get some help.  If you’ve ever known anyone who’s been impacted by suicide it’s really a horrific ordeal for everyone involved.  The more people can talk about it, the better.  I, for one, am glad that Cate sought out to get the help she needs.  Also, kudos to Kerthy.  She did all the right things.  What a good egg that Kerthy is.

Maci – Talked about woman stuff.

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