Teen Mom OG: Cate and Ty Want to Buy Back iCarly

Is it just me or was anyone else hoping this would be the Christmas episode of Teen Mom OG?  Sometimes I dream that Butch would be dressed as Santa, April would be Mrs. Claus and Brandon and Theresa are, of course, The Grinch (you know, since they basically stole Carly from Cate and Ty).  Anyway, none of that happened.  But here’s what did happen….

Farrah – Farrah is still an absolute mess and trying to figure out if she wants Debra back in her life.  She’s fresh off her “international trip” and breezes right by Michael and goes for immediate baby-talk to Sophia.  She decides she’s going to ask Baby Goop if she wants to invite “Grandma” to Italy with them.  Baby Goop literally says “no.”  She thinks Debra “acts bad” and doesn’t want to go on a pasta tour across Italy with her.  I don’t blame her.  I think it’s a real missed opportunity to not have Debra there because, I mean, think of the hat selection alone.  You can basically dress like any fly girl you want whenever you want.  Who wouldn’t want to bring that?!

Meanwhile, you know who’s a wiley little minx?  Michael’s girlfriend Amy.  Ding Ding Ding! for finally remembering her name.  She and Farrah go with Baby Goop to get pedicures (how many scenes do we need to suffer through with Farrah getting her feet done?!).  Amy is ready to start hitting the sauce and buttering up to Farrah so she can get the golden ticket to her money train.  She informs Farrah that she has to cut the pedicure short because she needs to get back to do naughty-no-no with Michael whilst Farrah and Sophia are out of the house.  Vomit all around.

Here’s what I do like about Amy, however.  She at least wants to pretend that Farrah should keep trying to mend fences with Debra.  Like, I actually think Amy isn’t a dirt bag.  I think she likes the sauce, but that’s just my opinion.  Anyway, Farrah must feel the same way because she wants to help plan a surprise engagement for Michael and Amy.  I was starting to drift to sleep, as that’s what a watching a human Glow Worm does to me, but is Farrah planning on having Debra come to Italy and Michael and Amy and not tell Debra they’re there?  Half of me thinks this is a dumb idea and the other half of me thinks this is the best “gotcha plot twist” since that episode of The Brady Brunch when Peter had two dates in the house at the same time and had to keep running into different rooms wearing a Halloween costume half the time and plain clothes the other half.  Anyone?  Oh, and  how infuriating was that Facetime call with Debra where everyone, legit, just spoke in baby-voice to each other?!  For real, why can’t anyone every say once sentence in a normal speaking voice?! Just once?!!??!

Amber – How have we lived this many seasons of Teen Mom OG and never were introduced to Amber’s cousin?  She is a real treat and talked about “running the streets.”  I’m pretty basic so I’m not sure if that means she’s into exercise or, like, selling meth.  One may never know.  What we do know is that Amber is still in bed, off her meds, and hasn’t really seen Leah in a long time.  According to Gary and Kristina, she had only seen Leah two times all summer (and now it’s back to school for Leah so summer-be-gone).  Even though Amber is trapped in her bed, she has found the time to chit-chat with Matt, still tells him she loves him, believes that he’s going to go to therapy, and is planning on flying out to Vegas to visit him to see if there are still any feelings there.  I mean, all that makes sense.  I say skip the meds because apparently the brain is functioning juuuussst fine.

Amber did make it out of bed long enough to get her nails done with her cousin who has some form of lower neck tattoo.  It was almost like a permanent necklace.  Kids, am I right?  She was then invited to see Leah off to her first day of third grade.  Speaking of which, I love how Gar-Bear was flipping up pancakes for breakfast for the first day of school. Healthy.  I’m pretty sure I had a bowl of cereal every day for 12 years.  Anyway, Leah is ready for school with a giant bow in her hair and pancakes in her mouth.  Good for everyone involved.

I did squeal with delight when Amber was driving to meet up with Gary, Kristina and Leah for school and was saying that the sun was blinding her and Kristina said she was used to the moon.  Burn.  White Trash Burn!  We only got to see Amber getting out of the car in the school parking lot but, um, that was it, and then all of Amber’s scenes were finished.  Are we done until the New Year?  Zzzzzz

Cate – We are all aboard the “When Can We Finally Have a Visit With Carly” Express. Next stop, Tearsville.  The good news is that Dawn is back and is trying to shake some sense into Cate and Ty.  Cate is crying up a storm because she doesn’t understand why Theresa is punishing them and not letting iCarly see them in over two years.  Uh, it’s called adoption?  Also, and just go with me on this, who else thinks that if Brandon and Theresa were like “For $100,000 you can buy her back” they totally would.  They’d sell Butch into drug slavery just to raise enough money.

At first the only days that Theresa would allow them to view iCarly was when Cate, Ty and family were all on a family vacation and couldn’t change the dates.  Seems suspect.  So they spend about 20 minutes of air-time talking smack about Brandon and Theresa until finally Theresa just texts them some new dates that will work.  Since I know that MTV basically just keeps this show on the air just for me it only makes sense that they throw out the date of August 19th for a visit, which is MY BIRTHDAY!  I was so thrilled.  I was a little upset, however, that they didn’t invite me to go too.  Kind of rude.

Anyway, they fly out to North Carolina and rent some house to stay at as they wait for alert from Theresa that they’ll be walking iCarly though town on their shoulders so the public can snap pictures and Cate can hide in the bushes with a net to try and capture her and bring her back to Michigan. It was a real tease because we never get to see the reunion take place.  Apparently we have to wait until next week.  I swear if they blur out her face I’m going to be so mad that I might pretend not to watch.  I, of course, will.

Maci – I need Mackenzie to relax her facial muscles.

Happy holidays y’all!

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