When all else fails on this show, make Butch (allegedly) contractually obligated to make amends to his kids on camera. The only catch? The rehab facility won’t let them film the amends. Um, I mean, how am I supposed to know if I have a drug problem unless I see someone else’s amends, live, on national television?! I was waiting for Butch to say something like, “And I’m sorry I hit that horse” and then I’d be all, “Oh, I’ve never hit a horse before so I obviously don’t have a problem. Bottoms up!” That’s how you know, right?
What I do know for sure (as does Oprah) is that Tyler and his sister seem to be totally over trucking all the way to Randomsville USA to have Butch say “Whoopsie!” all while playing with his rat tail. Truth be told, I feel bad for all of them involved. I especially felt bad when Tyler, his sister, and Cait all have to recap the amends over drinks that night and they were both like, “Wow that amends was really short.” How long are the supposed to be? And are those art projects that you make via hollowed out shoe boxes involved? Because if so, I’m in! It sounded like Butch didn’t remember a heck of a lot what he did back in “da day” and I don’t blame him one bit. The 90’s were so stupid after all, so who wants to remember them anyway? I jest. The 90’s ruled. If you ever wanted to see silly whites trying to rap in public, well, that was the decade to witness it all. And just to be clear I’m talking the 1990’s. Not the 1890’s. Although I assume the same rap issues occurred back then too, you know, via the victrola and some such.
By the end (mind you, each Teenage Mother only gets about 6 minutes of total air time these days), the rehab instructor (is that his title?) brings out Butch to see his kids and they all sit around picnic table in the middle of a parking lot to discuss the amends. If I were Butch I would have just ran. Screw the electric fences! Butch got a little case of the sads when he was bringing up Tyler’s suicide attempt and how he totally forgot about that. Awkward. I mean, the whole thing was awkward. Tyler looked like he didn’t want to be there and the sister was doing weird winks with that cheek noise (you know the one) when she would say, “We got you.” Can someone please just start a rap battle so I can move on with my life?
Speaking of moving on with their lives, Amber and Dom DeLuise are still in LA and Gar Bear and the Gang head out to visit them. They all decide to have a pool party and kudos to Gary who ripped his shirt off and jumped into the pool. I mean, gotta love the self confidence with that. I put a t-shirt on when I’m at the beach and I see some random next to me try and take a selfie and I can see tiny bit of myself in the corner. But that’s just me. Anyway…
– The Pizza Fridays T-Shirt –
– The T-Shirt Your Kids Love (and So Do you) –
Kristina was being really nice and offering to watch the baby so Amber and Dom could have a night off. She then said the next day all the girls can have a “girls day” and go and get “mani/pedis.” Sounds terrible. Do people really do that in groups? I say if you girls really wanna have fun heckle a chain-gang picking up garbage on the highway. I mean, you never know. You could meet someone!
Well, plans changed a bit and the next day Amber decided to take Leah parasailing instead. Did anyone else feel bad for Kristina? She legit looked bummed her plans canceled and she looked like she got tricked into watching the baby. Clap if you felt bad.
In other news, Sarah Palin was back! Honestly, I know no one cares except me but I feel like it’s such a treat when we get to see her. It’s like I feel like I’m suddenly political and doing things like voting ‘yes’ on #9 or voting ‘no’ on 3. Or just writing my name on the ballot in hopes that maybe I’ll win. Either way, that. Bristol is still talking nice and low and without much emotion. Seldom smiling. And never laughter. I mean, if you’re going to divorce on national television I’m going to need at least a few jokes or, you know, get some kind of addiction problem. I don’t care if it’s coffee. Just perk up. Puns are a real treat from heaven.
After Sarah Palin cried a bit on camera (everyone stamp your bingo card), we all got to meet Bristol’s first baby daddy Levi. Remember him? What simpler times. You know all these people have money, however, because they drop their kids off for the “baby daddy child swap” at a fro-yo place and not in a gas station parking lot on the side of a highway. I’m looking at you, Leah/Corey.
Oh, I forgot to mention at the beginning that someone ‘texted’ Maci an article saying that Ryan was arrested again and I’m sure that ‘someone’ wasn’t one of the producers. I do applaud, however, that they showed his mug shot which was a real treat for the soul. Ryan’s parents are allegedly claiming that Ryan was arrested because he didn’t do his community service and not because he’s using again. They claim he’s clean. I mean, from the looks of the mug shot I don’t think they mean literally. And where is MacKenzie during all of this? Do they lock her in the bedroom? MTV fired them, right? It’s like when Jen and Larry get top billing over you, you know you gotta step up your game. And did anyone feel bad for Bint-Lee when Larry says he asked about where his dad was and then started crying? Poor kid. There’s no way he’s getting out without some scars from this mess. What a shame.
In other news, I’d rather recap Chelsea’s dad’s dentist business from Teen Mom 2 than any more scenes with Cheyenne who sounds like she’s whining in every. single. scene. she’s. in. Oh also, would anyone care if I started a podcast? I was kicking around the idea of some recap-style podcasts. I figure, you know, I’m only 10 years behind on the trend so I might fix up my Myspace page first and then start a podcast second. Could be fun. Clap if you think I should.