Farrah (from Teen Mom…not that you needed the reminder) just released a “music video” for her new single “Blowin'” I mean. I’d place quotes around this entire blog if I could. Also don’t think the irony between the fact that this is her “single” and, well, Farrah is typically sans-partner is lost on me. Here are 9 times I turned red whilst viewing this piece of modern day art…set to music. Sort of.
1. When Farrah drags Baby Goo through what I can only assume is a cemetery to visit Derek.
2. When Farrah’s Twitter avatar comes to life and awkwardly dances (bonus points: how her Twitter page is more life-like than the humanized Farrah).
3. When Farrah achieves the trash-bag-hat-trick which is: (1) Selfie, (2) Selfie with Duck Lips and (3) Selfie with Duck Lips and Peace Fingers.
4. Every time Farrah pronounces “celebrity” as “celebuuuurty.” I blame the lips.
5. When Farrah’s Facebook cover brings brings back her old nose and Glow-Worm-like face. #NeverForget
6. Everything about how this guy dances. Everything.
7. When Farrah’s Twitter timeline comes to life and I pray for just a second (aka 10 minutes) that one of my Tweets appears.
8. Those 4 seconds when we all get to visualize what Farrah will look like behind bars (because it’s going to happen).
9. When Farrah perfected the “Heidi Montag Touch My Hair Whilst Lip-syncing and Dancing” dance-move throughout the entire “video.”
Note: Somewhere in a rusted out dumpster, Michael is giving himself hand-pleasure.
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