Keep smiling, keep shining…knowing you can always count on my (oh for sure), ’cause that’s what friends are for. I can’t believe it’s the end of another season of Teen Mom 2. It seems like this season just started 19 months ago and now look at us! We’re saying goodbye. But before we go let’s not pretend that Leah’s friend Chasity is not a thing. Have I never been paying close enough attention that I’m just curious about her now?!
Before we get into Chasity (giggity), let’s all welcome Leah home from NOT REHAB! After completing 30 days it’s good to see that Leah is fresh as a morning dew, on a brand new day. She’s cured, y’all! However, don’t get your hopes up that a “clear mind” means that a brush will be taken to her hair. Nope. That thing is still in drug induced coma, never to be woken up again. Jeremy brings his daughter, Ari Va Dengi (I believe that’s how you pronounce it), to the airport to see momma get off the plane. I love a West Virginian airport. It’s basically like a hut in the middle of a concrete slab with the charm of a White Castle bathroom. Just watching her walk through that dump made me reach for the Purell. It also wanted to make me take a dump, but that’s another story for another time. Perhaps this coming winter. We’ll see.
Leah seems genuinely happy to see her kids, especially when Corey drops them off in the middle of a highway parking lot. I like that she seems happy. I also like that she kinda has that look on her face that says, “I’m on a TV show? Since when?!?!” Anyway, per usual Leah has moved into a new house, y’all! It’s either made of all gingerbread or the kind of wood that starts to come apart when a light breeze passes through. At least she’s in a new place. But here’s the best part….Chasity. Has a more beautiful name ever been granted? I mean, this chick has no clue what the hell is happening. And I love it. She’s talking to Leah about her stay at NOT REHAB and out of allll the questions she could ever ask her she just goes, “So did you, like, have to go to bed at a certain time?” I’m not joking. I legit sat up and said, “Wait. What??” Where has this glorious woman been all of our lives? She has Barb potential, for different reasons, but there’s something there and I want to know more. She kinda just is also looking off to the side, asking odd questions and typically rocking a half-side ponytail. What’s not to love?
Later, Leah and Corey need to meet up to talk about “the babies” but Leah doesn’t want Corey’s wife to come to their dumpster location meeting. His wife thinks it seems suspect, but now that Leah is officially on her 11th divorce, and possibly in heat, perhaps she wants to try to trick Corey into sexy time? I say go for it! Let’s make t-shirts that say something catchy like #Beaver4Beaver. Maybe I’ll write a poem. Sky is the limit. Anyway, Leah brings our new national treasure, Chasity, for the ride to meet up with Corey and Chasity is all looking out the window and trying to give Leah a pep talk about standing up for herself. I mean, she’s saying it in extremely short and unfinished sentences but, still, she’s trying. I feel like I want to see Chasity licking an ice cream cone at all times whilst swinging her legs off a porch bench (side ponytail in full effect) and a giant smile on her face. So, MTV, please make all of this happen. Spinoff! Either way, Corey brings his wife and her white hair to the restaurant to meet with Leah and Leah isn’t having that so she backs up her car and leaves. And, well, that’s it. Ok.
Meanwhile, back in Crazy Town USA, Jenelle is once again filmed leaving the local police station after she had to turn herself in for beating the bag out of someone or something. Apparently Nathan, the Baby Huey of our generation, pressed charges against Jenelle for playing a simple little game of “My Fists are Weapons.” I’m sure the cops believed his story when he showed up with his t-shirt sleeves ripped off. It’s basically like Exhibit A. At this point Jenelle and her pending charges don’t even phase her. It’s like passing homeless people on your walk to work begging for money. The first time it’s sad. The second time it’s awkward. The third time it’s aggravating. But then after that it’s basically an eye-roll and you barely even notice it anymore. Just me? I’m kidding. Of course I give them money. And by money I mean “food.” And by “food” I mean “thoughts of helping the next time.” I jest. I do help. Let’s just change the subject.
At first when Nathan has to bring Kaiser over to Jenelle’s house she doesn’t even want to talk to him. She actually says, “Bring him over, put him down and then walk out the front door and close it.” Uh, thanks for the tips on how to enter and exit? Is it just me or does every time Jenelle look at Kaiser it looks like she’s looking at him like, “Ugh I should have stayed on my birth control?” Interestingly enough, for Jenelle birth control is a pill. For Leah, it’s simply a full moon y’all!
Later, Jenelle has a change of heart and allows Nathan to come back over because he wants to talk to her about getting back together and retiring their weekly practice of “Eat the Cake, Anna Mae.” Jenelle tries to stay calm, but really wants to know why Nathan pressed charges against her. He claims he didn’t and said he just wanted a short little old restraining order against her because she was acting crazy. And I guess he did this at midnight, with his temp-girlfriend…but not Kaiser who was home with a babysitter. All that was odd. I feel like he just had him chained to the radiator with a little bowl of sugar water to keep him alert and alive. Their conversation, however, is short lived and Nathan decides to leave…as does all the men in Jenelle’s life. Also, where the hell did all her dogs go? Let’s just assume Barb took them to the Walmart deli and let’s just leave it at that.
Good news for Jenelle! She didn’t have to go to court and her charges her dropped. Also dropped? Nathan. For now. She’s decided to move on and calls Barb to share the news. Barb is thrilled. I’m less than thrilled that this is just over the phone. Honestly, I feel like MTV dropped the ball with filming with Barb this season. It wasn’t even until the end that we get to see Barb in all her glory. Her hair is freshly dyed and spiked and she has the color eyeshadow on that is really only found on women who live on various islands across the globe. It was nice to see the lifeless exchange between Jenelle and Barb when Jenelle admitted that if it weren’t for Barb, Jace would be in foster care. I’m sorry is that the downside? Run Jace! Run!!
Another reason why Teen Mom 2 really needs to break the 4th wall….Kail. I can’t anymore. I actually couldn’t care less about her storyline. It’s such a yawn. She’s still fighting with Jo over him missing Issac’s “Moving On” ceremony. Can we all just move on? Please?? Kail is confronting Jo about missing dumb events and says she’s going to let the courts decide what their child support should be. Jo always looks like a deer in headlights when she brings this up. Here’s the thing…did you know he doesn’t work? I mean, he’s on Teen Mom 2 so there’s “some” money there, but he doesn’t have an actual job.
Jo’s telling Kail that he can’t afford more child support but then he’s like, “Yeah I guess I could go get some 9 to 5 job at a retail place but….” Um, no one said he had to go work at Express for Men, but maybe learn a trade? Plumb perhaps? Just start plumbing and fork over some of that money. All kidding aside, how did Jo buy that house and not have a job? Also, what does he do all day? And where the hell has Janet been. It’s so rude she’s not on the show anymore. I just want to see her dancing, singing “Shoop” and maybe just doing a little pop-and-lock from time to time. It’s hurtful to me that she’s gone. Oh and in the end, Javi and Kail move into their new house. So many new houses on Teen Mom.
Chelsea is in a healthy relationship.
ICYMI: The 21 Best Quotes from Barb of All Time (click her beautiful image below)
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