Teen Mom 2 Recap: West Virginian Bacon Face Slaps

I missed last weeks Teen Mom. Is everyone still absolute garbage or did something change? #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Mmmm an aquarium wedding! I love smelling penguin sh*t whilst reading vows #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Kail should have put her braces on her vagola to prevent pregnancy. I hear that works 11% of the time. #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

100% effective birth control? Janet staring at your privates. #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Suzi can't make the wedding as she is currently orbiting the moon. #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

I love when the kids tell their mommy's to stop crying. It's like we can pinpoint the exact moment when they get f'd up #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Jace should call Jenelle "lady" just like Maya Angelou called her mom that. What? I know stuff. #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Jenelle should take Jace for a tattoo. Aaaand if a little heroin falls into his veins so be it. #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

I wouldn't drink coffee at "Black Sheep Coffee" like Chelsea…because I don't see color. #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

It's like everyone in South Dakota officially gave up on their hair at the same time. Moreover WHERE THE F is either Dakota?#TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Time spent in a coffee shop = 50%. Time spent in court = 40%. 10% blackout drunk. Teen Mom Math Works! #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Corey is the Bob Ross of our generation. Paint a pretty little camo hat right there…#TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

"I gunna finish 'bathin' her before she gets them cold." Language, according to Leah #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Jeremy can't find another job in W. VA. There is technically only 1 job available for the entire state. Baby-daddy. #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Calm down Leah. You're so young! You still have time for at least 12 more weddings. #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Janet should walk Kail down the aisle. And by "walk" I mean "booty pop whilst shooting cap-guns in the air." #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Issac is high maintenance, just like Nana #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

"See that frosting? It's FONDUE!" ~ Barb Evans. I couldn't love her more. I couldn't #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Happy birthday Jace! Mommy and Barb are going to SCREAM your birthday song to you. F-bombs substituted for b-day whacks! #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Odd. Why does Aubree's dance instructor not have 16 different colors in her hair like everyone else? Did they leave the state? #TeenMom2

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Seems just about right that Leah has 4 bottles of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray in her fridge, y'all! #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Jeremy slapping Leah in the face with raw bacon = everything. #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

If Jeremy slapped Jenelle with bacon she would have shot him. Then snorted coke off his dead body. #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Can you IMAGINE the therapists in West Virigina?! It's like a drunk dude who makes popsicle stick bird houses at the county fair #TeenMom2

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Bachelor party at a Philly Howard Johnson's what whaaaat! Jealous? #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

I wonder if the hookers they ordered want to join the circle-jerk of all the dudes talking about their feelings? #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

I don't trust Barb with toy guns OR balloons. #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Barb has the strongest arms as she slices deli meat on the regular. And she works at Walmart. Hey-oh! #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

"Weeeell one successful paaahhhty. Wahoo!" ~Barbara Evans III #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Jenelle is "the joy and light" of Nathan's life? He means "money and free vag" right? #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Honestly, some of the stuff u guys Tweet me is so funny & I can't even re-tweet it due to what I assume would be legal reasons. #TeenMom2

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Ohhh so you don't just put more makeup on Megan's already caked-on face? But that's the South Dakotian way! #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

So are Adam and his friend, like, still doing the Avril Lavigne thing or no? #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Leah has the perfect life?? She's like W. VA royalty! #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

I think Leah's sister means "perfect" as in "you're, like on the talk-box, y'all!" #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Watching Teen Mom is just like watching Homeland. You really have to pay close attention at all times. #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Jace hits people because he can't say f**k anymore. Also because he can't process having 2 moms (and not like lesbians) #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Real Talk: When Jace says "mommy" who answers? Legally. #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Kail doesn't want to cheat on Javi and have sex with anyone else. True Luv 4 Eva #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

I'm just waiting for Suzi to bust through that "motel" wall like Kool-Aid, shouting "Oh yeah!" And then flat-lining #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

Aubree is great at ballet. But not as good as Grandpa Rand! #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014

WTF are they talking about? "The catfish gottsa send me to New Mexico fo' weldin' right now!" I'm sorry whaaat? #TeenMom2 #MTV

— IBBB (@ibbb) March 19, 2014