Teen Mom 2: Kail & Javi are One Text Away From Trashing Their Own House


Jenelle – Just when Jenelle thought she was finally going to be able to get in front of Judge Judy to see if she could buy back Jace from Barb, the real mother (Mother Nature) had her say and threw a hurricane basically in their backyard and canceled their court date.  I mean, if there couldn’t be more of a sign from God himself on whose side he’s on.  For real though I always wonder what it would be like if Barb lost Jace.  I think she’d just kidnap him back, glue on some extensions, get a spray tan and then just start a new life, like, in the next town over or something.  Either that or I assume she’d just paint a sign in the sky that says “Surrender Dorothy” over Jenelle’s house.  Regardless, Jenelle and David are picking up what was left from the hurricane in their backyard, which was basically a couple of sticks, and talking about how they’re sending Kaiser to pre-pre-pre-school so he can learn math and science and Nathan thinks he’s too young for school.  Oddly enough if he were from where Leah lives in W. VA he’d technically already be too old for school.

Kaiser’s first day of school was everything you wished it would be and more.  And less.  And there was Mandy, the teacher.  She was wearing a t-shirt so I was concerned, but then she started singing about some frog so I figured she was ok.  Kaiser looked like he had no clue where he was or why there wasn’t an older woman there with a Boston-like accent vaping and screaming, but he seemed to be fitting in fine.  I guess.  I mean he looked at everyone and then almost fell over so whatever that’s supposed to mean.  Jenelle looked through the door even though Mandy told her that there is a one-way mirror window where she can see in, but Kaiser can’t see her.  It must be so refreshing for Jenelle to finally be on the other side of that glass for a change, am I right?

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Per usual things take an odd turn off camera when apparently Nathan texted David at night basically saying that if he wants custody of Kaiser he can have him and he’s ready to sign over the papers to ‘the SheDevil.’  Oh, and he also mentioned that he’s planning on moving to England so there’s that.  I think that all sounds like a great idea.  David assumed Nathan was drunk when he texted him (and I assume I’m drunk right now if I’m watching this show), but the convo continued the next morning.  Jenelle then asked David if he’d want to adopt Kaiser and David was like, “Yeah totally.”  So Jenelle said, “Thank you.”  And it’s just that easy folks!  I have to admit David appears to be a good guy.  Again, why the hell would he want to deal with all this crap for kids that legit aren’t his?!  Can Jenelle be that rich from this show?  Could Barb have been right all along?!  I have so many questions, but I don’t overly care about the answers.

In the end, Barb was finally there to film some scenes with Jenelle, but Jenelle basically wouldn’t talk to her and Barb was sad.  As was I.  Barb gave us the 60 seconds of life we needed when she said, “Rememba last week when you pulled all doze cameras outta da caaaaaaaaaaah?” and then she awkwardly laughed and then sniffled in and cleared her throat.  Bravo Barb!  Thanks for saving the show.  Jenelle says she’s not talking to her because she won’t give her Jace back so why would she film with her?  Um…because you’re on a TV show and no one wants to see scenes of you cleaning up sticks in the backyard for 60 minutes?  Sadly Barb was over it since Jenelle wouldn’t talk to her so she storms out.  Hopefully we see her one more time next week!

Kail – The Tom and Jerry of our generation aren’t doing so well these days.  Every time Javi calls Kail or wants to come over to talk she keeps calling him out for pretending to be nice for the cameras.  It’s called manners?  Kail is pretty much all done with the marriage and goes to talk to Jo and Vee about it again and Jo is still shaking and scared about Javi being able to just show up to the house any time he wants and scaring the poop out of Issac.

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Speaking of Issac.  Ugh.  That poor kid.  You can see how torn up he is over all of this and it kinda stinks (like Lincoln’s diapers). Javi had to stop by to pick up Lincoln and take him open and Issac wanted to go too, but Kail wouldn’t let him.  He started to cry because he wants everyone to just stay and not be a bunch of douche bags on the regular.  Kail was hurrying everyone out of the house and is over all of it.  Did she get all those surgeries before this season or after?  I just want to live in a world where her pants fit.

Later Javi comes over so they can “talk” again and he tries to hug Kail and she just goes “Don’t hug me” and Javi laughs.  He then asks for something to drink and she says “absolutely not.”  I think they’re off to a good start.  Their conversation starts off as almost-civil for the first 11 seconds then just goes right into Kail banging dudes while Javi was away protecting our freedom.  She admits to banging one dude, but not like a whole team of them.  She also says they’re getting divorced for sure and he just needs to get over it and move on.  Javi lovingly replies back by saying it’s still his house and he can throw all his stuff through the front window if he wants.  I’m not sure how that helps him, but good for him spitballing ideas during this brainstorm sesh.

In the end Kail kinda kicks him out of the house and he talks to the producers out in the driveway and then decides to head back inside one more time in a very interesting “to be continued” type way.  Ike and Anna Mae round 2 next week!

Leah –  What’s better than Leah starting her scenes off with a visit to the local milkshake shop (?) to chit-chat with Chasity (yep, still no “T.”).  I couldn’t love Chasity any more than I do.  I could try, but I would fail.  She’s just sitting there zoned out drinking a milkshake all while Leah is telling her all about her meeting with Delta Burke from the beauty school.  She’s also telling Chasity how important she thinks education is and, no joke, Chasity kinda just looks away…almost like she thinks she can “catch learning” just by listening to Leah talk about it.  For real they should have just had Leah film this scene with a cardboard cutout of The Noid and called it a day.

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Leah’s really going all in on this “back to school” storyline.  Good for her?  I mean, good for her.  She called up the university to find out how to enroll and was like, “Hi so I wanted to find out about going….to college?”  They should have been like, nope you just failed.  They even set up a tour for Leah to go on where they can basically get a free commercial so I say good on them.  The girl who was giving the tour to Leah may have been called Beige.  I can’t be sure, but it was something like that and it gave me life.  My favorite, however, was when she asked Leah if she planned on living on campus and Leah goes, “I don’t know.  I just bought a house.  Oh and I have three kids.”  It’s like, yeah, I’m pretty sure they aren’t inviting you and all your kids to live at the dorm.  But who knows…I’ve been out of college for 210 years.  Things may have changed.  And did anyone else find it odd the tour guide just kept saying “hopefully?”  She was like, “Well…hopefully you come here and hopefully you have fun.  Hopefully you get your degree from here.  Hopefully.”  Does she know the date for the end of the world or something and isn’t telling us?!

In the end, Leah got the call she’s been waiting for and the University of W. VA.  And she squealed with delight.  I hope she meets a nice guy there, gets knocked-to-the-up, and really starts the next season off with a bang.  Hey-oh!

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Chelsea – Pregnantly got her marriage license.

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