Geesh. You miss one week of Teen Mom 2 and you miss Jace calling Jenelle and David “pieces of sh*t.” Luckily it was in the last 5 seconds of the last episode so guess who made it just in time to watch! Take THAT janky DVR! Anyway, I have to admit that I had no clue that Jenelle had a brother. Did you know? I was just as surprised to see him at Barb’s sink washing dishes as I was to see Barb in a NEW starched blue button down shirt. She’s always on top of the latest fashion trends.
Anyway, something seems off about the brother and I can’t quite put my finger on it. Barb was trying to talk to him about how Jace comes back home all angry and how she remembers that the brother and Jenelle were always “best buds” growing up, to which he responds, “Remember that time we buried that rat in the backyard?” Barb, stoic, says nothing. She pauses and then picks right back up with what she was saying. Then the brother just says, “Remember when Jenelle was young and she cut off all her hair and looked like a boy?” To which Barb, stoic, says nothing. I was like, I’m sorry now what? Barb keeps going on that because of all the violence that goes on over at Jenelle and David’s sinking house, Jace comes home so angry and how she’s so glad that now that the brother is living with her, Jace gets to be in a calm house. I have to admit, I had to Google who the brother was. Uh, ok so this is all making sense now. Apparently, Barb had to send him away when he was young because he set his toy car on fire and tossed it on his bed, causing their new home to burn down. Also, Jenelle claims that he’s developmentally challenged. Well that all makes sense now. Oh, also, his name is Colin. In case you couldn’t tell, I didn’t know that. That’s why I just kept referring to him as “the brother.” The More You Know.
Meanwhile, Briana is really looking forward to going to see Dr. Miami (who, yes, is a real thing) to get her discount extreme makeover. She’s bringing her friend, Shirley, who’s getting some work done too. I said it before and I’ll say it again, getting pregnant as a teenager and having a killer audition tape really just works out in the end! The best/worst part, however, is how Briana and Shirley are freaking out about who’s going to take care of them post-surgery and, more importantly, who’s going to wipe their asses. For real, they keep bringing it up. Why is that a thing? At one point Briana says that Javi is mad at her because she’s having her ex-boyfriend come to Miami to take care of her and Javi said he doesn’t want some ex-boyfriend wiping her ass. I mean, why is anyone wiping anyone’s anything?! Can’t you just take those pills that make you not go for like a week? Ugh, those are the worst. They totally work, but then you feel like you have a mattress inside you for 7 days. Anyone else? Too much? Either way.
Later Jace swings by Jenelle’s so that they can go to therapy together. Awww that’s cute. Oh, and on the way home Jenelle talks to Jace about the NRA. In her defense she had NRA stickers in the car and he was asking about them. I don’t know how all of you feel about guns, but I think we can all agree that Jenelle and/or Jace and/or Barb and/or David and/or Kaiser should not have guns. Anyway, after therapy (and talking about therapy the whole time) Jace and Jenelle go out to dinner together. It was super interesting because it was, honestly, the first time that it looked like Jenelle was talking with him like a regular person and, you know, smiling and stuff. I legit was like, oh is she drunk? But apparently not! I’m always so torn on who Jace should live with. 80% of the time I think Barb. The other 10% I think Jenelle. And then the other 10%, of course, I think state custody. Does that total up to 100%? Who cares, you’re not here for math. Unless you are.
As if things couldn’t get worse than wiping bums, you want to know what’s going to break the Internet this week? My guess is how Briana’s mother, Roxanne, kissed her on the lips for what seemed like over 5 seconds before she left to head down to Miami. While I totally feel like “who cares” you know people are going to lose their minds over that one! I mean, to be honest, at one point I did think that my DVR froze because that kiss on the lips lasted for a bit. I was like, “Buy a girl a drink first, no?” Isn’t that like old-timey things dames would say to sailors after D-day? Honestly, I have no idea what I’m talking about. In other news, I’m 85.
In the end, Javi did show up to Miami (unplanned, wink) to wipe so asses. I wonder if they’ll show that next week? Oh, and did Kail says she hooked up with Javi after he broke up with Briana? And did Leah tell Kail she wants to go see a “Aluha” instead of a ‘luau’ when they go to Hawaii? Oh, and Chelsea did normal things in a normal relationship.