I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m here for all the fist-fights. Toss in some hair pulling and, well, you’ve got yourself some reality show gold.
The kind folks at MTV have really realized that simply following the lives of ye old teenage mothers can get a little, well, boring. Toss them together in a room and watch the magic unfold. As we all know by now this week was a “Very Special Teen Mom” where all the girls (minus Jenelle) head to the big bad city of New York to film the reunion and some ‘Unseen Moments’ specials. Green-screens are involved and so is diva-like behavior. Again, I’m here for all of it.
Now our favorite little b**ch of a daughtah, Jenelle, won’t be making the trip because David is still banned from filming the show, you know, due to the issue of him be a douche cannon. Therefore we’re forced to watch Jenelle and her friend walk super slowly while holding Starbucks and talking about why she’s not attending. At one point I was like, “Are they even walking forward or just on a treadmill set to ‘slow’ in front of a green screen?” Also, you know Starbucks isn’t loving the product placement. On the flip-side Dr. Drew, his t-shirt, his blazer, his t-shirt with blazer, and his Weeble hair will be flying out to North Carolina to film Jenelle’s scenes there so she’s more comfortable. If 74% of her scenes aren’t about the NRA and 10% of her scenes aren’t her chasing Dr. Drew around with a pistol all while Barb performs a traditional hula dance in the background (whilst watching Hulu) well, then, I’m less than interested.
Speaking of Barb. I can’t with her. She is the best thing that’s ever happened to us since, you know, God was like, “Lets give them opposable thumbs FTW!” She’s in sunny NYC and filming her scenes with Nathan, his d-bag amigo, and his GF all in front of some hotel where they won’t film the name of it. They’re recapping Jenelle’s now famous gun scene and out of that whole horrific story, Nathan’s girlfriend was like, “Wait. Why was Jace in the front seat?!” Ugh, judgey moms are the worst. If they’re not fighting about which way the carseat should be facing they’re fighting about how bad it is for their kids to drink 2 beers in the morning before school. Worst.
However, the very best thing ever happens. As Barb is filming on the sidewalk some girls are getting into a cab and shouting to Barb, “We love you Barbara!” And even though she’s mid-sentence she just yells back, “Thaaaank you!” And then she kind of laughs and tries to keep filming. They then keep saying they love her and she laughs and yells back, “It’s all true!” and gives them a thumbs up. Legit everyone in the sidewalk starts laughing. She is the best. I am, of course, devastated that Barb was in the Big Orange and never once contacted me. I feel cheated on. P.S., did Nathan say his court papers were sent back because he mistakenly called himself the defendant? Good times.
Now let’s get on to why we’re all here today. The fight heard (and not overly seen) around the world. After some convincing, Kail decides to reach out to Briana before they start filming to see if she wants to talk. Kail doesn’t want to do it in front of the cameras, but being mic’d up is a-ok in her book. They agree to meet inside one of MTVs conference rooms, which, spoiler alert I have been in before thankyouverymuch. Kail’s friend who has that permanent top-knot on her head suggests that Kail put on sneakers and tie her hair back, you know, for sport. Is that how girls fight? Good to know! Is this what Glow is all about?!
Not only will they not film this convo, but they will be mic’d and there will be two bodyguards in the conference room with them. And one is an old woman! I love how far we’ve come as a society! We basically just ‘hear’ them talking and Kail asking Briana why she was so comfortable with talking about her baby and baby daddy #3 on social media. I mean, that’s not really a debatable question to answer, is it? Briana should have been like, “Oh, it was Memorial Day and I was on Ambien.” She could have then started screaming, “I thought the b**ch was whiiiite!” Anyone? Anyone?
Apparently things took a turn for the worse and, from what it sounds like, Kail starts chasing Briana around the table and then asks permission to hit her just once. Manners never go out of style. Nice work, Kail! Sadly, the bodyguards aren’t genies and won’t let Kail use her fist to say hello to Bri’s face. Briana then leaves the conference room and Shirley follows her. I love the name Shirley. This would probably be as good a time as any to suggest you follow my Instagram page where I’m campaigning to interview Barb. And by that I mean will someone start that campaign for me? Thank you in advance.
Meanwhile, Chelsea is a nervous wreck because she’s with child and thinks that if a fight breaks out one of the girls is going to try and deliver her baby for her right then and there. I assume. Leah couldn’t be more calm, which makes sense since she’s a single mother of three young girls so this just has to be another day for her. What I don’t like is how people are like “This isn’t what we signed up for.” EXACTLY! You should be grateful. These type of shenanigans and WT hijinks is what’s giving this show a second and third life. I say once filming is completed, start boxing or doing MMA training, and come back ready for the next season!
Brittany looks less than pleased that Kail tried to punch Briana behind closed doors. Well, or at least ask permission to swing on her. Brittany looked way too calm during all of this so you know she’ll be involved when the fight breaks out on stage. The ‘show’ is about to start and they’re announcing all the girls to stage where the audience awkwardly claps as the girls sit down one-by-one. Brittany is seated directly behind Kail. Also, why am I recapping this like it’s the ‘magic bullet’ from the JFK assassination?! Anyway, the last person to be announced to stage is Briana. She starts walking out and then flips the script and starts swearing, yelling, and pointing to Kail. Kail jumps up and so does Brittany. The bodyguards start to hold Briana back and there’s so much confusion on stage that Chelsea takes off, Barb gets up and stands behind the couch (she must be having PTSD from when her son, allegedly, burned down the house when they were growing up), and Kail starts slowly trying to get to Briana. Briana keeps screaming for Kail to hit her and Kail is as cool as a cucumber and in a calm voice just keeps saying, “Briana I’m trying to get to you.” All the LOLZ.
At one point Brittany starts circling too and then decides to grab Kail by the hair and bring her down (almost). There’s so much confusion on set and while I don’t condone violence, I’m not opposed to it at a reunion-like setting. Just think of Porsha from the Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion when she, literally, dragged Kenya by the hair, literally, across the stage. #SocietyRules!
Somehow Bri partially escapes the clutches of the bodyguard and, literally, crashes over the set’s coffee table and is SCREAMING for them to let her go. It wasn’t even like a normal scream. It was like someone was trying to kill her and she was fighting for her life. It was weird. They then move her backstage and like an animal (still being held) she’s getting one arm out and screaming and tearing things off the wall and, literally, smashing them on the ground! Glass was shattering everywhere. She’s just screaming “You’re a basic b**ch” and flailing her arms all over the place. It was insanity. Props to the one guy who caught some of the stuff she was throwing. It was kind of like a carnival trick. It was all really too much.
Kail is left yelling that Briana is an Internet thug (Javi shows up at one point with cameras to film, but Kail shuts it down) and Shirley and Brittany are trying to tell Briana she was wrong (and random) for doing this the way she did. They did have a point. I mean, as a fan of the show I can appreciate that she did it in front of the cameras, but how she walked out screaming seemed so misplaced. In the end, Kail leaves (she comes back later apparently) and Brittany and Briana agree to go out on stage to film with Dr. Drew. The only thing I was really disappointed about was that there was no reaction shots from Roxanne at all. Like, where was she?!
What did you guys think about all of this? Fun to watch? Or did MTV cross a line?