I Now Pronounce You “Mr and Mrs. Santa Pubes.” You May Kiss Us Weekly.

Let me just say that I’ve probably taken 4 days off from the blog in the past 2 years. Of course, of course, I would take the day off when Heidi, her new chin, her new boobs, her new nose, her fake hair, would marry Spencer/Steve Sanders and his Santa pubes. Of course I would not find out about this until the end of the day.

I just have 2 words for Heidi and Steve Sanders. “Thanks for inviting me to the secret wedding. I’m sure Us Weekly was there, on their knees, filming the whole thing and holding the cue cards.”

Anychin, the two natural blonds eloped in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico on November 20th. I wonder if Frankie Delgado let them get married in his backyard?

By the way, here is what Steve Sanders vows were: “Heidi, from the moment you came into my life, I knew my life would never be the same without you. You are the light in my life like the sun to the earth! Your loving warmth makes me want to be a better person. Being with you, I feel complete. I’m honored to even be able to call you my wife. You are the most amazing, loving and caring woman on this planet. I will love you forever and always.”

Mmmm sweet. I’m pretty sure “you are the light in my life” is the name of a song. I’m pretty sure “…makes me want to be a better person” was from that Jack Nicholson/Helen Hunt movie. And I’m pretty sure that “I feel complete” was also from a late 90’s movie.

No word yet on what Heidi’s vows were, but rumor has it Heidi said something along the lines of “Ow Spencer! Get your hand out of my ass….it hurts when I talk.” I’m trying to get that verified.

Darlene Montag was not at the wedding and was not supportive of it. When Heidi called to give her a heads up, Darlene thought she was calling to tell her they had broken up. Oh snap! Hopefully Darlene will get revenge by shooting Heidi’s horse on Main Street of Crested Butte.