Dear Spencer Pratt…

Dear Spencer Pratt,
My girlfriend recently got new boobs, a new chin, new lips, and sings really bad. She’s done all of these things and still doesn’t look that good. Should I leave her or should I follow her around to different parties that she goes to with a boombox behind her? Help!

Steve Sanders

I’ve always looked at Spencer Pratt as almost like a world renowned physician, but instead of dispensing pills he should be dispensing advice. HOLY CRAP, that is totally what they should be calling his new advice column in Radar Magazine: Dispencing Advice. I’m not even kidding I’m a genius. I mean, I’ve always known it, but now I am more certain of this then ever!

Anyway, Spencer is, in fact, getting his own advice column and it will be called “Yo Spencer,” because that’s catchy, and he’ll debut his skills in the April issue that will hit newsstands in a couple of weeks. Tools from Radar have said, “Spencer is never afraid to speak his mind. When asking for advice, it’s good to have someone who will be brutally honest with you, and tell it like it is. Spencer is never afraid to speak his mind.”

Uh, I have a little advice to dispense. If you are at such a low point in your life that you’re requesting advice from Spencer Pratt, I would just throw in the towel and call it a day. Take a nap, a dirt nap. I would actually ask a drunken homeless hooker who’s in the process of giving birth under the stairs of the subway in a cardboard box while drinking shots of tequila and finishing a crossword puzzle with a hook for a hand and bird-shit for ink in her pen then to ask Spencer for any advice. Just a thought.

Thanks, Jill, for the heads up on this story.

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