I’m not going to lie. When I first heard Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx was going to be taking part in a triathlon, I assumed the events would be singing, dancing, and acting. I figured she wouldn’t have a chance at successfully completing that. However, once I realized it was running, biking, and swimming I knew she could breeze through that. I was also hopeful that I would finally achieve one of my life’s top goals of seeing some J Lo cameltoe. No luck, folks, no luck. Even in her pleather unitard there isn’t even an inkling of cameltoe. Very disappointing.
J Glow did, in fact, complete the triathlon in 2 hours, 23 minutes, and 28 seconds. In news even better than that, I napped on Saturday for 3 hours, 4 minutes, and 15 seconds. So, uh, I do important stuff too.