Like a little kid in Disney World for the first time, I don’t even know where to start. Danielle Staub (pronounced Staub) stopped by the Pix11 News, which apparently exists, and performed the new “da club” version of her battle hymn “Real Close.” And what performance in a local news studio would be complete without a couple of dancers voguing while the music plays out of a portable radio? At one point the two male dancers perform the lake scene from Dirty Dancing and then Danielle comes out of the smoke wearing a white “wife beater” that says, “Danielle’s Mafia.” So basically this starts in the exact same way all of my nightmares have started the past 2 nights. Interesting, yet not so.
Once Danielle starts singing my ears perk up with delight. I’m thinking, “Is she rapping? Is she talking? Is she whispering?” The answer to that is “yes” she is technically “whisrapking” which makes total sense to me. As a sidenote, these dancers are great. I’m almost certain it’s Ronnie and Pauly D from Jersey Shore and then the other one is the guy who’s friends with Sheree from Real Housewives of Atlanta. To sum up, they’re the new Destiny’s Child.
Suddenly things take a turn (for the better) when Destiny’s Illegitimate Child picks up Danielle up over their heads and start to spin her around. She is so friggin close to the set lights that we’re seconds away from a Michael Jackson/Pepsi Commercial/Fire incident. I mean she’s close, real close and, yes, pun intended. Whilst spinning all of a sudden Dina Lohan comes out and starts singing this as a duet. I don’t care if it really is Lori Michaels, to me it’s seriously Dina Lohan with brown hair and I challenge anyone who disagrees with me to an old fashion duel.