I don’t even know what this show is about anymore, yet I’m ok with that. We pick right up where we left off last week which was the celebration of Aviva’s father’s engagement to his 24 year old girlfriend. And what better place to have an upscale engagement party than the Museum of Sex in Manhattan? Because at the end of the day if it’s one thing Aviva is obsessed with, it’s sex with her father. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I bet he sneaks into her room and sniffs her leg when she takes it off at night. Moreover, I also feel like her leg could be filled with delicious Easter jellybeans. I jest. I hate jellybeans. Clearly, that is a hollowed out leg filled with pudding. Cosby-style.
Everyone is so excited that George is engaged for reasons that are unclear to me. However, Ramona is less than enthused by all of this. She begins to grill his fiance, Cody, right off the bat and asks her if she’s with George for the money or the sex…or both. As a wise woman once said, “Money, this, that, the other…don’t mean nothing other than jets on holiday and chefs with hollandaise and expensive lingerie.” So let that sink in for a spell. Ramona was also given a heads up by Sonja to not bring up the fact that this girl’s mother just passed away and her father is deceased as well. Therefore it only made sense that Ramona just blurts out to her, “So you don’t have any parents.” I mean. No one could believe it but, I mean, I could because Ramona is simply trying to save this sinking ship of a show. If she was really dedicated she would have dug up her parents and totally “Weekend at Bernies’d” them right there at the museum. This is why you always carry around rope and spare pulleys when you go out for the night. It’s like how to people not know this?!
Since somehow this turned into people thinking that Ramona brutally murdered Cody’s parents, she and Mario decide to sneak out of the party since Cody has left to go cry in the bathroom. Someone pass this chick “No More Tears” shampoo. Also, is it in poor form to bring up the dead at an engagement party even if it is as a place that has dildos and the like hanging from the ceiling? I just assumed all the etiquette rules were thrown out the window at that point. But then again the only thing I know for sure is that money can’t buy you class, my friend, money can’t buy you class, oh yeah.
Meanwhile George is so upset that Ramona insulted Cody and left the party that he tells everyone that Ramona is disgusting and a b*tch and that “you know what happens to b*tches…they get f*cked by dogs.” Now on a technicality that is true. However I also heard that snitches are b*tches and no one goes near a snitch…so what George is saying may not be overly accurate. Oh, and speaking of things that may not b e accurate, did anyone else cringe in horror when Aviva and Cody (friendly reminder: she’s black) went over to Sonja’s house so she could do their nails and Sonja says that with all the nail jewels Cody brought her neighbors are going to think they’re witnessing a drug deal? Horrible. I may be paraphrasing, but you get the point. Unfortunately, racism is alive and well at Casa de
The “next day” after some pointless hat shopping most of the women head out to Saratoga to go see some horses run in a circle in the dirt and bet on who won’t die first. At least I think that’s how horse racing goes. From the get-go Sonja is getting sauced and, to be honest, it’s the highlight of the show. I don’t blame her one bit. If I were on a reality show I’d be drunk more times than not. Hell, I’m drunk right now writing this. Since Sonja is the queen of white trash sporting activities, she decides that she doesn’t need to bet on the horses with the rest of the women because they’re each betting upwards of $50.00. Wow. That’s, like, royalty money. Sonja, on the other hand, is only going to bet $2.00 per race. That makes sense. Also I’m pretty sure she couldn’t follow the betting lingo that Carole and the rest of the crew were throwing out there. Plus, math is hard. I would have just been like, “someone tell me how much I owe.” That’s typically my life strategy anyway. I don’t want to think. Ever.
To everyone’s surprise the group of gals actually won! Their $50/each bet won them some grand total of over $3K which means they each got around $800.00. Again, not so much with the math so I’m just taking their word for it. Sonja is devastated and, well, still three sheets so she just up and leaves the group. Not only is Big S drunk, but I’m pretty sure she’s in heat too, so it’s really the perfect storm for all of us. After some time passes and no one can find her (even after texting her) they decide to head home and get ready for a big night out on the town in Saratoga (fun?). Sonja makes it home by herself hours later. We’ll get to that in a minute.
Meanwhile, since Ramona and Aviva didn’t go to Saratoga they decide to film some scenes together. Per usual, Ramona shows up with flowers to apologize to Aviva for making Cody cry and bringing up the whole parental dirt-nap thing at the engagement party. Aviva accepts the apology, but then “suddenly” George shows up. At first they seem to get along and both apologize to each other, but then the convo takes a sharp left turn and next thing you know George is calling Ramona a big racist for picking on a young girl who is black. At one point he actually says something about Ramona insinuating because Cody is black that she probably doesn’t even have parents. I don’t know what that means. Evidently either does Ramona. Truth be told I was waiting for the obligatory “I’m not racist, I have black friends” comment to come up but it never did. Probably because she doesn’t. Either way I don’t think Ramona is racist…unless you can be racist against poor people…then I totally think she is. George ends his rant by saying that when Ramona dies and he goes to her funeral he’s going to “lick his fingers and then touch her vagina in the casket.” So, yeah, there’s that. I’m at a loss for words. I know people think George is funny and, well, sometimes he is, but it is kind of shocking how horrific he talks to women and no one seems to do anything about it.
In the end, back in Saratoga, Sonja is trashed-city and turning into a mean drunk making up stories and telling the women that they left her. She legit isn’t making any sense, but she is slurring and violently pointing all up in Kristen’s face so, of course, it’s entertaining to watch. At one point Sonja just starts screaming in Kristen’s face nonsense like, “F**k yourself. You wanna go there? Go there. You wanna go there? F**k yourself.” It was a bit confusing, but all choices put out there, either way Kristen is going to f**k herself. Wait, is this why sometimes Sonja has to go commando?! Everyone tries reasoning with Sonja (except Carole who wisely just hides in her room until this all blows over), but no one can. Poor Luann was desperate to get into a scene with Sonja in hopes that Bravo will convert her back to a full-time Housewife, but unfortunately they stopped her before she could. And after the altercation with Kristen, Sonja packs her bags and leaves Saratoga for good….or at least they cut when she’s in the driveway. Scenes for next week show her falling down at a party with all the girls so you know she stayed. Spoiler alert? Eh, who cares.