Real Housewives of New York City NEW Opening Tag Lines for 2014

*Please note this video was taken with a 1987 camcorder and uploaded via my Apple IIc

Since I am sans life I was, of course, beside myself with excitement that Bravo was showing a surprise 30 minute sneak peek into the new season of Real Housewives of New York City.  And by “excitement”  I mean “horror” and by “horror” I mean “excitement.”  Either way since I attended a “taping” of RHONY this past summer I’m excited to see if I am in the background and propped up against the wall because I was like what I like to call “intoxicated” or more commonly known as “Ramona-Ready.”

This season will bring on many new scripted story-lines, but more importantly it brings on new opening credit tag lines.  Now if I didn’t see this with my own eyes and hear it with my own store-bought ears I wouldn’t believe it.  In fact, I still don’t.  However, I’m praying to sweet baby Jesus and his teen mom Mary that Bravo keeps these opening tag lines because, well, they’re absolute trash and we are witnessing a franchise throw in the towel.  Let’s experience the breakdown together and start with the best one of all:

Carole:  “If you’re going to talk about me behind my back, at least check out my great ass.”

Aviva:  “When people tell me I’m fake, I know they’re just pulling my leg.” Heather:  “A true New Yorker never backs down and I’m no exception.  Holla!”
Kristen:  “I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed..but I’m preeeeetty!” Ramona:  “Get the Pinot ready because it’s turtle time!” Sonja:  “Sometimes Sonja has to go commando.  What can I say?”
Missing from the lineup is LuAnn.  Let’s just assume her tag-line would have been:  “I may not be a true countess anymore, but you can always count(ess) that I’m tucking my ding-a-ling.”