*Please note this video was taken with a 1987 camcorder and uploaded via my Apple IIc
Since I am sans life I was, of course, beside myself with excitement that Bravo was showing a surprise 30 minute sneak peek into the new season of Real Housewives of New York City. And by “excitement” I mean “horror” and by “horror” I mean “excitement.” Either way since I attended a “taping” of RHONY this past summer I’m excited to see if I am in the background and propped up against the wall because I was like what I like to call “intoxicated” or more commonly known as “Ramona-Ready.”
This season will bring on many new scripted story-lines, but more importantly it brings on new opening credit tag lines. Now if I didn’t see this with my own eyes and hear it with my own store-bought ears I wouldn’t believe it. In fact, I still don’t. However, I’m praying to sweet baby Jesus and his teen mom Mary that Bravo keeps these opening tag lines because, well, they’re absolute trash and we are witnessing a franchise throw in the towel. Let’s experience the breakdown together and start with the best one of all:
Carole: “If you’re going to talk about me behind my back, at least check out my great ass.”
Aviva: “When people tell me I’m fake, I know they’re just pulling my leg.” 
Heather: “A true New Yorker never backs down and I’m no exception. Holla!”
Kristen: “I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed..but I’m preeeeetty!” 
Ramona: “Get the Pinot ready because it’s turtle time!” 
Sonja: “Sometimes Sonja has to go commando. What can I say?”
Missing from the lineup is LuAnn. Let’s just assume her tag-line would have been: “I may not be a true countess anymore, but you can always count(ess) that I’m tucking my ding-a-ling.”
