So When Andy Cohen Gets Murdered During the Reunion Show, Can I Get His Job? You Know, After the Funeral and Junk.

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion is going to be in two parts.  I’m breathing slowing as I’m typing this because I want to open up my apartment window and yell out, “I love you America, I love you!”  The gang filmed this in Atlantic City, which is just basically a large broken down carnival with gaudy hotels.  Basically, it’s a Jersey dream come true.

Just from watching the preview alone I already have plans to plug my DVR into a backup generator in case there is any kind of malfunction.  I could care less that I’ll die from carbon monoxide poisoning because it’s worth it.  It’s. All. Worth. It.

I can’t tell if my favorite part is Teresa screaming “one at time” as she mocks Danielle the same way my sister would mock me when we were little or if my favorite part will be when Teresa says so Danielle, “Bitch I’m gonna pin you down.”  I can only hope she ends that sentence with, “…and make you do fabulous as I take your picture.”  Or perhaps it’s when Teresa gets two inches from Danielle’s spooktacular face and screams “Do NOT bring up my family!”  She says it in the same octave from when she flipped over the table and Barney Rubble had to hold her back and she was screaming something about going to her house to get a bl*w job.  You know, to this day I still have no idea what she said.

Although, some runners up are certainly going to be when Danielle takes out a dummy head wearing a wig.  I mean, point me in the direction of the website in which I can purchase one because my credit card has been paid off and I’m ready to charge.  Also, I think it’s going to be fun watching Andy Cohen get thrown down by Teresa like a little rag doll and also chase Jacqueline around the set like an episode of Tom and Jerry.  And no reunion show would be complete without Kim G, literally, wearing the same dress my sister wore to her junior prom in 1992.  This is too much.  This is all just too much.


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