Danielle Staub “Real Close”

Where do we even start? Where? Should we tackle the fact that Danielle was sitting at the piano while holding a microphone and not technically playing the piano? Nah. How about we start with Danielle keeping her eyes closed 90% of the time? If you’re not a blind piano playing R&B sensation then open them up! Maybe we can start with the fact that the chick that Danielle is doing this duet with looks like the product of McKenzie Phillips and Meredith from “The Office” having a baby together with Rocky Dennis as the sperm donor. How about that? Or maybe we can begin with the notion that Danielle has completely lost her accent whilst singing? She’s like Milli Vanilli, but with fake eyelashes (similar hair though).

Now that we’re all caught up, for those of you who missed it Danielle from The Real Housewives of New Jersey was on “Watch What Happens Live” with Andy Cohen the other night to perform her latest song, “Real Close” live on air. She kept saying that this song is a haunting lullaby and, you know what, I haven’t slept in days. All I can hear is Danielle whispering, “Real close to you, so close to you” in my ear as I try to fall asleep. I’ll assume this song is dedicated to Dina Manzo and is sung to her while perched up in a tall tree in front of Dina’s private property all while Danielle sticks needles in her “Manzo Doll” in hopes of hearing Dina scream while petting Grandma Wrinkles.

Check out the video clip of Danielle singing “Real Close” on Bravo. You’re welcome.