“Danielle is a Time Bomb Waiting to Go Off.” My 15 Minutes with Kim G from Real Housewives of New Jersey.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Recaps

Every once in a while I turn off the TV and decided to interview someone who brings such joy to my sad, pathetic, yet interesting (ish) life.  This time around I’ve chosen Kim Granatell (Kim G) from the Real Housewives of New Jersey.  Kim G was drunk enough nice enough to sit down with me and answer some random crap that I spewed at her.  You may remember my interview with Elodie from The Hills.  THAT WAS LAST YEAR, this year you shush me I talk louder.  Oh wait.  Never mind.

So gather up your nap mats girls, boys, and those with both a woo-woo and a ding-ding and get ready for a little story time with IBBB.  Kim G and I covered a lot of territory.  We learn what Kim G would do if she was Dina Lohan, just how crazy Danielle is, where she stands with Caroline, drinking during filming, her relationship with Kim D, and more!  And less!  Let’s go!

IBBB: Kim G, you crazy son-of-a-b*tch, I want to thank you for entering my life via “the television.” How has your experience been filming the Real Housewives of New Jersey?

KG: Yes. Keep calling me a crazy son-of-a bitch. I love it! Crazier than you think. Lots more to come. Wait and see. But, I believe, I am crazy in a fun way. My experience filming the show has been both gratifying and rewarding. It was quite easy. I just fell into the story line and what was going on. The way I was brought into it, I felt I adapted very well. After all I was Danielle’s BFF! But really, it made me appreciate my roots. Being with Danielle has made me realize that my life could have taken a different form, for the worse! The old “adage” “Birds of a Feather flock together didn’t ring to be true for me.

IBBB: I’m not good with math and, well, I’m sitting here holding a protractor and if my angles are right it seems as if you’ve done a 180 from your first episode to the last in regards to your feelings towards Danielle. How crazy train is she really and how much is editing?

KG: What you see is what you get! Basically I called her “Sybil” -you never knew how she was going to be from one day to another. Thank God for editing. She would have been committed if they showed everything she did.

IBBB: After Danielle sang her lesbionic lullaby, Real Close, on “Watch What Happens” she made us believe that she doesn’t talk to you any more. First, is that true? Second, if so how lucky do you feel? It’s like your life is saved!

KG: Yes, it is true she doesn’t talk to me anymore. Her big mouth should have kept quiet until the episodes were aired regarding this to keep the audience in suspense and guessing. I was asked so very often, and continued to say, “just watch and see what happens.” Bravo should have whacked her in that big trap of hers. I am relieved to be away from her. A friendship, (if you can even call it a friendship) was very exhausting. I was always walking on eggshells. She has a short fuse, and in my opinion “a time bomb” waiting to go off. It wasn’t about my life being saved. I actually tried to “save” her. It was “work” being a friend to her. But I did give it my all, and lots of second chances that she wasn’t even aware of. I thought she just doesn’t know right from wrong. Our friendship just didn’t flow naturally. I was relieved to be rid of her. Way, way too much work. Like I had an “Eliza Doolittle” on my hands!

IBBB: Kim, come clean, how many cans of AquaNet are you using on that thing?

KG: Excuse me, more like Frederic Fekkai. What planet do you live on?

IBBB: You know how on Real Housewives of NYC they hold up golden apples during the opening credits? And on Real Housewives of Atlanta they hold up peaches? And on Real Housewives of Orange County they hold up oranges? You guys don’t hold up anything. My sister says “because it’s New Jersey they should hold up bags of trash.” Good, right? What do you have to say to her?

KG: Tell your sister that goes without saying, but to keep in uniform with the other Real Housewives, we should be holding up Jersey tomatoes because some are “rotten” and some are’ “ripen.” You figure out who’s who.

IBBB: You and Kim D are like the Olsen Twins, fast-forward 20 years. I read a rumor that you and Kim D are actually sisters-in-law. True or False? What do you think of Kim D?

KG: True. We are sisters-in-law. I love Kim D. We are best friends. Look what you have here. The 2 back-stabbing, 2 faced Kim’s. We love being called that. It is totally appropriate. We were hoping to win the Snake Award on “Watch What Happens.” Too Bad! Totally disappointed. You should really see us together in action. Drama, deviousness, etc. etc. More than the whole show put together. It could be the “K” and “K” show.

IBBB: What’s it like filming a reality show? Do the cameras just follow you no matter what or do you have to tell production every plan you have?

KG: Filming the show is like a full-time job. Really. Not that I am complaining. It’s just that you have to be totally responsible, focused,and on-time (for a certain someone that never applied). It was always about her time, disrespectful of others. Your personality has to be such that you can’t just say “oh today I don’t have the time”, or, “I don’t feel like it”, or “I am tired.” That doesn’t fly! You have to be totally committed. Production has a schedule to adhere to and when they say they are coming at such and such a time, you have to be ready to film. No ifs, ands or buts! Production has to know what you are doing. For example, if you are going to a restaurant or where ever, the establishments have to know beforehand. You just can’t show up with cameras and a crew.

IBBB: You seem like you’re a great mom. I mean, I have no idea if that’s true, but I have a feeling you are and, well, that’s proof enough to me. If you were, God-forbid, Dina Lohan, what advice would you give to Lindsay?

KG: I am beyond a great Mom. I am a Real Mom. My kids are my world. They always have been. They know right from wrong. They have been taught to be kind, humble, respectful, and to have self-respect. I’ve never had nanny’s or housekeepers. It was never my thing to have someone else raise my kids. In regards to Lindsay Lohan, that’s a tough one. It’s hard to turn your back on your child regardless of what age. I don’t make excuses for my children’s behavior. If they are wrong, they are going to suffer the consequences of their actions. Dina Lohan is in denial. Lindsay needs intervention, major therapy, and lot of love, attention, and support. I would be on her case all the time to get help. To the point that she would get sick of hearing it. Hopefully by then, she would agree to seek counseling. Remember, she is an adult. This is a very difficult situation. And the more time that goes by, the worse it gets. Deep down, Lindsay is suffering terribly. I feel sorry for her.

IBBB: I love the scenes when you seem like may be 2 or 3 sheets to the wind. Does drinking make shooting scenes better and easier? It makes it easier for me to watch so I was just wondering.

KG: There are really two times the whole season that I was drinking. Obviously, the one at Teresa’s Housewarming Party, and the other is still to come. When you are out, and at a party, come on what else do you do? I need to unwind once in a while! By no means am I a stiff. Never. Ever. Drinking does not make shooting easier and better for me. No way. Some people are not comfortable in front of the camera. It’s like the cameras are not even there with me. I am a natural. I was always being me.

IBBB: Has Caroline reached out to you since filming ended so you can get together for lunch to catch up? Has any of this insanity negatively impacted the friendship between Chris Manzo and your son?

KG: No, Caroline has not reached out to me since filming ended to have lunch. We have seen each other, but not to make plans. I have been invited to places where Caroline is and we talk or whatever, but not about getting together. My son John and Chris’s friendship is solid as ever. Caroline and I made a pact to never let whatever goes on between us affect their relationship. And it never will!

IBBB: What the Christ is Elvira all about?

KG: Who names their kid “Elvira?” First mistake! Elvira is a “wannabe.” All she needs is a piece of gum in her mouth to complete the disastrous, “all wrong” person that she is. She is like a truck driver. I think she pisses standing up!

IBBB: In the preview for the July 12th episode where Teresa starts charging after Danielle, you seem to lose your sh*t and are screaming in everyone’s face to “calm down, calm down, calm down!” For me, that is when you became a national treasure. How much craziness went down during all of that?

KG: There is so much that went down. I can only comment up to the current episode. Sorry! For example, at one point Danielle was away from the table and I looked over at Kim D’s table and Theresa and Jacqueline were gone also. So I ran to the Ladies Room and the door was locked. I thought for sure “OMG, Danielle is getting her ass kicked” in there. But that was not the case. Danielle and my friends had locked it to be safe. Danielle and I were 2 hours late for the fashion show. Everyone was waiting for us. The food could not be served until we had arrived. People were clearly annoyed at us. Also, the scene when Danielle pretended she was on the phone. Well, she really was. She was texting and calling her daughter, Christine all night. BIG LIE!

IBBB: You look great for having grown children and yet you don’t look like you’ve had any “work done.” Anything you want to come clean about?

KG: The only surgery I had done was my upper eye lids which was done on May 25th of this year. My right lid was putting pressure on my eyeball. I am not opposed to any kind of cosmetic surgery. If a person wants it, and it can make them fell better, and enhance their looks or body, why not go for it? I would certainly do it, when and if I need it. I have been blessed with great skin (thanks Mom). I never go out in the sun. I exercise (Pilates 4- 5 times a week. I eat healthy, vitamins daily. I don’t smoke, barely drink. I drink plenty of water, juices and I love milk!

IBBB: You made it pretty clear to Danielle, after the fact, that you were not ok with her friend, Danny (and his feathered hair) calling Chris a f*ggot. How come you didn’t say anything when he was going off on him? You looked like you wanted to crawl out of there!

KG: Look, I really didn’t know Danny P. I just met him. I wasn’t going to into his ballpark. My facial expressions said it all. I didn’t know where to turn. One thing that was edited out was when Harry dropped us off, he figured we would be in there for several hours and left the Brownstone without telling me. He went to get something to eat, which was 35 minutes away. So we literally had to wait for Harry to come and get us. All that while the cameras were rolling and Danny continued to mouth off to Chris. I wanted to “DIE.”

IBBB: Seems like a lot of people are in the running towards becoming the Real Housewives next cast member. How much do you want to be a main character?

KG: I have contributed so much along with Kim D to this season. Without us being in the middle and giving the dirt back and forth to both sides, where would all of there scenes and drama come from? Kim D and I were personally “thanked” by Bravo. We are a lethal combination. They ain’t seen nothing yet. They would be foolish to pass on us. They know what they have. This is only the beginning. The WORSE is yet to come! We are who we are. And that’s what makes us so special. What you see is what you get. People stop me everywhere I go. They love my energy, and my spirit! Can you imagine! Wait!

Special thanks to Kim G for playing along with IBBB and spraying a little “love and light” around this dump.  God bless you Kim G. See you on the tour of Franklin Lakes!

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