Hot Enough For Ya?!?

Hot enough for ya? Yes, that is my favorite question this time of year. I slowly wait for the first heatwave of the summer and then anticipate all the people who will greet me by saying my least favorite phrase/question, “Hot enough for ya?” You know what? It is hot enough for me. It’s hotter than a cats crotch (just assuming) here in NYC and has been for the last few days and will be for the next few days, so you know what that means! This weather is all that people will talk about. This topic also makes the top story on the news and they always seem to show fat people sitting in a public pool cooling off. You know, skinny people need to cool off too. You would seriously think that we have NEVER experienced “summer heat” before. It’s insane. And you always get that one jackass newscaster who has to say my other “favorite” line of the summer, “You could fry an egg on the sidewalk, it’s so hot!” Really? You know what I would say if I was the other newscaster? “For Christ sakes, who cares!” Seriously, we have frying pans to fry eggs. We don’t need the sidewalk. Where does this newscaster live and how much does he get paid that he needs to utilize the sidewalk to cook? That’s just gross and pretty unsanitary. Loser.

They always seem to remind you, too, that you should drink lots of water when it’s this hot. Really? I usually go for a long run in 100 degree heat and then rehydrate by downing a few beers and then a few coffees. Oh, and they always tell you to check on the elderly. Really? No thanks. What makes you think I want to go into my neighbors apartment and find them all decaying and smelly. Sounds like a blast, but I’ll pass, thanks. Then, they always show the homeless. You know what? I’m jealous. I’d rather be getting a tan outside then stuck in my office. It’s almost too cold in my office anyway. However, if I were homeless I wouldn’t be wearing a bright orange winter coat. That’s just crazy. So, in conclusion, “yes” it is hot enough for me, but stop trying to scare me with this heat. It’s just heat. I won’t burst into flames when I walk outside.
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