Why Does Jesse McCartney Always Look Like a Wax Statue? More Importantly, Why Do I Know Who Jesse McCartney Is?!

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I don’t have much to say on this except any time I see a photo of Jesse McCartney I always think they’re showing a wax statue at Madame Tussauds…but, sadly, they never are.  And I always thought this kid was like 14, but he’s suffering from a case of the “Lauren Conrad Youth Eye Wrinkles” and a disturbing bout of “Hilary Duff Capped Teeth.”  However, what scares more than any of these things is the fact that I actually know who he is.  I think he sings.  I think he spanks Aubrey O’Day in front of the paparazzi late at night.  I think he’s also someone called “Zac Efron.”  I also think he spends some time in a band where he takes a vow to never put his penis near anyone until he’s married.  Correct me if I’m wrong with any of this, but I. Don’t. Think. I. Am.

Anywax, Jesse McCartney attended “Variety’s 3rd Annual Power Youth Event” in sunny Los Angeles over the weekend.  Los Angeles is in California for those of you who fall in the 4 – 7 years old category who found this blog via Google when your mother was in the other room making lunch.  Oh, and if that’s the case it’s important that you know that Elmo actually typed this.  Then he OD’d.

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