Besides being a consistent douche-bag or “bagadouche” as my friend Janine says, Paris Hilton would like to set the record straight that she is not helping raise awareness of the binge-drinking elephants of India. Therefore, Paris Hilton must be in support of drunken elephants. I know I am. I like everything and everyone drunk as a skunk. I see a person, I want them drunk. I see see a dog, I want it drunk. I see a chair, I pour vodka all over it and try to get it drunk. Then I take chair rides. It’s a long story. Regardless, Paris Hilton is a retard. Good day.