Newport Harbor: The Lame BBQ

It’s amazing how horrific this season is and I don’t mean horrific like, “it’s actually pretty good and a train wreck and I need to see it.” I actually mean horrific. This crew of crackheads are so boring. Who found these people? Maybe they should have tried another beach. Is there a beach in Compton? Anyway, here’s how the episode, “Sealed with a Kiss” went down:
  • Chrissy runs like a retard. Seriously during the high-pitched conversation between Chrissy and Sasha I feel like only dogs can hear them at this point.
  • How can a camera crew fit on the boat when Clay is wakeboarding?
  • Why does Allie’s brother care about what goes on with Clay and Chrissy? He actually looks interested and not just because the script told him.
  • How come every time one of the girls calls a guy they sit on their bed lying on their stomach with their legs bent in the air and their feet crossed? No joke, it’s like that in every crapisode. Who does that?
  • Sweet, Clay and Allie go on a “date” at apparently the only place to go in Newport Harbor: Miniature Golf. I know Newport Harbor is supposed to be really nice, but I’m not impressed. It doesn’t look like a beach town at all like in Laguna Beach.
  • It’s now time for my obligatory “I miss Cami” statement. I miss Cami.
  • When we make it to the first commercial break, I pray that there are only 5 minutes left of the show. I tear up a bit when I realize there are at least 20 minutes left.
  • What the hell is up with the “Hamtpon High Revealed” commercials? Why do I need to vote for what happens next? I’m confused. What are they selling?
  • Awesome! Hot Allie and hot Samantha laying out on a boat. That was sarcasm. I may have lapsed into a coma.
  • Ok let’s cue the BBQ. They all give each other awkward hugs when they arrive. Chrissy’s parents aren’t home for the night which means she can really whore it up.
  • Seriously Grant really is Steve Sanders Jr (aka Spencer Pratt). I’m convinced there is some time of relation there.
  • Realizing how bored I am during the conversation between Clay and Chrissy, do you think they’re bored even talking about out? You are no LC and Jason, my friends. Not at all.
  • Damn the mini golf again! Why does Chrissy have this in her backyard?
  • Clay and Chrissy go on a dumb dinner date and end the night with a kiss that I’d bet my bank account that the MTV crew made them do. They probably took 6 takes of it too. Perverts.

I’m not kidding, this episode was painful. This season is painful. Although they hooked me for next week because now I need to see how these tools ask their dates to the prom. That’s always a big f’n production.

Newport Harbor: The Lame BBQ

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