Newport Harbor Recap: Chrissy and Clay Break Up. Also, No One Watches This Show, But Me.

It’s time for another episode of Douche Bag Creek. I don’t know what my problem is, but I’m still having a hard time remembering everyones name and figuring out which one is Clay and which one is Chase. Regardless, here’s how this episode, “Caught in the Act” when down:
  • Was Sasha always in the opening credits? I think in two seasons she’s had about 3 lines. Sasha is like “Judy” the little sister from “Family Matters.” It’s only a matter of time before she runs up the stairs and we never see her again.
  • It’s good to see that 265 years after I graduated college the “kids” are still playing Hackey Sack on the Quad.
  • Chrissy and her sad excuse for sorority sisters seem embarrassed as they talk about the status between Clay and Chrissy. I, too, am embarrassed for them….and myself at this point.
  • Wait a minute. Chrissy is a first semester freshman, right? Technically these are episodes that were taped in October/November because she hasn’t been home for Thanksgiving yet, right? How in the hell is she already in a sorority? Don’t you have to pledge for like the entire semester before you officially get in to the sorority? How is she already in it in like 2 months? Something smells fishy and I’m not just talking about Samantha.
  • Speaking of Samantha, this conversation between her and Chase on the pier is probably the most pointless conversation to take place in the 2 seasons.
  • Remember Chase’s mom from last season? Didn’t she look like she was in porn? Those were the good old days.
  • Why is Samantha asking Chase like 50 questions? Can her sunglasses cover more of her face please? Thanks.
  • Sweet, here comes Brody Jr. Jenner. The conversation between him and Chrissy seems like they had to rehearse it about 10 times. I bet they did. Before every sentence they said, “um” and their voices went up at the end. I hate me.
  • Why the hell is Chase planning on moving to Santa Barbara? This is stupid. He looks like a tool on national television and in front of the 4 people who actually watch this show.
  • Awesome, we get to see Chrissy in her 200 sq foot dorm room. Compared to the mansion she grew up in do you think the dorm is like prison for Chrissy? Don’t drop the soap. Oh wait, drop the soap.
  • Clay and Steve Sanders Jr are driving to Santa Barbara in what appears to be the same car that the bad guys in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” drove in. Bonus points if you remember that.
  • Chrissy is trashed at the party. Thank God. Maybe this will get interesting. She can’t really stand up and she is slurring the piss out of her words. This makes her more hot.
  • For some reason MTV is playing the entire “Gimme More” song by Britney Spears. They did the same thing on an episode of The Hills. Do they get money for that or something?
  • What’s with the kid in the background dancing with a bottle of champagne? What college kid can afford and/or drink champagne? Me and my friends thought we were classy if we were drinking Coors Light, but we could never even afford it in the bottle. Only the can.
  • Chrissy sloppily makes out with Brody Jr Jenner at the exact moment that Clay shows up.
    Clay stays to watch that mess and then immediately leaves. Steve Sanders Jr immediately scriptedly asks him what the deal is and Clay says he guesses he’s over it. That was quick. I guess the walk from the party to the front of the party house really gave him time to think things through and move on.
  • The next morning we find out that Steve Sanders Jr and Clay slept in Clay’s car overlooking “Makeout Point.” That’s romantic.
  • Allie and Samantha get about 14 seconds of air time. They are riveting. Allie made things more interesting by wearing an army hat. Sam made things more interesting by holding a pink cell phone.
  • Clay and Chrissy meet at the beach and end their pitiful relationship. Clay peaces out and Chrissy’s hair blows in the wind. The end. This sucks. I suck.

    Newpot Harbor Recap: The Break Up

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