There are hardly any episodes left of The Hills this season and, clearly, they are saving the best for last. Oh, and by “best” I mean “the one where Whitney falls down the stairs.” I couldn’t care less what happens in the rest of the episode, as long as I get to see Whitney go “sledding” down a flight of stairs I’m content. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not heartless. I even laugh when I fall. I just wish it was filmed. Sadly, it isn’t. Luckily, Whitney’s fall is filmed. Anyway, here are my brilliant, yet puzzling, thoughts on the latest episode of The Hills:
- Woo-hoo! Emily the “super intern” is back baby! I am convinced that Emily is the daughter of Lisa Loveless. They definitely look like “mother/daughter.” Not like Lindsay Lohan/Dina Lohan mother/daughter, but like legit mother/daughter.
- After two seasons, I just noticed that the opening credits mainly consist of the girls each doing the same “face” with their mouth open and head tilted to the side. Good for them!
- Why does Whitney say “fashion contributor” and put it in “air quotes?” I mean, is that the title or not?
- Steve Sanders and Heidi eat Fajitas. Does Steve perm his hair?
- “The girls” have to work the Good Morning America Fashion Show.
- I wonder why the music they chose for this scene with Emily walking in is “La Cucaracha” which is Spanish for “the cockroaches.” No joke. That’s actually the song they are playing. If I were Spanish I would write a letter. I’m not, so I won’t.
- Lauren Howell is back too. If you remember her from the last time, all the direction she gave the girls the last time was to make sure the area wasn’t “chaotic.” Yup, she literally gives the same advice this time. Helpful. Somehow, though, Whitney still seems confused.
- The editor from Vogue is talking so high I can’t even hear him. Only dogs can hear him at this point.
- In my favorite “scripted moment” of the episode, Whitney surprisingly gets picked to be a model at the fashion show! Who would have guessed that!?! Certainly not me. Kids, let me give some advice to you out there. You’re not going to go from intern to “model.” It’s not going to happen. Study hard.
- Yes! Here it is! Cue Whitney! Live on Good Morning America, Whitney slides right down the last 10 steps. Oh, they make this look like it’s “Live” and I believe that it is, but it looks like they just taped up a “live” sign and stuck it to the top corner of the screen. Ghetto. Clearly, I loved it.
- Emily really helps by saying, “at least you didn’t really fall, like really fall.” Yeah, no she literally fell. Legit.
- Something is wrong with me. I actually feel bad for her. What is happening to my heart? What is this feeling? This must stop. STAT! Quick, Heidi say something stupid! Steve Sanders, quick cram more teeth in your mouth. Ahhh that’s better. I’m back.
- Lisa Loveless even has a heart and says some nice words to Whitney about “the fall.” I’m not paying attention to what she is saying, because I wonder if she sweats Whitney.
- As a surprise twist, Whitney may become the manager of all the interns. Kids, anything is possible. If Whitney can do it so can you!
- Sweet, Heidi won’t move in with Steve Sanders so he kicks her out of his car. What is Heidi’s comeback? She legit slams the door and says “stupid car.” Awesome. P.S Why are Heidi’s shoulders always so high? Does she have asthma?
What will become of these two? Will Steve Sanders and Heidi break up for good? Will there be a season three? Will my mind completely rot? No, yes, and yes.