July 29th can’t come soon enough. This is the day that we get to follow Snooki, Grandpa Situation, Pauly D/Ellen Travolta, Sammi SweatStains, Ronnie No Nickname, Vinny, JWoww ShamWow, and Angelina Trash Bags on their spiritual journey to Miami. In the preview clip, as predicted, we get to hear the Douche Bag Brigade scream, “I’m in Miami, bitch!” 3 different times in the first 23 seconds. I assumed it would be have 5 times in 23 seconds, but my douche-o-meter is a little off.
Not only is everyone drunk 98% of the time (why be any other way?), but watching Snooki dance around in a sombrero that’s 15 times the size of her “freakin’ poof,” knock over an end-table (which smashes a lamp) and then what looks like “slap fighting” with Angelina Trash Bags is, well, the recipe for a perfect season to me.
Don’t think this season is all about drinking, fighting, hooking up, gym, tanning, and laundry though. Oh no, my friends, oh no. It’s also an educational experience. Last season we learned what GTL stood for. Now we have “MVP,” which of course stands for Mike, Vinny, Paulie. We also get to see “GFF” written in chalk on the wall, which apparently stands for “Grenade Free Foundation.” Watching this totally made me think “WTSEIBTMFT,” which, of course, means “When This Show Ends It’s Back to McDonalds For Them.”
With Snooki having sex with Vinny and Vinny having sex with Angelina and JWoww ShamWow fighting Sammi SweatStains over Ronnie No Nickname it proves to be a season that dreams are made of. Give me July 29th or give me death! I’m in withdrawal, bitch!