So first I need to say that every time I take a few days off there seems to be some type of celebrity scandal. I was away when Anna Nicole took her dirt nap, I was away when Paris was sentenced to p-to-the-prison, and I had some friends in town for Memorial Day Weekend when Lindsay crashed and burned and then got arrested. The next time I’m away I’m sure that Kathy Lee Gifford will get knocked up and I won’t even be able to report on it. Life’s not fair. Anyway, by now you know what happened with Lindsay No Pants. However, now Lindsay was spotted all cracked out, tripping, and passed out in the car of her BFF leaving a Memorial Day party. Awesome. Look, I’m not suggesting Lindsay enter rehab because, clearly, she doesn’t have a problem, but if I got arrested with a DUI and also had coke found in my car, I’d probably take like five or six days off from drinking. Ok, maybe not 5 days, but at least 2 days. People are blaming Lindsay for her bad behavior. I don’t blame Lindsay. Next in line would be her mom, Dina Lohan. I don’t blame Dina. Next would be to blame her dad. I don’t blame her dad. Other would blame the pressures of Hollywood. I don’t blame the pressures of Hollywood. You know what I blame? Global warming. It’s totally global warming that has caused Lindsay to behave like this. Damn you “El Nino.” Damn you!Who Shot Lindsay No Pants!?!