Spencer’s Busy, Let IBBB Take a Message: 3

Back my popular demand is my own advice column: “Spencer’s Busy, Let IBBB Take a Message” In case you need to be caught up on what this is click here to read last weeks. Anyway, thank to all of you sick bastards who wrote in a question and sorry to those of you who I didn’t choose. Keep sending them and I’ll keep printing them out and shredding them! Here we go….

Dear IBBB,
Why do girls who excessively tan always ask if you want to see their tan lines? And why don’t more guys do it?

Sincerely,
I work too much to tan

p.s. I love Harriet Carter Wednesdays!

Dear “I Work Too Much to Tan,”
Is your name Russian? It’s catchy. Anyway, who are these girls that are asking this and can you please send them my way. Thanks in advance. To best answer this question I will compare it to those people who are cock-eyed and always make you feel uncomfortable because you never know exactly where you should be looking when they’re talking to you. As a helpful tip, the answer is: always in the middle, always in the middle. Anyway, these cock-eyed freaks are the same as these ultra tanned skanks. These skanks ask you to check out their tan lines because they have that power over you as you, I’d assume, are the color of paste perhaps. Oh, and also because these girls are, again, skanks and need the attention. More than likely they’ve been molested by their uncle and also sport some type of eating disorder. Perhaps I’m generalizing. In conclusion, the next time you’re asked to see their tan lines make sure you ask them if you can also see their “molestation marks.” You’ll both my laughing with delight.

Signed,
IBBB

Hey! I have a very important question that I need an answer to. It might help all those other peeps out there that are struggling with this problem. Please explain to me why it is so offensive to “hack” in public. I just don’t see what the problem is when one has to clear it’s throat. I mean when you have to cough, you have to cough, know what I am saying. I just don’t appreciate all the looks that could kill and the stares and the disgust that I can see all around and the whispers. It’s very disturbing to me. Please help.

Thanks!
Britt

Dear Britt,
Um, do you have any manners? It’s typically polite to address the mail receiver by name. For example you could have started out your letter by saying “Dear IBBB,” and then you continue on. I don’t want to be that picky, but that was pretty f’n rude. Anyway, onto your question. Is this a problem that’s happening to you? If so, you’re probably getting all these looks from people because they assume you have some form of an STD that can be caught simply by breathing in the same air space as you. Let me ask you this, do you sleep around a lot? I assume the answer to that question is “yes” as your name is Britt with 2 “T’s.” I don’t want to cast judgement, but your name screams “loose.” I’m just kidding….I do mean to judge. On the other hand if you are not the town slam pig then I owe you an apology. These people that you see probably do not even exist. You see, you’ve imagined them. You cough and then all of a sudden you dream to life people looking at you. It’s normal for people who have syphilis to eventually go crazy from it. Again, it all ties back to slutty behavior. I hope this helped. Thanks for your letter.

Signed,
(Please Don’t Breathe the Same Air as Me You Freak) IBBB

Dear IBBB,
You are funny as sh!@#*, but your spelling SUX.

Signed,
Tina

Dear Tina,
Your mother’s a whore and your father holds the money.

Signed,
Your Father

***Need advice from IBBB? Email me: ImBringingBloggingBack at Yahoo.com. Maybe I’ll add your question to this site. Maybe I won’t. At the end of the day, who really cares.***

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