Spencer’s Busy, Let IBBB Take a Message: 2

Last weeks new weekly segment, “Spencer’s Busy, Let IBBB Take a Message” was such a success that I decided to do it up again. In case you need to be caught up on what this is click here to read last weeks. Anyway, thank to all of you sick bastards who wrote in a question and sorry to those of you who I didn’t choose. Keep sending them and I’ll keep printing them out and shredding them! Here we go….

Dear Mental and Sarcasm Superior,
Due to my wide circulation of your website at my job, corporate decided to block all websites that would fall under the category “Entertainment.” What should your devoted readers do about our tyrannical employer? We just want to read Harriet Carter Wednesday…None of them have even had the pleasure of 2 Minute Chef with retard Rachel!

Sincerely,
Broke Because I Had To Buy A Laptop And Internet Just To Read Your Website

Dear Broke Because I Had to Buy a Laptop and Internet Just To Read Your Website,

First off thanks for spreading the word of this website as it was the Gospel. Jesus would be proud…I say “would be” because you are currently dead to him, but that’s another story for another time. Anyway, your company and boss sounds like a complete a-hole. I would suggest bringing your laptop to work and sitting out in the parking lot with a long extension cord, some tin-foil, and old rabbit ears and read during your lunch break. I’m clearly not suggesting for you to do work during work hours and read my site during your break. In fact, read my site during your break and spend your working hours figuring out how to download porn on the computer of your boss. Once successful, send out an “all internal” email from his computer telling everyone at your company to go F themselves. Be sure to sign it at the end with “The Diddler” under his name. Good luck!

Signed,
IBBB

Dear IBBB,

I have a question for you….why do all my friends suck???

Love Always,
Janine

Dear Janine,

You bring up a great question. Your friends suck because you never attracted the right kind of cool friends growing up. Perhaps you should have tried picking up smoking at a very young age. Couple that with excessive tanning and a gambling addiction and you would have attracted some kick ass friends. Plus, if you’re a fan of “the alcohol” you would have always had a friend to be the one who would always be “drunker than you.” That’s just one theory. The other theory is that you are, in fact, the sucky friend and your friends are cool. Either way, the moral of this story is to smoke a lot, drink a lot, tan a lot, and gamble a lot and you’ll be surrounded by a phenomenal group of people.

Signed,
IBBB and Joe Camel
Need advice from IBBB? Email me: ImBringingBloggingBack at Yahoo.com. Maybe I’ll add your question to this site. Maybe I won’t. At the end of the day, who really cares.
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